Expropriation

Dear Mr Ramaphosa

People just don't understand how hard it is being president. So many people to please. So little time.

I am glad that you haven't squandered precious time on such issues as out-of- control crime, crumbling infrastructure,  galloping corruption, incompetence and buffoonery in high places, and everything else that makes us a great nation. Don't get me wrong. These things are, of course, important to the little people. But one needs to understand the great game. Smoke, mirrors Orwell's Newspeak and Double think. I am pleased to see that you have taken the bull by the testicles and gone for the big, sexy stuff -  the Bela Bill, expropriation and, no doubt, more to come.

People have been saying that you have no spine. Well I think that you have now shown them that you can fu..., sorry shake things up  as well as the next man. I think you have just become as controversial as Trump. Of course he has some real power and resources. But who needs all that when you have historical unrighteous indignation, the accusatory finger and powerful comrades on your side.

So glad to see that you've not been distracted by trivia. After all, people die somewhere every day. Also glad to see that you remember the important rule of high politics: when troubles come, find something significant (if useless) to refocus attention.

I love the way you focus on the things that are bound to bring national unity, pride and inclusiveness. Nation building, right?

Talking of Trump, good for you, thumbing your nose at him. So we lose a whole lot of trade, jobs, grants for NGOs to do the jobs that government is failing to do...So what? At least we'll have our pride. And our friends in far away places in the Middle East and Eurasia to console us. What more does a country need?

Some say also that you are leading us rapidly down the road to another Zimbabwe. Stuff and nonsense! We are way past that on our way to our own special, imaginary Uhuru. It will eclipse everything that Zimbabwe has done in the fertile fields of transformation. (A rude friend says that, in much of Africa, transformation = trashing the hotel room most thoroughly. What does he know, bloody agent?). Is it not true that if you can believe it, then you can see it? While you flit around the world stage, making earth-shattering pronouncements, unifying your country and putting all your people first, as always, your ministers are rather quiet. That is, except for the gnu ones. Perhaps if one is going to continue down the jolly paths of banqueting while buggering things up, it is a good idea to do it quietly. 

You will certainly long be remembered as the man who, with his faithful companions, stuf....,sorry, shook South Africa up as never before. While many South Africans are hungry, it's good to know that at least there are many promises and sparkling visions to fill the belly in the interim. One day, when the smart cities are doing whatever smart cities do and the bullet trains are speeding along, people will understand and appreciate your genius. As the day is most unlikely to come anytime soon, in the meantime let's just call you the biggest bullsh...., sorry, meant to say pinch hitter of all time. (Bloody autocorrect and predictive text!).

It was on your watch that the concept of our country having much fokol to offer her own people and the world came to full fruition. (remember how we loaded the Russian ship with tons of fokol, according to our so-called minister of defence?).

Yes, you will be remembered. 

Yours in the struggle to mount the steep stairs of statementship. 

Richard.

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Celebrating Incompetence and Indifference

On too many occasions to count, the SABC  has displayed programme information that has nothing to do with the programme actually on screen. It might help if SABC staff actually did their jobs, instead of, say, causing allegedly drunken disruption on flights. (I just dreamed that one up). Such clumsy buffoonery is not earth shattering in comparison to looting of trillions and gross neglect of duty. Or in comparison to the treasonous betrayal of long suffering South Africans.

It does illustrate something fundamentally wrong and broken in our country. It indicates how deep the neglect, incompetence and indifference run. If the national broadcaster, which haemorrhages money like a  throat slit from ear to ear, cannot do the barest minimum, cannot meet minimum requirements for a functioning broadcaster, then you can be sure that similar incompetence  will be found elsewhere in government. Perhaps everywhere.

A friend's brother was dying of cancer in a state hospital. She observed, among others, the following, during her daily visits:

Theft was rampant in the wards. Patients would walk in from elsewhere and help themselves to fruit, juice and even her brother's toothbrush. How low have we sunk, South Africa?

We know, of course, that stealing and fraud are not restricted to patients. The Tembisa skinny jeans saga is but one example. And we murder whistleblowers.

