30 Years On

A TV special looked at our thirty years of democracy and freedom.

I saw an ANC election poster for the 1994 elections:

'Vote for Jobs, Peace and Freedom!'

 One out of four is not bad. We voted.

Someone said that is is important to remember the good things. Good advice. I must say that remembering the good things makes me feel better about betrayal, blundering, incompetence, indifference and corruption. What do you mean: 'What good things?' Haven't you noticed that we have electricity?

Someone else said that we are no longer a country divided, at war with itself. As the harmonious music emanating from EFF, ANC, MK and others clearly indicates. That and the mutterings of so many peacemakers on social media. Anyone listening and reading can tell that we have conquered racial disharmony, resentment,  victimhood and attendant ills that lesser countries struggle with. We have uBuntu. Even our many unsolved murders were probably committed in a spirit of goodwill to all.

We are no longer an international pariah, added someone else. Yes, but we're trying hard.

'According to JICA, Japan recovered from World War II by 1955, as its per capita GDP returned to pre-war levels. However, Japan's economy experienced rapid and sustained growth from 1945 to 1991, a period known as the Japanese Economic Miracle. By the 1960s, Japan had become the world's third-largest economy, after the United States and the Soviet Union.'

'Germany took around 20 years to fully recover from World War II. The reconstruction process was long and difficult, with millions of people homeless and unemployed. In the early years, the focus was on basic necessities, such as food and shelter. As the economy began to recover, more attention was paid to rebuilding the country's industrial base'.

But you can't compare us to the Germans and Japanese. They had advantages. Raw materials imported from us, foreign aid. I suppose that they also had leadership that focused on reconstruction and growth. But they can't sing, dance or shout slogans worth a damn. We have them there. Besides, they were only bombed into ruin. We had apartheid.

We do outperform them in several areas. We have social grants, blue light brigades and well - pampered, well paid officials. Lots of them. Take that, Germany and Japan!

So we're lost at sea, but we did have a great start to the voyage  - cheers, streamers, champagne for some. And we did travel a long way - in a circle, but it's a big circle, and nicely round. You can't say we didn't make progress. It's a completely new place that we're lost in. We have left the old behind.

So, there, fellow South Africans. Much to celebrate.

The Scuffle Continues!

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The Peacemakers

 I watched the news last night. No, not SABC TV news. Real news. 

I sat up when the reporter asked his guest who he thought would be Ideal to mediate in the conflict between israel and iran. 'Well, that would be South Africa', I thought. I was

outraged when there was no mention of the beloved country. What with our host of talented diplomats and statespeople. 

I immediately dashed off a letter, accusing those concerned of racism, capitalist, imperialist tendencies and a few other choice maladies. 

What the heck! Do we not have influence in high places?  Did we not drink tea or vodka,  or all of the above, with our good Russian comrades in tense times? Do we not allegedly have excellent relationships with

various liberation organizations in the Middle East and elsewhere? Who else had the  wherewithal to load fokol onto a Russian ship (as per our minister of defense), during said tense moments?

Did we not host Al Bashir and other influential leaders? We would have hosted the Dalai Lama too, were it not for some logistical and administrative difficulties.

Which other country has demonstrated unquestionable neutrality to the extent that we have?

One need only look back at how swiftly and efficiently we resolved the 2021 troubles in KZN. Can there be any doubt that we are the first choice for helping to ease tensions 

and resolve conflict? The relaxed, reasonable exchanges on social media will tell you all that you need to know about our positive, 'live and let live' national philosophy and approach to all mankind, regardless of race, gender or place of border fence crossing.

Didn't our minister of police wisely advise the City of Cape Town officials to get off their high horses and negotiate with taxi

organizations during the taxi violence in that city?  Unfortunately, they did not heed his sage advice and look what happened. I think that relationships between the city and the taxi gentlemen are still strained. All unnecessary. Things would have gone so well if they had simply sat around a couple of buckets of KFC and acceded to the (surely reasonable) demands of those.

peace loving gentlemen, who, I'm sure, just wanted to ferry people around. All would have been sweetness and light today. As I'm confident it will be, once Mr Cele has negotiated with Zama Zamas, the construction mafia, izinKabi, and other important stakeholders. After all,  don't they desire the same things we do, namely, peace, harmony  - and a bit of ill-gotten loot? Ah well, there's no reasoning with some people. 

Our president flew all the way to Ukraine (with attendant hardships of bland airline food, etc.). He endured insolent treatment from the Polish border people (I could have told him that the Poles can be troublesome). All of this was done in the interests of global peace. What did he get in return? Apparently a missile or two while in Kyiv. Nonetheless,  our man soldiered on (in a peaceful manner, of course).

Have we not gone from strength to strength, taking Israel and those murderous people in Sudan and elsewhere to the international court?  Oh sorry, got that a little wrong. We will probably deal with the Sudanese and others a bit later. All lives are important, but we can't do everything at the same time, can we? 

We punch way above our weight, landing fierce jabs and devastating uppercuts, as we dance around global challenges like Ali on steroids. I expect that the global powers will soon realize they made a mistake and come crawling to us for assistance. We will, as always, be magnanimous and forgiving. 

This troubled world needs from South Africa the unique thing that our politicians bring to international diplomacy and troubleshooting. It is elusive, intriguing, mysterious. Perhaps it's best described by the minister's own word: fokol.

Watch this space. Also CNN the BBC and Al Jazeera.. You read it here first. 

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Bend It Like Zuma

Dear Mister Zuma.

I wish to make an appointment, please. 

Should I go through Dudu? I am sure that I will find her on X. She probably still calls it Twitter. She still calls you President Zuma, even though it's been a while. I know that you are a man of the people. I am one of the people. 

