The Finger

On the government's coat of arms should be a finger raised in the universal rude gesture. 

I brought an elderly lady from an old age home to the nearby state hospital. They call it a hospital but it looks like a squat in a thoroughly disreputable neighbourhood.

She spent an entire day, mostly waiting.  A specialist, due in the afternoon, had not arrived by 8pm. I asked a doctor to find out when this would happen, as I would have to wheel her back to the old age home in the dark, through unsafe streets. 

"She is coming," the doctor told me, supposedly having called the specialist.

He just didn't say which day, month or year. 

It is far better to give the finger to weary, dispirited patients, than to lie. Lying is clearly not covered by the Hippocratic oath. At 9 pm, it's decided that the patient should spend the night. That decision could have been made much earlier, if anyone gave a fig. Ah, but then we are just South African citizens, not ANC royalty, friends or family. 

The next morning, I roll up, confident that all has been done. How stupid I am. 2 pm on this second day and all that has been done for the patient is to make her sit and wait, in a twilight zone where all communication has died a painful death. Drawing out the misery is a uniquely South African service skill.  State departments have honed it to a fine art. I speak to two sets of medical practitioners. One, like a good South African politician, makes a promise, then disappears forever. The other reports back that the doctor will follow up. Now where did I hear that before?

This government poison has seeped into business as well. Not for the first time, I queued at the only Capitec ATM out of three, that was still functioning. As in a Monty Python movie, the dreaded 'Out of Service' message proudly flashed on at the exact moment that I stepped up. Capitec, it's a fascinating business model that you have, sticking a couple of dead ATMs next to the sole living one.

Netflix has playing an intriguing game with a friend of mine, kicking him out at delightfully irregular intervals. And Netflix blithely continues, seeing no need for apologies or explanations that make sense to a rational human being. 

We are drowning in execrable service. And gulping down the stuff as we go. Have you been allowing this to happen to you - monkey business as usual? You shouldn't.

I am sure that there are some fine, compassionate, competent people somewhere in the swamp that our country has become.

We just didn't meet them on this occasion.

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723

None So Blind

"The ANC parliamentary caucus has expressed its "strongest condemnation of the rampant fraud and corruption uncovered at Eskom". | @gerbjan.  Thus reported one of our news agencies, with a straight face.

ANC jokes are so tiresome. Marching against crime, pontificating about the basic human rights of people in other countries (to water, safety etc.), eternally self-correcting and self-renewing, creating mythical Tintswalos, seeing Apartheid, a sinister, Bigfoot - like creature,  in every fumble, blunder and self-inflicted disaster. 

If you are going to lie, try to be consistent. Your minister of darkness, very early on in his stellar dance-and-tell career, said that technology, not corruption, was at the root of Eskom's problems. De Ruiter was reviled for daring to suggest that something was rotten, not only in Eskom but in the upper echelon as well.

The ANC is not alone. The people ultimately responsible for the steaming mess at the bottom of our pit toilet are the voters. Imagine voting in the fox to guard the henhouse, year in and year out, blood and feathers on his grinning jaws. 

If reason and commonsense were allowed under our tattered border fence as readily as illegal immigrants are, the ANC, EFF, MK and their bedfellows (or fellow bedwetters) would have been discarded at the polls a long time ago. Show me one positive thing that these merchants of misery and mischief have done for South Africa. Show me one thing that they have touched that has not turned instantly to excrement. Show me what thirty years of ANC rule, many years of EFF prancing and yapping and MK's directionless dancing and singing have achieved for you, fellow South African. Our politicians love the word 'fokol'. One can see why.

If you ask me for proof of non-performance, incompetence, buffoonery and indifference, then you clearly have not read or watched the news for thirty years. You have gone about your daily business with eyes tight shut. I cannot help you, Rip van Winkle. Go back to sleep.

I write this at a state hospital. It's a drab, dingy place, the overall appearance and atmosphere better suited to one of the more notorious prisons. Walls and floors are cracked and peeling. 

Tired, bewildered patients shuffle from station to station, while staff shuffle papers endlessly. One would think that the business of this hospital is paper, not patients. Medical and clerical staff are generally brusque, sometimes impatient and sometimes seemingly angry at the world. 

"Go here. Go there," sums up most of the communication from the angels of mercy. A nurse set up a drip for the person I was accompanying.

"What happens next? Where do we go to?" I asked, trying to avoid the black hole of bewilderment that tends to follow each stage of treatment.

Her reply did wonders for my confidence in our medical practitioners:

"I don't know. I'm just following the doctor's orders." 

"We too," I said. "If we just knew what they were!"

