Tea And Sympathy

 Dear Mr Zuma

I'm so glad that you are open for tea again. We've passed through the phases of kill - for - Zuma, die - for - Zuma, (was there a kill - Zuma phase?), to the have - tea - with - Zuma phase. Isn't it time old penpals like you and I also had a natter over some Earl Grey?

I'm a little short on helicopters right now, so I'd appreciate your sending me one of those location things. May I bring Judge Zondo and a copy of the constitution? Now that we seem to be in a season of fence-mending and goodwill to all men of peace.

We have much to discuss: the myth of state capture, the theology of ANC membership, theology in general (your inspired take on the Second Coming), the political significance of tea in healing old enmities and so much more. Perhaps you could unravel the mystery of your slight distancing from the commission you yourself appointed. I am also curious about and inspired by your insistence that your friend not adjudicate in your matter. Such rectitude. Nemo judex in sua cosa, surely? I would have been delighted to have a buddy on the bench. You, Sir, are made of sterner moral stuff. A sort of ethical optic fibre.

Yes, Sir, of cabbages and kings we could chat all day. I have no objection to a platter of freshly boiled inKhaaandla ox tripe with tea.

Sir, I will certainly bring a good supply of sympathy, if you will be kind enough to supply the brew.

Yours in the love of tea and sympathy.

Richard