You see, sir, I have long desired a career in politics. I have been held back by a lack of confidence. However, now that I see your excellency, Julius,  Dr Ace,  Mr Manyi and others romping in the green fields of the South African political landscape, I am encouraged. Anyone  can be a politician in this great country. I think that even Commander Carl and our former public protector have found bottom-hugging seats in the house of parliament. We are nothing if not inclusive. A friend says that it's true: we are nothing. I asked him what he meant and he replied: "To quote several powerful politicians: 'fokol' ". 

But, I ramble  - like the average politician. (My friend says that they are below average. He is beginning to irritate me).

I was somewhat concerned that my history of minor misunderstandings with law and order representatives might disadvantage me. I see that I need not have been concerned at all. Inclusivity reigns.

I am ambitious but not overly so. I would be quite happy to start out as a backbencher. I can disrupt, yell out silly points of order,  boo and sleep with the best of them. The last is not to be misinterpreted, please. It refers to refreshing power nap on the  benches. 

Like all of you, I have a fine line in bullsh...,  pardon, fiery oratory. I understand that a good  mentor is crucial to one's success in politics. Who else has brushed aside a shower of scandals like lint on a collar?  Who else has kept the courts at bay as long as you have?  When I tried to have the judge and prosecutor recuse themselves in my case, I was woefully unsuccessful. Of course,  I did not have the brilliant people's advocate, Mr Mpofu, in my corner. I think that things would have turned out very differently. 

You once posed the chicken-and-egg riddle as to which came first, democracy or the ANC.  Now you have again mesmerized the country with another Sphinx-like riddle, namely, when is a prison sentence not a prison sentence? Not only are you a chess master as your loyal supporters often point out, but it appears that you are also a zen master. 

I look forward to having tea with you, as mister Malema did and drinking from your well of wisdom, as he also surely did. (He's been in fine form, since, despatching cows, breathing fire from his nostrils etc.). 

Your Houdini-like exploits are so fantastical that it is difficult to attribute them to skill, strategy or luck alone. Is there any truth to the stories about the efficacy of crocodile fat and hippo fat?  We can talk confidentially about such things when we meet. 

Sir, we have much in common. I too like a good, belly laugh. I can spin a good yarn. 

Like you, I am a man of the people.  I, too have suffered abuse at the hands of powerful people, for standing up for said people.  Also for brandishing a firearm in a bank. A misunderstanding made much of by malicious people with dark, political agendas. The gun was for my protection. We live in dangerous times in a dangerous country. Who knows what lunatics, villains and thugs one might encounter in a bank. It was a small gun, anyway. I was also accused of being in possession of an illegal firearm. Absurd. Smith and Wesson is a reputable company with a long history of producing fine armaments. 

I was also accused of having wasted nine years, while enjoying the hospitality of the state. A ridiculous accusation made by jealous and malicious persons. I made the most of my time working in the institution's library and involving my housemates in

various entrepreneurial ventures. For the benefit of the people, of course.

 I am due to be released later this month. I was, unfortunately, excluded from the amnesty that benefited many villains and rogues, recently. You might have heard something about that?

Could we then meet to discuss matters of mutual interest and benefit?

Yours in the struggle for politics of service and integrity.

Richard.

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We Care

South african business cares almost as much as our government cares.

Take the banks. We used to endure long queues in the banking halls. Now we endure long queues in the scorching sunshine. Much more a typically South African thing - the great outdoors. 

I know that businesses in South Africa do thorough research on consumer behaviour and preferences, but let me explain. Those unending queues at government departments, they are not by choice. We are forced to stand there all day. We don't like it. We don't get up in the morning and say:

"I know! I'll queue at Home Affairs all day, today. What fun!"

As an aside, I wonder how much the Great South African Queue robs us of productivity. How does it compare to the sterling efforts of Eskom, for example?

My favourite bank, (who shall remain unnamed, save to say that their name begins and ends with the letter 'c'), made improvements to our local branch. Where there were two ATM machines, there are now three. On one of the busiest days this week. one went to sleep and never rose again that day. Still, at least we have three.

One would have thought that an alert supervisor would have called a technician immediately. It can't be nuclear physics, repairing the machines, can it? Then again, who am I to comment? I don't understand the intricacies of the banking business. At least, there was an armed guard next to the slumbering ATM machine. Who knows what a dead ATM might do? Besides, let's cut to the chase: if you have to queue at an ATM, your time is really not that important in the greater scheme of South African things. If it were, you'd be able to jump the queue, like an honourable minister getting her driver's license. 

Someone in the ATM queue complained that there seems to be no planning for busy days. How ridiculous! It's not the business of South African banks to plan around the needs of customers (just as it's not government's). Theirs to bleed...., sorry, build, sustainable business for shareholders (damn these typos!). That includes the investors that Julius encouraged to join our booming economy by whatever creative means come to hand.

Just a word to my fellow ATM users. Folks, the ATM machines have already been programmed and calibrated. There is no need for you to do that. Well, my assumption is that that's the only activity that could keep you at the ATM for an agony of waiting, as the hours tick mercilessly by. After all, drawing or depositing cash takes no more than five minutes for a fully functioning human being. If you don't know, please don't emulate the ANC. Just ask.

Enough negativity.  Dear Spur, the 'unreal breakfast' tag is a good one. You could have used a synonym, such as 'insubstantial' breakfast. At almost fifty seven rand, that's real value for money (somewhere in the world), isn't it? I checked that by preparing the very same breakfast. Yes, it cost the same - for ten people. But let's not split hairs. We'll leave that to Clicks and the EFF. As for Wimpy, your name well describes your special breakfast offering - wimpy.

