Dear Mr Trump

Dear Mr Trump

I heard that you made allegations about illegal immigrants slitting people's throats at midnight.  

Sir, that is utterly ridiculous, absurd. Everyone knows that the best time to slit throats is 2 am. 

Nonetheless, you are certainly making America great again. No droning on about the economy, foreign affairs, (your own affairs far more exciting), or civil rights. I really like your intriguing stories about a cat or dog in every pot. Sir, have you checked that people are not disappearing as well? 'Eating into your support base' may take on a sinister, new meaning.

Your characterization of various states as 'shithole countries' is spot on. Corruption, buffoonery, incompetence, egotistical leadership, attacks on the Capitol  - what could be more lavatorial? The bathroom metaphor was but one example of your poetic talent. Who can forget your: "We will rain down hellfire on you such as you have never seen"? Such luminous imagery. You are indeed a worthy successor to such masterful orators as Churchill, John F Kennedy and Dr Martin Luther King Jr. 

That somewhat aggressive utterance notwithstanding, you really are, at heart, a people's person. People such as Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin - as fine specimens of the noblest and best of humanity as can be found anywhere.

I also like your "Yes, I can" approach to....everything. You would have, by your own account, stopped the war in Ukraine in a day. What could you not achieve in a month? If, (heaven forbid), you are again done out of an election victory, you could consider heading up the United Nations. I bet that would put an end to the long-winded, useless, pointless bickering. And they would all pay their dues. The only remaining challenge would be what to do with your prodigious talents once you'd achieved (inevitable) world peace, prosperity and other nice stuff.

Perhaps, like our Mr Zuma, you could lead the charge in the attack on declining moral standards. 

Yours in the struggle for strong, democratic,  Republican leadership.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Tymebank , South Africa  

51090259373

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723

The Importance of Being a Victim

 Dear Honourable Dudu 

Thank you. Your wonderful tweet about not being able to speak isiZulu because of Apartheid was typical of the sort of South African satire that writes itself. You called yourself a victim of  Apartheid,  poor dear.

I gave that some thought -  after a  hearty laugh. Your  plaintive cry exemplifies so much of what is wrong in our political landscape and in our  parliament.

You see, dear Honourable Dudu, although I am not a psychologist, I do know that it is almost impossible for those dedicated to victimhood to move on.  It's incredibly difficult to even conceive of doing something positive, innovative, imaginative while victimhood and self-pity cling to you like Durban humidity. 

In the mire of victimhood, there's no room for the needs and difficulties of other people, let alone a country.  But take comfort, you are not alone. I see many of your fellow victims in Parliament,  whose sole contribution seems to be hurling invective and insults, complaining, demanding 'justice' and reparations. (Perhaps read 'revenge' for 'justice').

Dear victims, that is not going to happen. You will cry to the heavens and beat your breasts until, in the words of the great Mr Zuma, Jesus returns. This is because the world and life move on. If reparations were paid for all past wrongs, we would have to crawl a hell of a long way back into history. I notice that you tend to omit the Khoi and San peoples and that's not so far back. A small oversight, perhaps?

Life and opportunity tend to pass you by when  you waste them on cursing and blaming all those that you imagine to be responsible for the moist puddle that you are. You folk remind me of a child, weeping bitterly over a broken toy or a broken adult. promise. So hard to see beyond the immediate disappointment. It seems utterly devastating.

I do hope that you and the comrades grow out of this. But the chances are as close to zero as the temperatures in the coldest parts of the country. You are at the age where you should have outgrown such childish things, so this does not auger well for  future change.  Unfortunately, your many strange, often foolish, often malicious utterings on social media also don't hold out much promise for your growth and maturity. 

The taxpayer doles out a large percentage of salary to keep you in bouts of self-pity and unrighteous indignation.  That's the tragedy of politics in this country. I think that even your perception of your role in politics is coloured, or discoloured by the small, narrow world view of the professional victim. What  can you see through your childish tears and snot, beyond the  broken toys?

It's ironic that you even fail to see how privileged you are. Daughter of a regional demigod-politician, with nothing to recommend her for the role,  parachuted into Parliament as a privileged MP.  Dear Honourable Dudu, it doesn't get better than this.  I doubt that your weeping and gnashing of teeth get in the way of enjoying MP privilege.  Accommodation, free flights, cars, generators to bypass loadshedding 

 and every other comfort that the pampered politician has. In this benighted country,  many would sell a kidney for just a fraction of that privilege. 

Of course, there's the strong possibility that the tears of our victims are of the crocodile variety. That the blame and self-pity game is exactly that - a game played with consummate skill between shopping for Luis Vuitton products and other staples essential to the victim / comrade  / revolutionary lifestyle.

This is not an appeal to your reason, conscience or common sense, none of 

which have shone forth particularly brightly.

 So in the words of Simon and Garfunkel: 

Sail on silver girl 

Sail on by 

Your time has come to shine

All your dreams are on the way. 

And the rest of South Africa tosses and turns through nightmare. 

I suspect that your period of sailing on will not last long, built as it is on the flimsiest of foundations. Enjoy it while it lasts. 

Yours in the struggle to find the mystical balance between victimhood and privilege.

