Can't Trump This

 Dear Mr Trump 

It's utterly ridiculous that some people, (probably sick, radical, left lunatics), compare you to Hitler. You are taller, shave regularly and, as far as I know,  don't speak German. You have also never expressed a desire for a road trip to Poland in a tank - or even a garbage truck.

You would be my automatic choice for president if I were an American voter or an illegal immigrant who'd managed to circumvent whatever safeguards are in place.

I know that sounds unlikely, but you've pointed out that the Democratic party machinery is a nest of treacherous, treasonous vipers. Anything can happen. There could even be, heaven forbid, a storming of the Capitol. But I'm sure that, with you on the presidential podium, that sort of attack on democracy would not be tolerated. A thought: now that the treacherous Democrats have soiled and sullied the very name of democracy, should we not call it something ele? 'Trumpocracy' has quite a nice ring to it.

This is not merely an emotional response to your oratory, mesmerizing though it is. I have, like so many of your thoughtful, analytical supporters, carefully considered your utterances and your impeccable track record. I set my reasoning forth for the discerning reader to dissect and come to a reasoned conclusion.

1. Your unequalled skills in international  diplomacy. 

That you would stop the Ukraine war in a day has never been in doubt for me. With a little help from your friends, Vladimir and Kim Jong, both of whom are surely unfairly overlooked candidates for the Nobel Peace prize,  It would be a walk in the car park. It might take you two days, or at most a week, to stop the conflict in the Middle East but stop it you would.  Anyway, that's a much shorter time than our own ANC government would take to have a meeting to arrange further meetings. I see a grateful world acknowledging your leadership, as you extinguish similar fires in various parts of the globe. Sir,  Sudan needs you.

2. Your undisputed leadership skills. 

Who can forget how you despatched unworthy candidates on your 'The Apprentice' show with the immortal phrase 'you are fired'. The record breaking turnover of 'A team' staff during your tenure testifies that you fearlessly continued along that path. Who does not admire a decisive, butt-kicking leader? Apart, of course, from those whose butts are being kicked.

3. Your attention to detail. 

The world would never have known of the macabre dietary habits of Illegal immigrants, involving such ingredients as cat and dog, were it not for your eagle eye and ear to the ground. Is it true that there are many ways to skin a cat? The slitting of the throats of innocent citizens at midnight by nocturnal, illegal immigrants would also have gone unnoticed, were it not for you. I am sure that there is great rejoicing in the land by cat and dog owners. 

4. Your muscular use of language. 

There is no beating around the bush with you. 

You call a whack job a whack job. So refreshing. One looks forward to more of the same as you excoriate the nutters, lefties, communists whack jobs and others who threaten the great American way of life and the right to life, liberty and the wholesome pursuit of happiness. Plus the right to bear automatic rifles.

5. Your common touch.

Who can forget your ride in the garbage truck, so pregnant with symbolism? A friend showed me pictures of you entering and leaving the truck. 'Garbage in, garbage out' was his cryptic comment. I was annoyed and, quoting some of your best work, called him a radical whack job. I look forward to your riding what we euphamistically call a honey sucker truck. This to underline your contempt for those pathetic states that you designated as shithole countries. 

6. Your coolness under fire.

When the assault on the Capitol took place, did you run around in a panic, as lesser leaders would? No, you calmly watched it on TV, according to various sources. After all, you had suggested a peaceful, patriotic march and these things do happen. No sense in going off half-cocked when you can watch it all on TV.  I trust that you had a Bud Light or two and a bowl of peanuts. There were malicious reports about the grabbing of a steering wheel and the destruction of crockery, but those probably came from loony lefties with nothing better to offer. Sir, which hand would we want on the trigger should nuclear war threaten other than your firm, steady, crockery-throwing hand?

Who would not welcome a leader with these qualities to spearhead the battle for democracy in a dangerous world?

Your top South African supporter (second only to Elon) in the struggle for wise, sane, cool-headed leadership.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Tymebank , South Africa  

51090259373

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723