ANC Youth League leader Collen Malatji says “the ANC pays you for being born, pays you for living, pays you to go to school, pays you to go to university and gives your mother water and electricity”.
Dear Mr Malatji
I see that I have been horribly shortchanged. Could I please have my payment now for being born. I have checked my Capitec savings account several times since reading your uplifting message, but, so far, nothing, nada. dololo. Are you sure that you guys have the correct account details? I've included them below, just in case your database is not up to date. That would be a surprise as we all know that ANC spells efficiency.
As for being paid for living, had I known that, I would not have slaved to stay just over broke for so many years. I suppose that the large chunks that SARS hewed out of my salary were for that purpose. I'd like to collect now, please, having lived almost three score years and ten. Where do I sign up? Not Home Affairs or Labour, I hope, as I've also spent a goodly portion of those years queuing at those fine establishments. Often to no avail, as the staff have to go home sometime.
Yes, I'll be pleased to be paid for my school years. They were boring in the extreme and of little value in the real world. Bartholomew Diaz, his fascinating sea voyages notwithstanding, was not helpful in the acquisition of jobs, loans or anything really useful. Now had we been thoroughly schooled in technical skills, things would have been very different. I refer to the life skills that make the world go round. A practical, useful syllabus would have included:
* Strategies and tactics for life without water and electricity
* How to make, keep, switch and discard friends in high, political places and low lucrative places
* Starting your own political party for profit
* Living off the fat of the land in lean times
And much more of the good stuff
Adding insult to injury, we did not have the benefit of being allowed to pass some subjects with a 30 percent score. I don't see why not. Some of the thirty percenters are managing our country quite efficiently - aren't they?
I paid back my university loan with interest. Why did those cunning bankers not tell me that it had already been paid by the ANC? I plan to sue them just as soon as I can get hold of Mr Mpofu. I think he's done with that futil..., I mean, difficult case for Mr Zuma.
As for water and electricity for my mother, she has passed on, but I certainly could do with some water and electricity for myself. There's not been much of either, though you couldn't tell that from the bills, which are remarkably regular and consistent.
I know that the ANC has itself had some trouble with bills (for wages, suppliers etc.) but I'm very pleased that they've not been tempted to dip into their fund that "pays you for being born, pays you for living, pays you to go to school, pays you to go to university and gives your mother water and electricity”.
That's integrity.
Yours in the struggle to ensure that voters are grateful for ALL that the ANC does.
Richard
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Capitec Bank, South Africa
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