 

Dear MTN, if you are going to reward users for buying air time and data, then you should do just that. But please do learn about rewards and how they mean nothing until they mean something to the recipient (valence, I think the psychology people call it).  Most of my 'rewards, are discounted offers on airtime and data.  The fact that I have just purchased  airtime or data renders most of them rather meaningless.  Many of those offers looks suspiciously similar to normal, 'undiscounted' rates. That may just be my jaundiced eye and cynical nature. You guys are doing your utmost to make  internet access and communication easier for the poorest South Africans. Like our government, you are doing your bit for education and for the economy.  

I do like your quaintly named 'customer service helpline'. Particularly love the 'If you wish to speak to a living, breathing human being, good luck' option. Okay, not true - but it might as well be.

As for the caring supermarket chains, your almost daily price increases on essentials, are clear evidence of your concern for the drowning consumer. You need the money for those full-page advertisements and jolly TV ads.

We could go on but I hope that these few examples prove:

 

Yes, South African business cares so much that it hurts.

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Transformation

 Good news for the Christian church in South Africa.

There is a massive spiritual awakening among honourable members. They are attending church services in droves. Even leading singing and preaching inspirational sermons. 

Who better than those who have lived shining lives of humble service to the people?  In whose mouths a lie dare not dwell. Whose fingers have never caressed a ten rand note earned dishonestly. I wish that I could attend such services. Just the notion raises the gooseflesh on my arms. Could this be the longed-for revival? Surely things are looking up for South Africa (as our honourable leaders look up for guidance).

There will be testimonies of the miraculous, for example, the transformation of South Africa from a colonized mess to the  people's paradise that it now is. What do you mean: what paradise? Do we not have more billionaires than ever before? Do we not have promises of smart cities and bullet trains? Do we not have Tintswalo and state hospitals that rival anything that private health can produce? Did not Mr Malatji, ANC Youth Leader, tell us that the ANC pays us for being born, living, schooling and more? What do you mean, you haven't been paid? Contact Mr Malatji without delay, with your banking details. And PAYE number.

Cynics and unbelievers may retort that all this spirituality coincides suspiciously with election season. What can be done about the unbelieving heart? I suppose it will, like the poor, be with us always. To them I say: the Lord works in mysterious ways. Mr 

Mbalula said " the church is integral to our work". I am confident that we will see this flood of spirituality unleashed post 29 May  - a kinder, gentler South Africa. Can't wait.

So great has been the outpouring, that some MK supporters confused Mr Zuma with a saviour. These things happen in the throes of religious ecstasy.

So moved was I that I sought out some biblical verses appropriate to the time. I found these, purely by happenstance (or divine guidance?).

I trust that our leaders, wise always and freshly inspired, will unravel the significance of these verses for us:

"Show me a righteous ruler and I will show you a happy people. Show me a wicked ruler and I will show you a miserable people".

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Dark Days

Remember when the president said that we should look on the bright side of loadshedding?  

An oxymoron if ever I heard one. A friend said that it was uttered by a ...., but I stopped him before he could go any further. 

This was of the 'your broken leg is hurting now, but you'll appreciate it all the more when it's healed' school of philosophy.

I do think that South Africans should appreciate Eskom more. They've torn us away from television and the plethora of electronic gadgets around us. We have time to Be Present. Time to contemplate the meaning of life  - under ANC rule  - for five more long years.

A gentleman in our area clearly felt that Eskom was not doing enough. In a bout of public-spiritedness, he crashed his car into an electrical substation. This was after a bout with spirits in a public bar. We then had most of Sunday to give over to quiet contemplation of matters spiritual. Quality time spent, we eventually had about an hour of power. Then Eskom came to the party. After all, they couldn't very well leave loadshedding to the public, could they? They had to play their part. Two hours of planned loadshedding followed. We were pleased that it was an organized session this time round. 

Watching 'Chasing the Sun 2' later, one couldn't help but wish that the politicians worked half as hard as the Springboks at tackling the giants that make life in South Africa miserable. But they are out of shape, intellectually, morally, ethically. Many of them do not even know what the game is, let alone have the skills or stomach to play it. The time is long past for them to leave the field to those who can. Unfortunately, they have a large following who know even less about the game and often mistake posturing for performance.

Unless there is a great awakening, the minister of electricity will dance on and the energy minister will growl and mumble on. Only the lights will not go on.

We will continue to sit in quiet contemplation. In darkness.

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The Wisdom of Collen Malatji

ANC Youth League leader Collen Malatji says “the ANC pays you for being born, pays you for living, pays you to go to school, pays you to go to university and gives your mother water and electricity”.

Dear Mr Malatji

I see that I have been horribly shortchanged. Could I please have my payment now for being born. I have checked my Capitec savings account several times since reading your uplifting message, but, so far, nothing, nada. dololo. Are you sure that you guys have the correct account details? I've included them below, just in case your database is not up to date. That would be a surprise as we all know that ANC spells efficiency.

As for being paid for living, had I known that, I would not have slaved to stay just over broke for so many years. I suppose that the large chunks that SARS hewed out of my salary were for that purpose. I'd like to collect now, please, having lived almost three score years and ten. Where do I sign up? Not Home Affairs or Labour, I hope, as I've also spent a goodly portion of those years queuing at those fine establishments. Often to no avail, as the staff have to go home sometime.