And our jocular president spoke, during a State of the Nation Address, of a state hospital that was better than private hospitals. 

Again, if you're going to lie, try to steer clear of science fiction and fantasy. (I just mention this apropos of nothing).

"How dare you? Who are you to tell us how to vote? It's our democratic right!"

I know of a guy who, in a show of extremely foolish bravado, drank a bottle of vodka, neat and in almost one go. It killed him. But it was his democratic right.

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723

Dudu or Death

Dear Honourable Dudu 

Thanks to you, I now know what it takes to be an honourable member. That was a fine piece of oratory, your tweets advising Floyd to eff off. I now have full confidence that you will address repo rate issues with gusto and finesse. I can clearly see that your deployment to parliament was a wise choice indeed, based on the fine qualities that we sometimes get a glimpse of from your thought-provoking tweets. The latest, of course, being a particularly choice example.

Your transparency is commendable. We see the soiled laundry.

I do not know what led to the falling out. You must have been sorely provoked, as we all know what a model of restraint, forbearance and reason you are. Floyd must have done something really bad. He did once put a chokehold on an impertinent journalist, so nothing would surprise. 

There were outpouring of support for you both. The most heartwarming of them all came from Apostle Deza:

"We’re NOT Confused Nor Misled. We are fully behind Duduzile. It’s Dudu OR Death! 😭😭😭🙌🏾 #HandsOffDudu Hands Off ✊🏾

Apostle Deza"

Such a ring to that: "Dudu OR death!" It's the sort of ringing battle cry you'd expect to hear in an epic like 'Lord of the Rings' or 'The Charge of the Light Brigade'. I strongly suggest that you adopt it as an MK war cry. I bet it would scare the living daylights out of anyone foolish enough to oppose you.

I scrolled through the thoughtful comments on X, casting more light on this family disagreement. Dear reader, a stroll down this lane will show you how strongly grounded the MK Party is in principle and sound problem-solving and conflict handling skills. They will never be shaken.

'Floyd is a factionalist he tried that in the EFF and CIC Julius Malema ended it, Commander Dudu never be shaken by this useless SG

#HandsOffDudu'

'We are still not confused. We are protecting our Sister Duduzile Zuma Sambudla from the Man who singlehandedly collapsed the VBS Bank. The only bank owned by Africans.'

'VBS Fraud Floyd Shivambu is a problem - he's a sexist and a chauvinist.

#HandsOffDudu

Proud African'

'He did bites Julius Malema so many  times, fortunately Julius Malema is immune to snake 🐍 venom and he wanted to sell the EFF to Rupert and failed.

Today he's seen biting everyone who's disagree with him in the Mkp .

Unfortunately he touched the wrong one !

#HandsOffDudu

Kate'

'They Will Expel Me Tomorrow…It Is Well With My Soul

OKSALAYO FLOYD IS USELESS!!!

#WeSeeYou

Duduzile'

'What I know is that Comrade Dudu can't betray her Father. She discovered something about mahonisi evil plans.

Battalion 54'

It is a little confusing. Floyd was going to add great value to MK, with his sound ideology and superior logic, according to such expert commentators as the respected Kim Heller. What happened to the sweet nothings that used to pass between Dudu, Floyd and Julius? As I place great value on the analytical skills of the Comrade commentators above, I again come to the reluctant conclusion that Floyd did Something Bad.

It's also surprising that, after denials and indignation, some of the comrades are asserting quite openly that Floyd did Something Not Quite Right at the VBS Bank. Begs another question: why, then, did you welcome him like a long-lost brother at MK?

All a bit messy, but I'm confident that wise heads, of which there is clearly no shortage in the mighty MK Party, will prevail. Any fears that one may have are laid to rest by this tweet:

'MK Party is strong than ever my Lord, don't worry about The EFF gossiping lies about Brother Floyd and Dudu

Coastland 24'

Yes, the proof  that the MK Party is 'strong than ever', is self-evident in these exchanges. 

Dudu OR Death!

Yours in the struggle against sexists, chauvinists, factionalists and other counter- revolutionary types.

Richard

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723

 

The Unquiet American

An American called Jason Hinkle has popped out of the backwoods or swamps recently, probably sipping at a jar of moonshine, as he praises Julius Malema. Of course, if you were here, mate, your pampered ass (trying to use terms you'll understand) would be singing a different tune. Julius has interesting thoughts about you, based on your complexion.

