Glorious, Glorious MK

 This from one of our MK intellectuals:

'Breaking: The highly ethical and fastest-growing political Party in Africa, uMkhonto WeSizwe, under the magnificent leadership of His Excellency President Jacob Zuma, will not be attending parliament tomorrow to legitimize the unholy marriage between Ramaphosa's ANC and the Racist DA.

Rooted in a deep respect for the constitution and its citizens, the ethical MK party has firmly rejected the biased dismissal of the rigged elections by the IEC and Zondo. 

The glorious MK party hold 58 seats in parliament based on the rigged results, effectively without MK party's presence in parliament, the constitutional requirement of a minimum of 350 members is not met, rendering any parliamentary proceedings illegal under section 46 of the constitution. 

His Excellency President Zuma will soon address the nation to chart a path forward. The sole mission of the MK party is to rescue South Africa from the impending disaster of the ANC and DA's marriage from hell.

The exceptional tactician of our time, Dr Jacob Zuma, continues to lead from front. The Mk Party is not in this for self interest, parliament salary and so on, it is about rescuing our land and the dignity of all South Africans.'

And:

'You’d think you are having a nightmare when reading some of the rubbish from Thumaminamedia journalist. 

The propaganda machine is on full speed. 😅🚮🚮🚮

The Moses of today, His Excellency President Jacob Zuma. Under divine leadership,  President Zuma continues to fight enemies here and abroad for the economic freedom of ordinary South Africans. We know the West want SA out of BRICS, God and our ancestors have summoned Dr Zuma back from retirement to rescue SA. More strength to the founder of African BRICS, as we “Watch and Pray”; we continue to curse the rigged doomsday marriage of ANC and racist....'

Dear Prof Moya

Thank you for putting things into perspective.

Yes, I must say that whenever I need to look to examples of ethical and moral behaviour, there is but one direction in which to look, MK and its ethical leadership. John Maxwell once said that no organization can rise above its leader. If the leader is rated, say, five, the organization cannot be more than four. That must put MK up there in the firmament, among the stars.

I think with great gratitude of the many lessons in morality and ethics that I have learned from your great leader. The ones that mean the most to me are the following:

Never impregnate the daughter of a friend or a woman young enough to be your granddaughter.

When you are surrounded by more scandals than you've had breakfasts in your entire lifetime, it is time to step down quietly for the sake of the office and the country

When you are accused of unethical behaviour or transgression of the law, go to court soonest and face your accusers. Clear your great name. Do not drag out the case for years. That casts a shadow on your  reputation for integrity and morality. Of course,  that is barring continuous bouts of ill health and the presence of hostile malicious prosecutors. 

We all know of the great respect in which your leader holds the constitution and the judiciary. It's just Roman Dutch law that is a problem. I seem to recall that the constitutional court once ruled that the Great One had violated his oath of office, not upholding and defending the constitution. But let's not make much of little things, the way that the cunning WMC and Stratcom do.

I was on the point of voting for the DA. I read your beautifully constructed, objective, academically sound, adjective-rich argument above.  I then realized that the

 machiavellian DA have been pretending all along to provide good service and clean government, while harbouring in their serpent's bosoms, the deep and evil desire to bring back apartheid, colonialism and, for all we know, the feudal system. I promptly changed my vote to one for that ethical, glorious party, spearheaded by the ethical Chessmaster.  I had hope that we would sweep KZN and the country. Alas, by some trickery, witchcraft or all of the above, even the chess grandmaster was check mated by the forces of evil 

Nonetheless we shall fight on, with the great nine years as our inspiration. We shall trample down the repo rate and everything that stands in the way of the revolution

of ethical, moral government for the people, by the people.

Why should his Excellent Self legitimize that unholy marriage between the DA and the ANC?  It would be equivalent to encouraging sexual congress between older men (who should know better) and women of daughter  / granddaughter age.

Indeed, I fear that this new wildebeest government is but the first step in the thousand mile return journey to apartheid  and other abominable stuff.