Yes, I'll be pleased to be paid for my school years. They were boring in the extreme and of little value in the real world. Bartholomew Diaz, his fascinating sea voyages notwithstanding, was not helpful in the acquisition of jobs, loans or anything really useful. Now had we been thoroughly schooled in technical skills, things would have been very different. I refer to the life skills that make the world go round. A practical, useful syllabus would have included:

* Strategies and tactics for life without water and electricity 

* How to make, keep, switch and discard friends in high, political places and low lucrative places

* Starting your own political party for profit

* Living off the fat of the land in lean times

And much more of the good stuff

Adding insult to injury, we did not have the benefit of being allowed to pass some subjects with a 30 percent score. I don't see why not. Some of the thirty percenters are managing our country quite efficiently - aren't they?

I paid back my university loan with interest.  Why did those cunning bankers not tell me that it had already been paid by the ANC? I plan to sue them just as soon as I can get hold of Mr Mpofu. I think he's done with that futil..., I mean, difficult case for Mr Zuma.

As for water and electricity for my mother, she has passed on, but I certainly could do with some water and electricity for myself. There's not been much of either, though you couldn't tell that from the  bills, which are remarkably regular and consistent.

I know that the ANC has itself had some trouble with bills (for wages, suppliers etc.) but I'm very pleased that they've not been tempted to dip into their fund that "pays you for being born, pays you for living, pays you to go to school, pays you to go to university and gives your mother water and electricity”. 

That's integrity.

Yours in the struggle to ensure that voters are grateful for ALL that the ANC does.

Richard 

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Vladimir, Well Done!

Dear Mr Putin

Congratulations on winning a tough, grinding election battle. That was close.

I am satisfied that your elections are as free and fair as the ones held in Zimbabwe. 

I understand that the other three candidates gave you a run for your money. Our ANC government is facing opposition from some two hundred or so parties (we don't play here). Fortunately, their supporters are just as blindly..., pardon, solidly, loyal as yours. It's something to see unforced loyalty based on affection, respect and recognition of a track record of integrity,  honourable behaviour and competence. 

It's admirable that you were able to soldier on despite the death of Mr Navalny, which must have weighed heavily on your mind. What with your being that rare creature  - the sensitive, caring statesman. You remind me so of our own Mr Zuma, who is all for corporal punishment and other enlightened reforms.

I noticed that a few people, carried away by the euphoria of participating in free and fair elections, ruined ballot boxes and set stuff on fire. I'm sure that this was all just in high election spirits. You know: voters will be voters. Suspended sentences and some meaningful community service should sort that out. I'm thinking, clearing snow and ice, healthy outdoors work - that sort of thing.

We, too, have had some high jinks by politicians and public figures that went too far. All the way to commissions of inquiry, for example. We elected not to take a primitive, punitive approach. (We're way past that sort of medieval thinking). Instead, we redeployed, promoted, supported, in a cutting edge approach to discouraging criminality and fostering responsibility and accountability. To my knowledge, it's been a stunning success. We have people alleged to have been villains, scoundrels and out and out rotters now in many positions of high responsibility. One should never write rotte..., I mean, people, off. Does one's heart good to see the most modern reform and correction initiatives in action. I have no doubt that we will soon taste the fruits of our reform initiatives. Perhaps just as soon as our parliamentary speaker returns from special leave and we defeat loadshedding (which should be anytime soon  - or just now, as we say in South Africa).

So, I trust, Mr Putin, that you will take a leaf out of our African book, just as we have often done with yours. After all, are we not both important, impactful actors on the global stage? There you are, striving to bring peace and harmony to various parts of the world, using every means at your disposal: diplomacy, drones, rockets, mercenaries. And here we are, er, doing our best. Incidentally, our minister of defence said that we supplied you with fokol when your ship docked here. With all the demands being made on your military and other personnel, you may be running low by now. Please know that we have an inexhaustible supply of fokol to give and your ships are welcome any dark night.

Yours in the struggle for free and fair elections, even when outcomes are pre-determined.

Richard 

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Scuffle On, MK

How did I come to have dozens of MK followers on TikTok?

I was praised as a wise man, a legend and other honorifics that would have had me blushing, were I still able to blush.

The reason for this outpouring of praise? This excerpt from a blog post:

'Dear Mr Zuma

My heartfelt thanks for your wisdom and guidance.  I was on the verge of making a terrible mistake at the polling station. 

I understand that you said that a vote for the ANC is a vote for WMC.  Now, I mistakenly thought that a vote for the DA was a vote for WMC.  Ah,  but now I see it clearly. A vote for The DA is a vote for apartheid.  Thank you for making that clear distinction. It would be a terrible thing to think that one had made one's mark for WMC only to find later that it was actually a vote for apartheid...'

(The Scuffle Continues : Seeing The Light: https://thescuffle.blogspot.com/2023/12/seeing-light.html)

A (very) few readers did read between the bull and awarded me a 'fuseg' and 'msu@#$$' or two. These I promptly 'liked', as is my custom.

I expect many more fusegs and msu@#$$s once the realization dawns that the video was not exactly a paen of praise for the Dancing One. 

This raises some interesting questions and thoughts.

Do many South Africans simply cherry pick whatever suits their ideology or theology, without engaging 'drive' upstairs? This could explain the worship of political idols with feet of very fragile clay.

Are irony and satire lost on many of our people? That could explain why rogues and charlatans get so many rides on the merry- go-round. Particularly when they should have left the playground with tails firmly tucked between legs.

Yeats wrote that:

Hearts with one purpose alone
Through summer and winter seem
Enchanted to a stone
To trouble the living stream.

In South Africa, Mr Yeats, we could cannabilise that to:

Heads with one thought alone

Through summer and winter seem

Enchanted to a block of wood

To trouble the living stream.

