Bad Dreams

 'Oh God, I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams.' Hamlet 

Dear Mr Malema 

Having just woken from a disturbing dream, I feel compelled to write to you.

I saw, in the dream, Floyd The Ferocious, confronting a group of thugs.., sorry, looting gentlemen (slip of political correctness there).  He told them to eff off, as this is not the path to economic freedom.

Sir, it got worse. I saw you on a raised platform, craggy features lit by the lights of a dozen raging infernos. You were calling for calm and commonsense to prevail. You called on the ground forces to help restore peace and order. Also your air force and navy. The nice thing about dreams is that resources are unlimited. 

Then you joined with politicians of all persuasions to discuss ways to end the madness. In the background, were various comrades, soundlessly yelling 'Nooo'. You know the slo-mo, distorted-sound thing in dreams. You turned your back on them and stalked off in true CIC style. It was one of those Stallone / Bruce Willis type scenes. Explosions popping of behind you as you stalked into the sunset.

My own yell was stifled as I sat bolt upright, dripping perspiration onto my newly-changed sheets.

Sir, it was just a dream. Still, as you are often on my mind, I thought it prudent to check. Are you still sound in body, mind and spirit? I trust you've been keeping up with your regular medicals. Please let me know.

Yours in the struggle for economic freedom, land, peace, a united Africa, dialectical materialism and people's banks.

Richard 

Sleep Well Politicians

 Dear Shoe - Fitting Politicians 

You've had a hard time of it lately. 

You have been accused of an entire alphabet of sins, from asininity, through buffoonery and corruption to the zumarisation of a once thriving country.

In Christian charity, I am going to be gentle with you. I am not going to accuse you of having handled our current disaster like keystone cops on nyaope. I will not point out that your intelligence was as useful as the Titanic's SOS message. Nor will I compare your troop deployment to locking the stable door after the entire herd has rampaged through the neighbourhood. If only you'd done that with the nimbleness with which large sums were redeployed on your watch. 

I will resist the temptation to comment on your supernatural powers of invisibility in the heat of crisis. Followed, of course, by your mystical ability to materialize at the opportune time.

I vow that I will not snigger at the story of the diligent people's representative. It goes thus. He tells the only people who have stood between their communities and destruction - get this - he tells them to stand down. His version of John vuli gate? (Oh, get behind me satan!). I am sure he will be remembered for this his finest hour, when the sacrifice and the grit of the people of South Africa is spoken of.

May you sleep well.

Richard

J' Accuse

Dear Fellow South Africans 

"And what dictators do

The elderly rubbish they talk" Auden

Mr Zuma is as pure as the driven snow. Dr Ace Magashule is Mr Clean on steroids. Julius Malema and friends are politicians of substance. The ANC is a movement worthy of respect. Carl Niehaus is a knight in shining armour, defending virtue and, especially, truth.

So much for the commercials. Now to some simple truths.

Mr Zuma and cronies could have prevented this disaster. But that would have taken real leadership. And that's rare in South Africa. Real leadership is selfless. It's for big people.

I cannot say whether Mr Zuma is innocent or guilty of the many charges hanging over his head. This I can say: for a man who protests his innocence, the kindest description of his behaviour is that it's been extraordinary, bizarre. For one so keen to face his accusers in a court of law. And the beans he has threatened to spill? Still on the trellis?

But the ANC is a collective. Let's share blame. Remember the  'pastor' who farts on his congregation. Dear fellow South Africans, if you cannot see how The Party has been doing the same in word and deed for years, stop reading here. Perhaps that's why the poet, e.e cummings wrote that:

 'a politician is an arse..'

In our context, that was kind. Even a..ses don't let their houses go up in flames around them. Oh, and it's not on the heads of the ANC only. 

 .

If a politician is an a..e, what does that make the placard waving, slogan chanting supporters? There is a simple test for whether a public representative is worthy of your vote. Has he / she built anything of value? Anything lasting. Whether it be tangible or in the hearts and minds of people. 

A humble schoolgirl without wealth or authority starts a feeding scheme that feeds over a hundred needy schoolchildren. You follow sleek, well-fed revolutionaries who have never had an original idea. Except to blame, burn and howl curses at the moon. Those who burn seldom build. 

Herein lies another simple truth. When the smoke of their abominable sacrifices to the gods of power, greed and hatred dissipates, who will be next? Such gods are insatiable. They devour their children.

To all you passionate supporters of dubious causes and even more dubious politicians, save that energy. Go build something. Like that schoolgirl. 