Richard

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Tymebank , South Africa  

51090259373

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723

Apartheid in the Air

 

“I am sorry, I can't speak isiZulu I am a victim of Apartheid so this is one of the things that happens we don't get to grow up in South Africa and learn our Mother tongue but I'm trying I'm learning” Duduzile Zuma Sambudla-Zuma"

Dear Ms Sambudla-Zuma 

I wholly empathize. 

I could have been a brain surgeon had it not been for Apartheid. Laziness might have played a small part but that's also because of Apartheid. I suppose that I could have worked harder at the science subjects at school but let's not split hairs. As the song, 'That's Apartheid', says:

"When the stuff hits the fan, 

Guess who'll carry the can,

It's Apartheid...."

Perhaps it's not altogether a bad thing, as there's not much demand for brain surgery in South Africa. Judging by the actions and utterances of many South African public figures and their numerous groupies, many, many brains are as good as new - unused. But then again, I could have been a brilliant legal eagle like Mr Dali Mpofu, who would have been knocking them out of the park, were it not for Roman Dutch law. And the judiciary. And, of course, Apartheid.

It's hard work thinking critically, taking responsibility and being honest with oneself. I'm so glad that there's Apartheid to fall back on. It just makes life so simple. That does remind me of another song (tune of 'Love is all Around me'):

I feel it in my fingers 

I feel it in my toes 

Apartheid all around me

And so the feeling goes

Ooh, it's blowing in the wind

It's everywhere I go 

You break your promise to me 

And I break mine to you

Apartheid is the reason

There's nothing I can do 

Your fellow  Zuma praise singer, Prof Moyo,  frequently voids his bow..., pardon, brainwaves, on X. Here's a recent offering:

"President Zuma is truly admirable for his ability to forgive, often extending grace even before it's requested. His daily life echoes the teachings of Jesus, as exemplified in the words: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

President Zuma supported Drip and even after the owner wished him assassination. The President of the people is now working with politicians who insulted him, he simply moved past propaganda. The ethical President Zuma will even give hugs to those who wrote rubbish about him. He sees the bigger picture: It’s about the emancipation of the people and not himself. What kind of a man is this? Indeed Gods greatest gift to SA."

Only true leaders move past slander and hate, focusing instead on unity, progress, and building a future that benefits everyone."

It was an epic struggle to read the entire masterpiece. So hard to concentrate when each line has one howling with disbelieving laughter.

One thing that Apartheid has not succeeded in is to diminish our South African talent for:

1. Talking kak

2. Gleefully inhaling every particle of kak spoken by our heroes

3. Zealously regurgitating said particles of dessicated kak

I am grateful to you, Honourable Daughter, Mr Lesufi and others, who relentlessly hunt down Apartheid in the dark alleyways in which he lurks. Your efforts remind me of the work of Simon Wiesenthal, nazi hunter. I am confident that we will reap the fruits of your heroic labours as crime, homelessness and unemployment become a bad memory because of your work. And the repo rate does whatever is best for the people.

Yours in the unrelenting struggle against Apartheid.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Tymebank , South Africa  

51090259373

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723

Zumasm

A tweet from the Honourable Daughter:

Let Me Go To uMkhonto Wesizwe Church Of Political Ideology Where We Learn About ZUMASM And Where We Sing Our National Anthem, THINA SIZWE And MHLA SIBUYAYO ✊🏾!!!

President Zuma WILL Live Forever!!!

Dear Honourable Dudu 

I don't know why you felt the need.

to share  with us that you are off on yet another pointless and doubtless crushingly boring little adventure. But your mind does seem to work in mysterious ways if one judges by you many exceedingly strange and increasingly bizarre contributions on X.

I hate to be the one to tell you this. You've heard of the inevitability of death and taxes? While your honoured father might be able to extricate himself from the coils of the latter, there is no doubt whatsoever that the former will have him shuffling off his mortal coil like the rest of us.

If you are learning about zumasm at your church then I should think that both the sermons and the entire series will be short in the extreme. Probably something like:

Lesson 1. Bring me my machine gun. 

Lesson 2. Down with Roman Dutch law.

Lesson 3.  Down with Ramaphosa's ANC.

 Lesson 4.  Down with Abelungu.

 

Lesson 5.  Sound financial management the Zuma way.

Listen 6. Romance, love and the age gap

What are you guys going to do with the rest of the year? Oh you did mention a new national anthem. That should gobble up another Sunday or two.

History has taught us that when the theology, strategy and dogma all centre around one person, there's a very good chance that what we have is a jolly cult.  If that one person has already been thoroughly  discredited, that does make the cult all the more interesting. Also somewhat fragile.

It was probably your eloquence, razor-sharp wit and  keen intellect, (all displayed in the tweet above), that had your party despatching you post-haste to parliament. Yes, we are delighted to see "the best minds of our generation" at work in our legislature. The quality of insults and non-verbal, tactile interaction must surely reach new heights -  or depths. The quality of debate  - that's a different matter. I see the poor, the unemployed, the homeless, uplifted as you sink your teeth into the repo rate and other challenges of our time. We see you Honourable Daughter.

Yours in the struggle to bring sanity, reason and pragmatism into our political milieu.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Tymebank , South Africa  

51090259373

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723