Nurses seemed only marginally interested in the welfare of patients. Something that I foolishly thought was the whole business of nursing. Apart from the many South African hospital horror stories,  I know from personal experience that this is the rule rather than the exception. Indifference rules. Incompetence flourishes. And we want to have a National Health Insurance.

What a way to end one's days. What a way to be dying. In the company of cold, uncaring strangers. How low we have sunk. It was a mercy that my friend's brother was taken home from the place where no mercy dwells. A place unacqainted with compassion and all that makes us truly human. Where the idea of Ubuntu is a cruel, hypocritical lie. 

I worked once for a Healthcare NGO, relying on donations, with excellent staff, from managers and doctors to care workers and volunteers. That is not just my opinion. That's the view of many, many patients who travelled far from their own local clinics to attend our clinic. The difference: a management tough on standards and values, soft on people. As you celebrate 113 years of abdication of responsibility and celebration of mediocrity, here's the first thing you need to do, ANC: sack every one of the so-called leaders and managers who have made long careers out of betraying the people of South Africa.

Somewhere in this country are people who do want to serve.

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Brain Farts, Racism and Beaches

 A Twitter / X intellectual:

"As black people we must normalize going in numbers on those white beaches that are mostly preferred by Racist.

Make sure they're packed!!! 

Go swim!! Fart!!! And enjoy yourselves!!

It's your country!!...."

Dear Farter

How kak must your life be that the best contribution that you can make to change in our country is to fart on the beach? Why are you so obsessed about where the 'racists' swim or whatever else they do? They were defeated in 1994. For heaven's sake move on. You are going to make yourself ill. The country needs much more than your gaseous contribution. So many needs, so much to do. Your creativity and talent are needed, but not your farts. You really do not have to give utterance to every brain fart. Your philosophy not only sucks but stinks also.

This bit of verbal diarrhoea from you is not worthy of comment, except that it is typical of so much that appears on social media. Lately I've seen some really brainless, racist remarks that belong at the mushy bottom of a pit toilet. This is the kind of comment that no adult with a milligram of common sense or intelligence would make. It's the sort of rubbish that suggests that you can lump and stereotype people on the basis of parentage and circumstances of birth. That is so ludicrously brainless as to merit the Moron's Nobel Prize. It says so much more about the speaker than about those spoken of. None of it is good. Or edifying. You guys have learnt so well from your previous Nationalist masters. In fact, you would have made marvellous little apprentices for a certain half-mustachioed Austrian, with a penchant for nonsensical rants.

I shan't quote any of the wisdom of the Twitter intellectuals here. That would be like laying out great heaps of human dung for futile examination. One of the charming quirks of racist behaviour is making witless comments about people that one has never met (a mercy for those people) and knows nothing about. It may stem from never having had the benefit of the wisdom and experience of older people. It could be from the company one keeps, instead of one's own counsel. True that if one lies down with dogs, one wakes up fleas - and / or excrement. It certainly stems from failure to use the brain that God bestowed (wasted?) on you. It most assuredly stems from that great, gaping hole where conscience and the merest humanity should reside. There is an excuse for the beasts of the wild.

There is a bit of nonsense that is fairly popular on social media. It's the fantasy that black people cannot be racist. That's like saying that black people cannot be jealous, hateful, unreasonable, unreasoning or foolish. When did black people become exempt from any of the foolishness and wickedness that besets the human race? Said it before: you can be as vile as anyone else; why limit yourself? 

Really, guys! Was it for this that so many sacrificed so much in our country? For the worst kind of infantile tit for tat? Go vomit this stuff in your toilet bowl. South Africa needs and demands more of her children.

Until you grow up, we don't need you.

Yours in the struggle to find a few grown-ups in South Africa.

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Vouchers and Vultures

If you want to turn a good idea and a fairly decent initiative into a major fiasco, here's how:

Put together a benefit for the poor. Then make it available to only some of said poor, needy and desperate.

Make the organization and the criteria so loose and vague that there's lots of room for fraud, theft, nepotism and favouritism.