That must be strong stuff you're glugging. For you, Julius, Olympic class flip-flopper, race cardsharp, high life connoisseur, renowned for contributing nothing beyond clouds of hot air, is a hero. I wonder which of his heroic deeds you admire most: the dubious Ratanang Trust activities, his role in the VBS saga, the many hysterical outbursts and marches that added no value to our national struggles? Perhaps it's his oratory that gives you goosebumps, reminiscent of the greats: Mussolini, the little Austrian, our own Eugene Terreblanche. Or is it the way he can carry a tune such as 'Kill the Boer'?

In one of your mindlessly gushing tweets, you mentioned that he is fighting the banks. Yes, he allegedly did a good job on VBS, total annihilation of the enemy. I suggest that, instead of making inane, uninformed comments, Mr Hinkle, you return to catching catfish, brewing moonshine or whatever it is that you did before you became an expert on my country. You embarrass yourself.

South Africa has far too many Hinkles already, long deserted by commonsense, who fled in horror, never looking back. 

Some characteristics of creeping hinklesim:

* Spouting praise for public figures of dubious standing and achievement 

* Ignoring facts and track records for the warm sensation that comes from baying with the mob - not unlike that of urinating on oneself

* Scorning logic and sober analysis for the joy of wallowing in hatred, victimhood and wet dreams of revenge

* A preference for burning over building 

* An inability to understand that the intolerance, spite and reckless opportunism that you support, will bite you too, eventually. Ask Floyd and many others. 

There are populists and there are (a very few) people that you can trust to do the right thing for their country and future generations.

See a distinction there, Mr Hinkle?

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723

Expropriation

Dear Mr Ramaphosa

People just don't understand how hard it is being president. So many people to please. So little time.

I am glad that you haven't squandered precious time on such issues as out-of- control crime, crumbling infrastructure,  galloping corruption, incompetence and buffoonery in high places, and everything else that makes us a great nation. Don't get me wrong. These things are, of course, important to the little people. But one needs to understand the great game. Smoke, mirrors Orwell's Newspeak and Double think. I am pleased to see that you have taken the bull by the testicles and gone for the big, sexy stuff -  the Bela Bill, expropriation and, no doubt, more to come.

People have been saying that you have no spine. Well I think that you have now shown them that you can fu..., sorry shake things up  as well as the next man. I think you have just become as controversial as Trump. Of course he has some real power and resources. But who needs all that when you have historical unrighteous indignation, the accusatory finger and powerful comrades on your side.

So glad to see that you've not been distracted by trivia. After all, people die somewhere every day. Also glad to see that you remember the important rule of high politics: when troubles come, find something significant (if useless) to refocus attention.

I love the way you focus on the things that are bound to bring national unity, pride and inclusiveness. Nation building, right?

Talking of Trump, good for you, thumbing your nose at him. So we lose a whole lot of trade, jobs, grants for NGOs to do the jobs that government is failing to do...So what? At least we'll have our pride. And our friends in far away places in the Middle East and Eurasia to console us. What more does a country need?

Some say also that you are leading us rapidly down the road to another Zimbabwe. Stuff and nonsense! We are way past that on our way to our own special, imaginary Uhuru. It will eclipse everything that Zimbabwe has done in the fertile fields of transformation. (A rude friend says that, in much of Africa, transformation = trashing the hotel room most thoroughly. What does he know, bloody agent?). Is it not true that if you can believe it, then you can see it? While you flit around the world stage, making earth-shattering pronouncements, unifying your country and putting all your people first, as always, your ministers are rather quiet. That is, except for the gnu ones. Perhaps if one is going to continue down the jolly paths of banqueting while buggering things up, it is a good idea to do it quietly. 

You will certainly long be remembered as the man who, with his faithful companions, stuf....,sorry, shook South Africa up as never before. While many South Africans are hungry, it's good to know that at least there are many promises and sparkling visions to fill the belly in the interim. One day, when the smart cities are doing whatever smart cities do and the bullet trains are speeding along, people will understand and appreciate your genius. As the day is most unlikely to come anytime soon, in the meantime let's just call you the biggest bullsh...., sorry, meant to say pinch hitter of all time. (Bloody autocorrect and predictive text!).

It was on your watch that the concept of our country having much fokol to offer her own people and the world came to full fruition. (remember how we loaded the Russian ship with tons of fokol, according to our so-called minister of defence?).

Yes, you will be remembered. 

Yours in the struggle to mount the steep stairs of statementship. 

Richard.

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723

Celebrating Incompetence and Indifference

On too many occasions to count, the SABC  has displayed programme information that has nothing to do with the programme actually on screen. It might help if SABC staff actually did their jobs, instead of, say, causing allegedly drunken disruption on flights. (I just dreamed that one up). Such clumsy buffoonery is not earth shattering in comparison to looting of trillions and gross neglect of duty. Or in comparison to the treasonous betrayal of long suffering South Africans.