I quote, for the umpteenth time, because it seems proved time and again:

'If George Orwell had written 2020 in South Africa:

The party's ever-present slogans fluttered proudly from deserted dairy farms, vandalized railway stations and scorched public buildings:

INCOMPETENCE IS HEROISM

DECAY IS PROGRESS

BULLSHIT IS TRUTH....'

(The Scuffle Continues : 2020: https://thescuffle.blogspot.com/2020/12/2020_21.html)

In South Africa, the satire not only writes itself, but, like good manure, grows richer, riper and darker daily.

Here's to my many temporary MK followers!

Viva comrades, viva!

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The Land That Commonsense Forgot

 Dear Jeff

I read the draft of your book, as promised. Interesting title: The Land That Commonsense Forgot'.

You asked me to be brutally honest with you. 

The part about the liberation struggle and the triumph over oppression made good, inspirational reading. 

I also enjoyed your satirical treatment of the descent into chaotic corruption and decay. Echoes of Orwell's 'Nineteen-Eighty-Four', complete with the tortured reasoning and language of the Party. I think that your treatment of the liberation from commonsense of government, politicians and people was nothing short of brilliant. Corrupt politicians treated as heroes, buffoons feted like pop stars, incompetents promoted to the highest positions in the land - the humour is deliciously dark. It's also quite disturbing and I couldn't help wondering what benighted country you based this story on.

Here's the brutal part. Jeff, you can't expect readers to believe that a country was sold to a foreign family over a few curries. I know that there's suspension of disbelief, but that's asking too, too much. Then there are other really bizarre episodes that no publisher will let ride. Really - medicine carried by head, a trip to Geneva that somehow bypasses Switzerland, political parties that resemble rogues' galleries and circus troupes, the far-fetched slapstick around electricity and water supply! Above all, there are two aspects that I urge you to remove, if you don't want the book to sink without trace. Not even the worst buffoonocracy in the world would spend millions on a commission into treasonous corruption and racketeering and then allow the accused to frolic in high and low places. What on earth were you smoking when you cobbled that up? (I did warn you about Durban's finest). Then there's also the bit about the very senior parliamentarian swanning off on special leave in the midst of investigations into very serious allegations. That doesn't happen. People resign.

If you remove those bits, I believe that your book will do very well. It has to be believable. The odd stretching of the boundaries of credibility is to be expected in a fiction novel, but this.....

If you do not, your family may well buy your book and praise it to you. In all likelihood, they'll be saying privately: "What a load of unbelievable codswallop."

Harsh, I know, but that's the brutal truth.

Best of luck.

Yours in the struggle to publish.

Richard 

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Reddy - Willing and Able

Dear Mr Visvin Reddy

People are so wicked and irresponsible.

But then you know that already, don't you?Apparently, devious persons unknown tampered with your speech, somehow editing the video.

I believe you. I do not know you but you look the sort of mature, reasonable type who wouldn't spew out that sort of horse manure. I don't know much about the law but it all sounded rather threatening and bordering on, or crossing over into, incitement to violence. Talk of civil war and preventing South Africans from voting! You do know, of course, that that makes less sense than a bout of flatulence. No, I don't see any grown man embarrassing himself and his family with such mindless gibberish. So clearly, someone tampered with your video.

They made your speech sound like a very badly dubbed version of something Mussolini would have done on a bad, babelas day. With some malemarisms thrown in. Or something that a would-be school bully, cum clown, with a juvenile craving for attention, would do. I just don't see you spewing out that vile stuff on a public platform. Especially not in the name of umKhonto weSisu...., sorry Sizwe. (By the by, I have an Afrikaans speaking friend who insists on pronouncing umKhonto quite differently. I don't know if it's a real word that he uses, or what it means. It just sounds rather odd).

You have my empathy. I was once in the same leaky boat. A very irritating fellow was running down that fine crime fighter,  Mr Cele. I responded that I would fix it up. Do you know what they did? They edited my speech and substituted a different f verb.

 Fortunately during my court appearance, (for threatening violence, of all things!) I had several character witnesses who testified.

that I never swear. WTF,  I was properly brought up. I am sure that you could call up a host of witnesses of unimpeachable character and integrity. Mr. Zuma and Dr Ace are but two examples. Incidentally, I know that Mr Cele himself would have responded with dignity and restraint. You wouldn't get him yelling out stuff like 'Sharrap, Sharrap!' Good heavens, the man's a cabinet minister.

I do hope that the people who did this are arrested and get their just deserts. Sir, I think that, in the meantime, you should lie really low. Perhaps lower than a snake's belly. Sinister persons are probably following you around, just waiting for you to say something innocent like: 'Have a nice day'. Just so that they can record you and twist it into something ugly or as stupid as that edited speech. I think stick to sign language in public (just watch out for ambiguous gestures).

I don't know who 'they' are - yet.  I'm sure that they are the same lot who edited Mr. Malema's 'die forZuma'  into 'kill for Zuma'. And messed with Mr Mbalula's speeches to make him sound silly. Which, of course, he isn't. A trifle peculiar at times, yes, but not silly. Certainly not a clown.

It's a wicked world that we live in. People who have no business opening their mouths in public, polluting the atmosphere. People who should know better, breathing fire and slaughter, when we most need common sense and sensible solutions to our challenges. Then we have some, running around, editing fine, inspirational speeches.  Making them sound like the garbage  dumped on the streets of Durban recently.  I would sue them dry.  You might want to contact MERDE (Mann Enterprise for Resolution of Dire Emergencies) for assistance in this regard. We have a BBBEE rating (Bloody Bad, Bold, Enterprising Etters). My banking details are below and you can contact me via EFT.