Make sure that the communication is so vague as to be almost non-existent, so that jolly rumours can abound and have people scrambling around like chickens at feeding time. Strip these people of the last vestiges of dignity that they may have

And that, ladies and gentlemen is the Great South African voucher fiasco. 

I first heard about the voucher initiative about a year ago. During a break at a function, someone whispered to me that the local councillor was giving out vouchers to the needy. This was a "don't tell anyone" sort of whisper, accompanied by furtive glances left and right. I later forgot all about it but that was certainly an early sign that something is rotten in the state of Denmark. When such things are whispered in corridors,  one must needs ask why. Interesting to speculate how many people have never heard of this initiative. Even more interesting to speculate how many people, who most desperately needed the vouchers, have never had the chance of a snowball in a blast furnace to get their hands on them. I'm reminded of the story of the disabled man at the healing pool of Siloam, who just never could get into the pool because he was brushed aside by those more able than him. How many such people do we have in our communities?

Lest you think I exaggerate, let me simply tell of what's been happening at a residence for senior citizens. There have been accusations that ANC members have been listing the names of other ANC members for them to receive vouchers. That's a pretty good way to divide people and to stoke up the animosity -  something that we've always been very skilled at in this country. It's also clearly unethical and, I would guess, illegal. The money does not belong to the ANC.

And yes, there are stories of chicanery involving our honourable councillors.

This very morning there was a long  queue of people anxious to have stamped proof of address documents. I suspect that some people did not even know what the queue was for but joined it because it was one more of the many queues we have grown to know and love.

There have been as many versions of how the entire initiative works as there have been people to tell them. That tells you that this is as good a cock-up as any that we have seen over the years. I could go on and on but let this suffice to give an idea of the witches' brew that this has become. Anger, anxiety, accusations are all part of it. So yes, if you want to transform an initiative into utter chaos, this is one way to do it.

This begs a few questions:

Why give a benefit so desperately needed by so many to only some?

If cost is an issue then why not find another way to benefit the many, many needy?

Why in South Africa would you open the door to more looting, nepotism and favouritism? While there are many competent, conscientious councillors in our country, it is common cause that far too many others excel only in dishonesty and incompetence. The voucher affair reminds me, perhaps unfairly, of the ANC penchant for tossing things out to the so-called masses. We are talking about T-shirts, braais and other goodies. Never miss an opportunity to strip people of their dignity.

In the classic Western movie,  The Magnificent Seven someone speaks of a man who took his clothes off and jumped into a cactus bush. When asked why he did it, he replied: "It seemed like a good idea at the time." Someone, somewhere in government, is probably, head in hands, saying the same thing. We have got to stop running with half-baked ideas that lead to more of the same as we've experienced down the years. Think things through.

Quoting a few lines from the cannibalized version of The Heart Will Go On ( https://thescuffle.blogspot.com/2023/01/that-sinking-feeling.html ):

Once more you open a door 

It's an invite to loot even more 

You touch it one time

It's stuffed for a lifetime

And never will work anymore. 

ANC, wherever you are,

I believe that your kak will go on

And on

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The Trump and Zuma Fan Clubs

"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people, on some great and glorious day, the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." Mencken

This cannot be true.  Yes, the corridors of power have in recent times been haunted by thieves,  frauds. blustering,  egotistical incompetents and others of the colourful tribe. But to fool some of the people all of the time, you have to be at least a level above moron grade. I don't believe that the voters are morons either. So the likes of Zuma, Lesufi, Malema and friends have supporters as faithful as cult members. There are those who don't doubt that the ANC, MK, the EFF and all the other fascinating movements will lead them, one distant day, to 'some vague Utopia'. 

We all make interesting choices. Some believe that Bafana are world beaters, despite the evidence of their eyes. Some of us believe that Manchester United will regain their former glory. There are even people who believe that the SABC, that shambles of incompetence and absence of imagination, is a real national broadcaster.

There are those who have goosebumps thinking about Trump making America great again - with some eccentric team choices. What is his vision of great? Lincoln was said to have once been berated by a lady for being conciliatory towards his former enemies. His response:

"Madam, when I make my enemies my friends, do I not defeat them?"