Yours in the struggle to distinguish between rational thought and brain farts.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723

Bravo Mr Cele

 Dear Mr Cele

I must congratulate you on your reassuring appearances on TV and elsewhere during this difficult time.

I apologize for not having actually caught any of them. Been too busy, dodging thugs and looters. I do know, though, that you will have been on top of all this. Just as you were when we were in grave danger from surfers, smokers, boozers and other desperadoes. You handled those in fine style, enabling us to sleep secure in the knowledge that we are protected.

I imagine that you out - sellecked Tom Selleck in Blue Bloods. The calm but steely demeanour. The gravitas. The iconic good guy's black hat. He was only a commissioner and as minister, you have him licked. Besides, he's a Yank and what do they know about real, professional policing. They've never had to hold a desperate, crazed surfer at bay. Or deal with a cunning, law-breaking hawker. Or a dangerous curfew-breaker. All of which you've done with distinction.

Sir, please let us know when next you will be giving the nation words of comfort and reassurance.

Wouldn't miss it for the world - or what's left of KZN.

Yours in the struggle for law and order.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723

Legacy

 "Tell us again about the struggle days, Grandpa."

"Well, I'll never forget my first battle. Fists, feet and weapons flying. I fought like a tiger."

"Did you win, Grandpa?"

"I got a TV set and a computer before the police arrived."

"Wow!" The grandchildren look reverently at the large flat screen TV dominating the lounge space.

"After that, you could say I was a veteran. Beer and grocery trucks, factories, schools, you name it. We fought the good fight up and down the province."

"Why did you call it RET?"

"Because we returned the economy to its rightful owners. The people."

"So you took it all back from the oppressors?"

"Yes, we burnt the lot to ashes. Taught them a lesson they'll never forget."

"Gosh, Grandpa, you had an exciting life."

"Yes, my children." With a grand sweep of his arm, Grandpa takes in the scenery outside. Burnt trucks litter the verges of the roads, blackened skeletons of buildings dot the green countryside.

"And one day, all this will be yours."

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723

Doctors, Engineers And Teachers Without Borders

 Dear South African Recruiters

I am a great fan of South Africa. 

I notice that your country has been doing a great job in tackling the unemployment problem. In Cuba and on the African continent. I plan to come over soon. I understand that there's a good flow of traffic at the Limpopo crossing. 

I am available for any jobs in healthcare, engineering, math tuition or all of the above. My CV and certified copies of certificates are attached. I did have some misunderstandings with the authorities but have never been cau.., I mean, convicted of a crime.  I see that your prominent politicians are strong on the 'innocent until proven guilty' principle. Clearly, the rule of law is paramount.

On that note, I'm very impressed at the leeway given to people to plead their cases. Your former president is my example. He seems a very nice chap. So many friends. I was a little puzzled when I saw only one chap of Caucasian persuasion (looking a little awkward with shield and spear, but still impressive). Given that you are the rainbow nation. I'm also impressed at how your law seems so open to interpretation and debate. For the people, I suppose. Also, having watched one of your legal people at work (TV news), I think I might even be able to do a bit of that. Weekends maybe.

By the way, it's comforting to know that should I ever be charged for a serious offence (e.g. going maskless or accidentally buying alcohol), I have several options.

I look forward to contributing to the great South African melting pot.

Yours in the struggle for a borderless Sou.., sorry, Africa.

Richard 

Relentless

 Dear Media People

Dr Ace Magashule was interviewed at inKhaaandla. For some ten minutes he used a lot of words to say absolutely nothing of consequence. It was worse than his famous 'I had a meeting with Zuma but it was not a meeting.....' ramble. 

This is clearly a man that has nothing useful or intelligible to say. Why do you foist this nonsense on us? It's not news. 'What we have here is a (massive) failure to communicate' (Cool Hand Luke).

The news anchor congratulated the reporter on his 'relentless' questioning. I missed the relentless part. Where were the questions on why someone who reminds us that he is a leader:

  Is not doing what leaders do: calming a potentially explosive situation,

  Calling for safe, sensible behaviour,

   Supporting the rule of law?

As relentless as 'being savaged by a dead sheep' (British politician).

As for Mr Zuma, Mr Niehaus and friends, isn't it time we gave them a minute each and moved on to really important things. Such as, what we are doing about the relentless disintegration of the foundations of our potentially great country.

After all, the circus one can visit anytime.

Yours in the struggle for real news.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723