You started your speech with 'Hear me carefully'. Nice touch. Reminiscent of your great leader's venture into creative numeracy ('Listen carefully: seven hundred million thousand and twenty hundred thousand...). A wise man emulates other wise men.

Yours in the struggle against shadowy manipulators of video material. Onward to the ballot box! 

Richard 

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The Law is 'a Ass'

Dear Mr Zuma 

I am so glad that your star is on the rise - for now.

I paid rapt attention to your recent speech, which made Churchill look like a fumbling, primary school debater.

You manfully tackled the use of Roman Dutch law in South Africa. Look at what the Romans and the Dutch did in times past. Not exactly exemplary behaviour, looting, raiding. None of that ever happens here.

I find all that stuff about 'audi alterem partem' most unnecessary and irritating. Take the 'Nemo Judex in causa sua' principle.  Really! Who better to judge your cases than you yourself? Who knows you better? The commission and all that unpleasantness could have been avoided, and we would have been dwelling at ease in Eskom's pleasant light, universities, bridges,  cities and green mealies rising out of the good South African soil. If only we had jettisoned those unafrican, so-called legal principles.

It's all very petty and irritating, focusing on fraud, theft, corruption etc. All the while, serious crimes, such as teenage pregnancy, go unpunished. If I read correctly, you would banish the miscreants to Robben Island. Keeping them safely separated, I assume, to forestall any further breaches of the law.

I am delighted that you are leading the charge against immorality,  particularly of a sexual nature. Who better?  Set a thief to catch a thief. No, I am not saying you are a thief  (just a Roman Dutch proverb).  Nor am I implying that you ever wallowed in the muddy ditches  of sexually immoral shenanigans. I simply think that, in your long adventurous life, you have witnessed much of the seamy stuff. It must have grieved you profoundly. 

I understand that you are for corporal punishment.  I trust that it will be public, as a grand spectac...., I mean example. This should deter those involved in racketeering, fraud, money laundering and other forms of corruption, which I know your soul detests. Sir, have you considered stoning and similar stuff. I found some interesting and promising methods of deterrence in books on our past history. And I refer specifically to KZN. I trust that you will look into those (the methods, not the books).

You pointed out that if we were truly free, thirty years on, people would not be arrested during democracy, as they were during apartheid. I could not agree more. A friend used that very argument after being arrested for redeploying several luxury German vehicles. Where is our democratic right to piss on the rights of others? I say this Roman Dutch law is a proverbial ass. Let's stop with the arrests and allow people their democratic right to loo...., sorry live large in the quest for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and free stuff. 

You mentioned that MK was  deliberately not given an English name like "democracy or something that we don't know".  A little confusing, as you headed a democratic government for several long years. Perhaps that explains your "I know nothing, nothing' nothing!" and "what have I done?". It might be a little bewildering to head up a democratic government while being somewhat unsure of what democracy is. You said that, in the past, the 'Spear of the Nation' was used to resolve matters. A good point. Very sharp. What was wrong with the old feudal system? People knew their place. There were no teenage pregnancies, as far as I can gather. No Hollywood style arrests

 (See The Scuffle Continues : Bollywood- Style Arrest: https://thescuffle.blogspot.com/2020/10/bollywood-style-arrest.html.)

 

Sure, there was a bit of corporal punishment  - the odd beheading. But I never ever heard of anyone protesting or carrying on.

So inspired was I by your eloquent speech, pregnant with the possibility of a return to moral rectitude and timeless values, that I sang out a few verses of "umShini Wami" (Bring me my machine gun). Okay, so there's only one verse - I sang it several times. Just by the by, if I can't make it to a golf course for some physiotherapy, I find that this song, with accompanying dance steps, does wonders for any ailments that I have (gastric, colds, chronic or terminal stuff etc.).

That speech convinced me that, in your mshini-cradling hands lie the answers to the corruption, inefficiency, incompetence, disunity and aimlessness that so bedevil our nation. And we know who the devils are. I could have sworn at one point in the speech that I heard the music of the spheres. But it might have been my neighbour playing some gqom. That and the sugar free coke that I had in the spirit of the moment.

Bring me my ballot box.

Yours in the struggle for justice and a great leap forward in this century.

Richard 

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As You Sow / Vote

We know that voting in South Africa has nothing to do with common sense, reason or even previous experience.

It has even less to do with the survival of our country. Buggerall to do with national security. 

There's no point in talking sense when it comes to elections and voting. 

So here's the bizarre Alice in Wonderland truth.

If you want a government that has proven skills in stealing, blundering, exquisite BS and the ability to destroy a country faster than our Zimbabwean friends, then your choice is easy and clear.  The comrades are ready, willing and able to deliver. But don't despair. you have five long years to protest. It's worked over the last 30 years, hasn't it? so don't fix what isn't broken.  But then again, what isn't broken in South Africa?

If you want a government that has little to offer,  apart from noise and violence, then go with the boyz in the hood.  That is, Red Rioting Hood and friends. Unfair,  you say?. Well, of all the achievements of this particular party what else stands out? 

You know that they are also alleged to have dipped into various cookie jars .  I cannot prove that but it's common cause that they certainly wasted huge amounts of taxpayer money in Ethekwini and elsewhere. With a little help from their coalition friends. I'm not going to bore you with the details, but it's all there to read, if you really want to. And many don't want to, so let's move on.

In a normal country, a party with that record not only would have zero votes but would not exist within a year.  But then we established at the outset that our normal is a little different.  A bit more like the normal of Alice in Wonderland, Nineteen Eighty-Four and Animal Farm.  

If you want a government already tainted by having a figurehead who has managed to dodge trial for years for a dozen or more  charges, look east, young man, look east. If that's not exciting enough for you, scandals hang like several albatrosses around his honourable neck. 