It does illustrate something fundamentally wrong and broken in our country. It indicates how deep the neglect, incompetence and indifference run. If the national broadcaster, which haemorrhages money like a  throat slit from ear to ear, cannot do the barest minimum, cannot meet minimum requirements for a functioning broadcaster, then you can be sure that similar incompetence  will be found elsewhere in government. Perhaps everywhere.

A friend's brother was dying of cancer in a state hospital. She observed, among others, the following, during her daily visits:

Theft was rampant in the wards. Patients would walk in from elsewhere and help themselves to fruit, juice and even her brother's toothbrush. How low have we sunk, South Africa?

We know, of course, that stealing and fraud are not restricted to patients. The Tembisa skinny jeans saga is but one example. And we murder whistleblowers.

Nurses seemed only marginally interested in the welfare of patients. Something that I foolishly thought was the whole business of nursing. Apart from the many South African hospital horror stories,  I know from personal experience that this is the rule rather than the exception. Indifference rules. Incompetence flourishes. And we want to have a National Health Insurance.

What a way to end one's days. What a way to be dying. In the company of cold, uncaring strangers. How low we have sunk. It was a mercy that my friend's brother was taken home from the place where no mercy dwells. A place unacqainted with compassion and all that makes us truly human. Where the idea of Ubuntu is a cruel, hypocritical lie. 

I worked once for a Healthcare NGO, relying on donations, with excellent staff, from managers and doctors to care workers and volunteers. That is not just my opinion. That's the view of many, many patients who travelled far from their own local clinics to attend our clinic. The difference: a management tough on standards and values, soft on people. As you celebrate 113 years of abdication of responsibility and celebration of mediocrity, here's the first thing you need to do, ANC: sack every one of the so-called leaders and managers who have made long careers out of betraying the people of South Africa.

Somewhere in this country are people who do want to serve.

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723

Brain Farts, Racism and Beaches

 A Twitter / X intellectual:

"As black people we must normalize going in numbers on those white beaches that are mostly preferred by Racist.

Make sure they're packed!!! 

Go swim!! Fart!!! And enjoy yourselves!!

It's your country!!...."

Dear Farter

How kak must your life be that the best contribution that you can make to change in our country is to fart on the beach? Why are you so obsessed about where the 'racists' swim or whatever else they do? They were defeated in 1994. For heaven's sake move on. You are going to make yourself ill. The country needs much more than your gaseous contribution. So many needs, so much to do. Your creativity and talent are needed, but not your farts. You really do not have to give utterance to every brain fart. Your philosophy not only sucks but stinks also.

This bit of verbal diarrhoea from you is not worthy of comment, except that it is typical of so much that appears on social media. Lately I've seen some really brainless, racist remarks that belong at the mushy bottom of a pit toilet. This is the kind of comment that no adult with a milligram of common sense or intelligence would make. It's the sort of rubbish that suggests that you can lump and stereotype people on the basis of parentage and circumstances of birth. That is so ludicrously brainless as to merit the Moron's Nobel Prize. It says so much more about the speaker than about those spoken of. None of it is good. Or edifying. You guys have learnt so well from your previous Nationalist masters. In fact, you would have made marvellous little apprentices for a certain half-mustachioed Austrian, with a penchant for nonsensical rants.

I shan't quote any of the wisdom of the Twitter intellectuals here. That would be like laying out great heaps of human dung for futile examination. One of the charming quirks of racist behaviour is making witless comments about people that one has never met (a mercy for those people) and knows nothing about. It may stem from never having had the benefit of the wisdom and experience of older people. It could be from the company one keeps, instead of one's own counsel. True that if one lies down with dogs, one wakes up fleas - and / or excrement. It certainly stems from failure to use the brain that God bestowed (wasted?) on you. It most assuredly stems from that great, gaping hole where conscience and the merest humanity should reside. There is an excuse for the beasts of the wild.

There is a bit of nonsense that is fairly popular on social media. It's the fantasy that black people cannot be racist. That's like saying that black people cannot be jealous, hateful, unreasonable, unreasoning or foolish. When did black people become exempt from any of the foolishness and wickedness that besets the human race? Said it before: you can be as vile as anyone else; why limit yourself? 

Really, guys! Was it for this that so many sacrificed so much in our country? For the worst kind of infantile tit for tat? Go vomit this stuff in your toilet bowl. South Africa needs and demands more of her children.

Until you grow up, we don't need you.

Yours in the struggle to find a few grown-ups in South Africa.

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723