Dear Mr Malema
Thanks for the grub and the entertainment.
I really don't want to sound ungrateful or ungracious but the beef was a little tough. I noticed that that happens when the animal has been stabbed several times by an unskilled person. Do you think......?
They should have let you have at it, sir. Can't go wrong with a 'walking, killing machine' revolutionary.
Then there was the music. That old song about hunting boars has really become quite boring (no pun intended). And those farting sounds that you make during the song they just don't make for good lyrics (Brr, brr, pap, pap...).
Of course, that elevation trick was quite neat. You reminded me of some little Austrian bloke. Can't remember the name. Had a similar style of rant...., pardon, oratory to yours. Then he had this trick of jerking his right arm up as if he had Tourette's syndrome. That might be a nice little touch for you too. Just ignore the fact that he might have had white tendencies. Good shtick is good shtick.
Other performers around the world are working on new stuff - economy, upliftment, peace - that sort of thing. Maybe it's time to move on from old boar hunting songs. A bit medieval, don't you think? You don't want to wind up like one of those fallen stars, plucking strings outside the railway station for a few coins in the hat. The world's moved on.
Some people are quite excited that you filled the stadium. When I was a kid, living in a rural community, a circus came to the nearest village. You should have seen how packed the place was. People came from miles around, from farms, from villages, from towns. But that was because we didn't know any better. It was a really crappy circus. They conned us, having the same guy performing various acts, disguised each time as someone else. He was supposed to have been from Brazil, Russia, Egypt and other exotic places. We were thoroughly conned until someone dropped a hammer on his toe and he swore in fluent isiZulu. With a local accent as well. There's a teeny similarity to your own show. From 'kill for Zuma' to 'die for Zuma' then 'kill Zuma' then sip tea with Zuma. Thuli is good, then Thuli is bad. This one is a good guy one day then he's a rotter the next. So many wardrobe changes, sir. I hope someone doesn't drop a hammer on your toe one day. The we might then find out who you really are.
Your chops and changes always remind me of 'four legs good, two legs better' from Animal Farm. I really think you should work on your act.
Oh, just to finish the circus story: when people realised that they were being conned, the whole show actually perked up. The ringmaster and the multitasking performer were sent off into the night with a few klaps and kicks. The whole big top came down. Quite a satisfying end for us kids at the time. Goes to show, I suppose, that even the naive and the gullible you can con for only so long.
I know that you EFF chaps are tolerant, broadminded and democratic in outlook. You can take a little constructive crit..., I mean, comment (as long it's not from the DA or other 1652 settler types). Apart from those few flies in the otherwise fine ointment, it was a stirring show.
Yours in the scuffle.
Richard
Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted
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