As far as I can gather the manifesto of the particular party is to be found in  a popular song about a firearm. 

If on the other hand, you long for the return of sanity, law and order and the hope of progress then..... 

Ah, but we're not talking about such foreign concepts are we? How could we hope to decolonize our country if we hang on to such colonial notions? Promises of free stuff, dialectical materialism, revolutionary slogans - now that's the stuff of Leadership.  A bit of land and some state ownership to top it off.

Never bow before colonialists when you can have your fill of corruption, buffoonery, incompetence, indifference and all the other things that have made our country great. 

So there is no point in saying vote wisely, vote rationally, vote for the future of our country. 

Nothing will change your minds, so vote as you please. As the song says: 'there'll be time enough for counting, when the dealing's done'.

In other words, vote in haste, repent at leisure. In still other words, you will probably get the thoroughly shithole country that you deserve.

It is a great pity that your children deserve better, and so do their children. But what the heck. Nothing like clichés, slogans, song, dance and T-shirts to fill the empty belly and soothe the soul. 

Dear fellow South Africans, don't say we didn't tell you so.  

As you vote, so shall you reap. And, tragically, so shall we all.

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Best of the Best

Dear Fellow South Africans 

Did you know that Bafana Bafana is the best football team in the world?

Well, apparently Mr. Cele told officers at a national police day that the South African police service is among the best police services in the world.  So what the heck -  Bafana is best. Local is lekker.

In my eagerness, to assist Mr. Cele - and Lord knows he needs all the assistance he can get - I did some research. 

According to one source, 85.5 percent of murders go unsolved in South Africa. An Independent Police Investigative Directorate (IPID)annual report stated that more than 5 500 cases of police criminal offences are reported every year. I seem to recall Mr Cele saying once that there is no police brutality in South Africa. The report speaks of more than 3500 cases of torture and assault. Perhaps that was not brutal enough for Mr Cele.

Yes, I think we have enough evidence to support Mr Cele's assertion that we sit up there at the summit with the best. Probably just below Scotland Yard and the FBI.

There was a report in 2019 about the much- maligned,  best president of all time , who built roads , bridges and universities and never looked sideways at a ten rand note. That's Mr Zuma. The great man was alleged to have had sleeper agents in the police.

• "Unknown sleeper agents were deployed to and are still integrated into structures in the police and state-owned companies, such as the Passenger Rail Agency of SA (Prasa)". News 24

"The High-Level Panel Review Panel on State Security earlier found that Zuma had abused the SSA for personal gain."

Now, judging from the very large number of photos and videos of police officers sleeping.

at desks,  in cars and in other places where sleep may be found, there could well be some substance to the sleeper allegations.  They certainly know how to sleep in this top police service.

Incidentally, the report also dwelt  on  how former public protector, Ms Mkhwebane seemed to ignore the 'sleeper agents' information, in favor of 'pressing' investigators on the SARS rogue unit. A phantom of someone's fertile brain, if I read that right.

Just thought I'd mention this to join my voice to the many voices of support for the two much-maligned individuals - Mr Zuma and Ms Mkhwebane.

What have we here, Mr Cele. Delusions, lies, a passion for mediocrity - all of these? We've had Tintswaloworld, 'loadshedding- is -not-the-end-of-the-world', now this

I can only again quote an earlier post, 2020:

'If George Orwell had written 2020 in South Africa:

The party's ever-present slogans fluttered proudly from deserted dairy farms, vandalized railway stations and scorched public buildings:

INCOMPETENCE IS HEROISM

DECAY IS PROGRESS

BULLSHIT IS TRUTH'

(The Scuffle Continues : 2020: https://thescuffle.blogspot.com/2020/12/2020_21.html)

The alarming thing is that, in South Africa, this is not satire, but truth. 

The frightening thing is that, in South Africa, we have become so accustomed to delusion, lies and soul numbing mediocrity that we will vote it in time and again.

Yours in the struggle for some sanity.

Richard 

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Wait Until Dark

Dear Fellow South Africans

 

I trust that you thoroughly enjoyed the Tintswalo story and the one about 'private hospitals good, public hospitals better'. I hope that you have stored these nuggets away for inspiration on polling  day.

 

Here's another, that will probably top the wonderfully winsome SONA story.

 

 Ms Sylvia Lucas of fast food fame is reported to have said that load shedding is not the end of the world. I agree Ms Lucas. That will probably be facilitated by the Middle East or China or Iran or North Korea or the US, or all of the above.

No, Miss Lucas it is probably just the end of South Africa. Let me reassure you that the fast food places will still fry on, as they probably all have generators. If I had the ability to write children's stories, I would write one called 'Tintswalo and Friends. Here's an example of what would be in the book:

 

' See Jane drive to KFC. See her chauffeur go in to fetch a bucket of KFC. See Jane send him back to fetch the other nine buckets. Jane is enjoying her KFC. She thinks of all the people who cannot afford KFC, or any other food. Fat tears roll down Jane's  cheeks. Jane has a tender heart (not that 'tender', little ones!). She has another drumstick and  feels better. Does Jane have money to pay for the KFC? Children, tell your parents to get a government credit card. Then you can have all the KFC you want. The nice people at KFC smile when they see Jane. She is a very good customer. Children ask your parents the meaning of 'customer'. It means different things in South Africa. If you go to a government department it means peasant'. Don't fret, dear children. You will soon learn what those words mean.  In the next chapter, little friends,  we see more of Jane and Tintswalo's other friends. Depending on how your parents, uncles and aunts vote, we may see a lot of them - a whole lot. Isn't it fun?'