I suspect that beneath Trump's bluff, blustering, misogynistic, crockery-throwing exterior lurks a similarly wise, insightful person, just waiting to emerge. That probably applies also to our many promise-and-slogan-spouting statesmen. Their team has demonstrated over many long years that it hasn't the foggiest on how to Make South Africa Work Again (MSAWA).

It's exceedingly difficult to admit that one was wrong about one's team, no matter how pathetic it is. It's exceedingly difficult to admit that one was and is wrong.

So,  like the characters of Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four, we invent unending revolutions, demonic, almost mythical enemies, ethereal victories and successes. For Orwell's shadowy enemy-of-the-state, Goldstein, substitute one or more of the following:

Whites

White Monopoly Capital 

Clever Blacks 

Counter revolutioniaries 

Sellouts 

Racists...

The list is limited only by imagination. And unlike in the case of the SABC, there's plenty of that to go round. Our political discourse reads like a Stephen King / Dean Koontz / Robert Ludlum concoction. Spies, traitors, bloody agents, evil ones and even the malignant spirit of Jan van Riebeeck lurk wherever lurking may be done in this fair land. 

And so, our failures are covered, our addiction to corruption, our scarcely believable incompetence and our love of buffoonery in the face of disaster and suffering. And that makes it all peachy for the hordes of loyal supporters.

So it will continue as long as fans support the brand, regardless of performance where it matters, on the field.

That is probably what makes it possible to continue supporting the train wrecks that pass for politicians and political parties in this and other countries.

I don't think that being thoroughly deluded and deceived makes one a moron. A passionate, devoted fan, yes.

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MAGAman

Dear MAGAman

So delighted to hear from you via this courteous, thought-provoking tweet:

"No one gives a fuck , you can’t vote here. No one insisting through your sanctimonious 7 min video. What do you want ?"

You watched all seven minutes? Who says that people today have a short attention span?

I am deeply honoured that, although you don't give an f, you took the time from your important MAGA activities to respond. I know that MAGA people are renowned for their old world courtesy and profundity of thought. Your second sentence did leave me confused, but that's probably because I don't have the fine grasp of language and concepts that you MAGA people do. 

I'm also puzzled that my praise of Mister Trump's many fine qualities should have you in a lather. I do try to give credit where credit is due.

Nothing sanctimonious about me, mate. I would also not have turned down the opportunity of an exciting dalliance with a beautiful actress. Particularly if her beauty was combined with the talent of a Meryl Streep or  a Dame Judy Dench. There is something irresistibly attractive about actresses who have played memorable roles. I haven't seen any of her movies but have no doubt that she must have given spellbinding performances to have caught the attention of the Great One. I can understand how he felt moved to reward her with the gift of a few benjamins. Of course, I would have some trouble claiming.to stand for family values and the other good, wholesome stuff while smiling inwardly at the memory of a torrid romp or two between silk sheets.

I think that it's terrific that Mr Trump did not allow scandals and legal troubles to stand in the way of his representing law and order and good solid,  family values. What a patriot! I am so glad that he is not like the Brits, who would resign over something as silly as having a Guinness or two during Covid. 

I feel a great affinity to you MAGA people and Mister Trump. Your thinking and behavior seem to me to be so African. We also love to appoint people with, er,  interesting pasts to high office. Our former president had scandals hanging over him like a flock of albatrosses. He has also been facing dozens of charges for several years. He too,  has made a remarkable comeback and that gives hope to us all. Hope that we can also keep the mills of justice at bay for a few years. Hope that we, too,  can assume  high office one day, despite our little mistakes. And who has not made the odd mistake of dallying with brilliant actresses, being convicted of various felonies? Why, some of my best friends are serving lengthy prison sentences.

Incidentally , the  South African politician I speak of has been nicknamed S'boshwa, which I think means 'He Who Fights For Justice And Freedom'. Sounds so like your man, doesn't it.