I wait with bated breath for the Excellent One to address the nation on the way forward and the rescue plan to save us from the dark desires and intentions of the wildebeest conspirators. Our faith is in that excellent tactician and chess grandmaster. We have already seen the success of the parliamentary stay away gambit. And surely there is much more to come. After all, as you said, the higher powers would never have called a Great One out of retirement for nothing. Or just to sing the machine gun song, lovely and poignant though it is. I am sure that he has heard the voice from the burning bush, or burning factory or school. 

And he has responded as a Chosen One should. 

Yes, I too spit on that rigged doomsday marriage, as I would spit on sending rogues and buffoons to parliament, dodging the law, being willing to burn a country down for greed and ego, monstrous lies and self-delusion. I just mention those. In passing.

Thank goodness for the glorious, excellent, ethical, constitution-hugging, almost-sainted MK and its magnificent leader, in whom all these qualities are multiplied many times. 

Of course, I'm delighted to see that so many of your MPs are of unimpeachable character and reputation. Terrible if you had disgraced former judges and assorted dodgy characters in your ranks.

Yours in the struggle for excellent, ethical government and leadership.

Richard 

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Moonwalking Malema

Dear Mr Malema 

I've always maintained that you are a great, misunderstood entertainer. I'm so glad that you have cleared that up. Too many people take you for a serious politician and some misguided souls even think that you are a statesman.

Your Michael Jackson allusion is remarkably on song.

Your have entertained us royally with your moonwalking, flip-flopping and shuffling.

Like Michael, your crotch grabbing (you told parliamentarians that you have them by the scrotum), shrieks and yelps, have kept us entranced.

“I'm not a regional leader. I'm international. I can walk into any country, you'll think Michael Jackson, the showstopper has arrived in the whole continent. So, you're telling me about Limpopo, what, what. What's that you want to reduce me to (Mogoboya Nelson) Ramodike and (King Patrick Ramaano) Mphephu,” he said. (Daily Sun)

People of Limpopo and Gauteng will be pleased to know that you don't care about them.   Of course, you meant that you care about South Africa as a whole, but those with white tendencies  and with nonsense in their pants (to quote one of your more profound utterances), will seize on that and blow it right out of context. Just as they did when you reportedly said that you would kill for Zuma. Meaning, of course, that you would die for him. Any sensible person would have made that deduction. I often use those words interchangeably myself. So do many other people. They are, after all, so similar in pronunciation and meaning.

As a matter of interest, would you still, in the words of the love song, catch a grenade for him? Or just stick to having Earl Grey and Romany Creams with him?

I read about these continent-shaking revelations in the Daily Sun. As they have been hunting zombies and tokoloshes with untiring zeal for many years, I find their reporting very credible. I am satisfied that there could be no bloody agent influences here.

With voting done and you perhaps left with not too much to do, it could well be the time to kick off that African dance tour. Followed, naturally, by a world tour. Your adoring fans must be in a fever of impatience and expectation. 

I am ready to assist (at discounted tender rates) and will be delighted to see the back of you. I mean, of course, as you moonwalk off into the African dusk. That's all I mean.

I suggest that you kick off with 'Black or White'.

Yours in the struggle for quality entertainment.

Richard 

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Whereto, Commonsense?

Have we South Africans totally lost our grip on reality?

A fellow who styles himself 'engineer' had this to say, following halfway-mark vote counting:

"The first order of business should be to change the National Anthem. Take out Die Stem and leave the original version. If you can't change the National Anthem, then forget about the land and NHI."

As an engineer, you would know that this critical initiative will have water and electricity flowing again to households, crime levels falling dramatically, the economy reviving, corruption smashed. 

One of my very rude friends responded as follows:

"Kak, man, if you are an adult with at least one brain cell working, you will know that the first order of business is to restore order and commonsense and get things working again in this country. Have you been drinking? Smoking ganja? Or are you always like this? Thank heavens you're not responsible for energy supply, or anything that requires the use of logic. I'm not talking about EFF-style superior logic. Just the sort of stuff my four year old grandson applies to daily life."