In other news,  Ms Lucas's colleague, Doctor Electricity, assured South Africans that it will soon be over. As it is unlikely that he was referring to load shedding, one can only assume that this statement ties in with the whole End of the World theme. Perhaps that explains why Mr Ramaphosa said that we should look on the bright side of load shedding. I think that we are being prepared for a time when load shedding will be the least of our problems. It's good of the ANC to give us these subtle warnings. Quite unsettling when you're not forewarned and the roof falls in.

 

Dr Electricity is a most interesting fellow. His dancing skills complement his communication skills. Indeed, it's sometimes difficult to tell which of the two he is actually doing. I seem to recall that on one day he gave three different reasons for stage six load shedding. Now I do know that it's an extremely complex business, so perhaps that understandable. 

He mentioned the ramping up of planned maintenance as one of the reasons. That was just a little puzzling. Fool that I am, I thought that planned maintenance was, er,  planned. I could kick myself. Just because the word 'planned' was used, it does not have to follow that any planning actually took place. After all, in South Africa, and particularly within the ANC, words have many meanings. It's a 'Nineteen Eighty-Four' and  'Alice  in Wonderland' thing.  'Progress',  "Justice', "integrity',  'revolutionary', even 'comrade' and many other words mean exactly what the speaker intends them to mean at a specific time.

'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less. ' 'The question is,' said Alice, 'whether you can make words mean so many different things.' (Alice in Wonderland).

The answer from our comrades in the ANC and other revolutionary parties: an emphatic 'Yebo Yes'

I am inspired. I cannot wait to cast my vote. I hope that you are equally inspired.

Yours in the struggle to dodge the end that comes "not with a bang, but with a whimper" (T.S. Eliot).

Richard 

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Tintswalo Revisited

 Dear Mr Ramaphosa 

We all know that the state of the nation address has nothing to do with the actual state of the nation. 

It's more about the state of the ANC's fortunes right now. We know those are in a shambles. What with the mighty Nxamalala Msholozi Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma and faithful daughter Dudu huffing and puffing at your fragile house in KZN.  There's Commander in Chief of singin', dancin' ground forces, the shouting, pouting Julius Red Rioting Hood Malema. Don't let the 0 to 3 percent scores in by-elections fool you. These guys are on the march, fire issuing from their nostrils.

So, it is somewhat understandable that you would take refuge in the realm of fantasy and fairy tale. Tintswalo tripping through the Mzansi woods, the noble ANC, having vanquished and negotiated with the big bad wolf, now filling her basket with RDP, NSFAS and social grant goodies for grandma and the whole family. Yes, it does make one cringe, doesn't it? When power stations, people and hope are taking a battering as never before. So taking refuge in Tintswalo Land is understandable, but not forgivable. No one serious about our future should forgive you at the polls. No one serious about our survival should forgive you at the polls.

As for the parties mentioned above. Why anyone would take them seriously; why anyone would think them capable of addressing complex problems and restoring some hope and optimism to a battered nation, is a question beyond rational analysis. The burner burns. The destroyer destroys. Only a very few understand and have the skills to build. Breathing fire and slaughter, revenge, hatred and impossible Uhurus also belongs in the land of fantasy. Tintswalo reloaded. Dark cave stuff from the dark past. There it needs to stay. We have had our fill of darkness. 

A little light, please, South Africa.

Mr Ramaphosa, the man-who-preferred-the-public-hospital folk tale was insensitive in the extreme.  We do expect insensitivity from the ANC. It's how you roll, blue lights accompanying. Let the people who queue all day, daily, tell you how crass that was. You wouldn't understand the misery, especially for the elderly, of being ill, weary, shunted, disrespected, treated in grudging, cavalier fashion, waiting, waiting, waiting. 

Why should you? Tintswalo.

Yours in the struggle for some truth and decency.

Richard 

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Trump, Zuma, Malema for President

Dear Mr Trump 

You could have destroyed your campaign with that remarkably witless comment about NATO. 

Fortunately for you, it doesn't matter to the cult members what you say. You could sing 'Baa Baa Black Sheep' to thunderous applause. We, in the sh..hole countries (as some clown once referred to us), know this well. We have our share of populist politicians with mandibular dislocation (python-like mouth stretching). 

And you call Joe Biden a mental basket case.

It's intriguing that you so resemble our own Zuma, Malema and others. Every time you open your mouths, you destroy any remaining illusions about your fitness for office. I'm not saying that you couldn't be presidents - of, say, a small football club. 

This does beg a question. Which came first: sh..hole politicians or sh..hole voters? Important, because we seem to be digging ever bigger sh..holes around the world, wielding our democratic rights and privileges as a mean brat wields a hammer.

I'm glad that we are not NATO members. We sometimes have a little trouble paying bills. And you said that bills must be paid. Or else. (I love it when you go all persuasive and diplomatic). Terrible if you encouraged Russia to attack us for unpaid  bills. Of course that's academic. Russia would never attack us. They are our loyal mast..., pardon, mates. When the West was giving them the cold shoulder, we even loaded a uniquely South African product, fokol, onto one of their ships one night. (See The Scuffle Continues : Bringing Fokol to the World: https://thescuffle.blogspot.com/2023/05/bringing-fokol-to-world.html )

Nevertheless, your idea is not without merit, applied elsewhere. Banks could not only refuse to help errant debtors,  but even encourage willing third parties to attack them. As I was saying to my bank manager when he complained about my....er, that's not really relevant here. Mr Trump, when you were in business, did you....., nah, perish the thought.

Well, sir, thank goodness for sh..hole politics. I wouldn't be too concerned, if I were you. Prattle on.

Yours in the struggle for significance on the global stage.

Richard 

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