You often make the point that Mister Trump is a brilliant businessman. Of that I have no doubt. Of course it takes a very special combination of chutzpah and brilliance to have declared bankruptcy several times, owe millions, and still be seen as a highly successful businessman. That is some serious business acumen. The more I talk of Mister Trump's achievements, the clearer it becomes to me that's there could be no one better suited to the presidency in the great United States of America.

Although you don't give an f, we certainly do. Because every time the great USA  sneezes, we wind up with mucus on our faces. So, good friend and comrade in the struggle for peace and prosperity,our fates are intertwined. There is no easy way to break off this relationship, certainly not via an sms or tweet. 

By the way , if you know of any actresses who would like to start a dalliance on this side of the globe , please let me know via tweet. As you will have gathered, like the Great One, I find actresses quite fascinating. We should replace the 'as the archbishop said to the actress' jokes with 'as the president elect said to the actress' jokes. Just as a sort of tribute to the Great Man.

Oh, answering your question: "What do you want?" Is this a three wishes,  genii-in-the-bottle sort of question? Many things: world peace, a few thousand dollars (could you let Elon know of my support and contribution to the MAGA cause?). Also a bunch of things too numerous to mention here. But we can talk more. I look forward to your next tweet. Or you could email me at my address below.

Yours in the struggle to make wise, considered, thoughtful voting choices.

Richard

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Supertrump

Dear Mr Trump 

Congratulations.

"Any American child can become president of the US", goes the slogan. You prove it true once more. Even a petulant, spoilt brat who throws tantrums and heedlessly destroys things can rise to that lofty peak.

I believe that you have talents and qualities that your detractors don't see. Fortunately the wise, thoughtful patriots do. 

You deal with problems decisively. Here's a random example plucked from my imagination:  lets say an unwise, torrid affair with, for example, a famous actress, came back to haunt your career, I bet you would know exactly how to make the problem go away. Of course, you would never get yourself into that position, ethical man that you are.

You really are a friend to the friendless. The world sees Kim Jong-un as a rocket loving, cruel despot of the worst kind.  It sees Vladimir as a cold  ruthless, power hungry megalomaniac. You alone see the hidden sterling qualities that lie within like buried treasure. Vladimir invades countries like an overgrown bully, while also bullying his own people into scared submission. Kim starves his people, keeping them in fearful servitude, while he plays with rockets. But we all make mistakes. You are mature and perceptive enough to understand that. You are wise enough to see that within each of these  gentlemen resides a kind, caring person struggling to get out. All that they need is love. And who better to supply it?

Truly  a man of compassion. I am sure that you have already forgiven all your foes and tormentors at home. I know that you would never stoop so low as to use your position to get back at them. There was that thing with Zelensky and the quid pro quo suggestion. But that's the past. As I said, we all make mistakes. Some are just a bit bigger than others.  Clearly you are not a man who bears grudges. I am sure that you have moved on from the days when you gave some advice on a leadership telecast to the effect that leaders should go after those who have wronged them. You're a president now. All grown up. And not of some shithole country but leader of the free, enlightened, civilized, democratic world. I'm confident that you can be relied on to do the right thing. Your record speaks for itself.

I read of at least 24 top ('A team') allies who made startling, damning statements about your character, competence and behaviour.  What the heck do they know? They only worked closely with you for a couple of years. There is no way that they could know you better than the great American voting public. And that public knows you as Supertrump, whizzing in and out of phone booths to take on America's problems, and take down traitors, lefties, communists and woke whack jobs.

 

You said that you would return America to  former glory.  And the world, too.

I know that you will have your hands full next week, deporting truck and bus loads of immigrants, putting a stop to inflation, lowering grocery prices and taxes, stopping wars, dealing with traitors within, healing the sick...sorry, got a bit carried away. But who wouldn't be, after 30 minutes of brilliant rhetoric delivered in those dulcet tones?

Anyway, would you be able to fit our country in the week after that. We could do with some restoring to former glory. Or any glory at all. 

Not only have you made a remarkable comeback but you have also given new hope to a group of people long shunned and despised - convicted felons. Yes they can.

Yours in the struggle for former greatness and former glory.

Richard

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O Tichmann 

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