I, of course, rebuked him, pointing out that he ought to show some respect for our intellectuals. Where would we be without them?

An ANC worthy commented:

"We are quite confident of the work we've done over 30 years...."

"Yes",  chimed in the rude one. "Few can boast of your diligence and dedication in the fields of corruption, incompetence and buffoonery.  And, of course, your ingenious explanations, excuses and rationalizations of your dismal failures and betrayals would have George Orwell licking his lips".

Can't take this bugger anywhere.

Dear politicians, we know that this is a stressful time. You may be watching your six figure incomes, free cars, free houses and other goodies slipping away. but please keep off the grass, stay off the jungle juice, before making comments that would embarrass the class dunce. Or at least until you have something sensible to say.

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Also Sprach Ramaphosa

"Opposition parties have"never given you R350", the DA are"the biggest liars", and former president Jacob Zuma's uMkhonto weSizwe Party is the fake MK....."

Thus, it is reported, spake Mr Ramaphosa, at an election campaign meeting (Also Sprach Ramaphosa).

Rewind to several centuries ago:

"We bring you gifts from the great father across the sea", said the leader of the expedition. A flourish of the hand and his companions opened chests full of glittering beads and mirrors, alluring but, all in all, of little value.

Fast forward to 2024.

"We, the great fathers, bring you these gifts", said the leader of the 2024 expedition.

The trunks were flung open and out spilled intermittent electricity, taps without water and the dazzling ThreeFifty. 

"The ThreeFifty is the gift to you from the great fathers across the river",  continued the expedition leader. 

"For this ThreeFifty we fought and planned for many years. This great gift will take you into the bright future we have planned for you."

He paused.

"But beware of others who would rob you of the ThreeFifty that is rightfully yours. They will speak honeyed words, promise strange things, but ask them: 'where is the ThreeFifty?' In particular, beware of those in blue and those with the shield and spear logo. They are cunning deceivers."

"We are going to erect statues and monuments to the ThreeFifty across the country, that you may always remember. And so, you will never be lured away by strange deities."

And a great cheer went up from the people assembled there.

The otherworldly, sweet singing of the  sirens was said, in times of myth and legend, to lure sailors onto the rocks.

With apologies to Simon and Garrfunkel:

In Eskom's waning light I saw

Ten million people, maybe more

People cheering without ceasing 

People hearing without listening 

People making sounds as if they ever cared

And no one dared

Disturb the sounds of sirens 

And the people bowed and prayed

To the ThreeFifty God they made

And the signs flashed out their warning

In the words that they were forming

Then the signs said: "The shape of the future is painted on crumbling walls

In rotting halls

And warbled in the sound of sirens

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Marching to Pretoria

Dear ANC Youth League 

So you marched against crime in South Africa.

I don't suppose that you have noticed that your party is actually responsible for law and order in the country.

So did the criminals quake in their boots as you marched down the street in your bright, canary yellow? Or did they quake with laughter?

One friend says that it's rather like Scotland Yard marching against crime. Another says that it's more like the mafia marching against crime. I, of course, thought that disrespectful and shushed them. When are you guys going to stop clowning, in the midst of a crisis that is devastating our people? Your antics are occasionally funny, but right now, they're just tiresome. With all due respect.

Let's talk frankly. Your minister of police is about as effective as a dead camel in the desert. Less. At least one could eat the camel, at a pinch. We have a minister who piles up those voyager miles Like Anthony Blinken on steroids, scattering the most bizarre utterances,as he flies from press conference to funeral to pointless gathering. Does he have a strategy?  Does he know what a strategy is?

Perhaps I have missed the occasions.

when he laid out crime-fighting plans, dazzling in their brilliance. I have heard him chatter of pretty girls and Zama Zamas, the tattoo peril, the challenges of population growth and other stuff, mystifying, coming from one of such lofty status. Or any adult.

The one sensible thing  that he did say was that the criminals should smell the police. Now that has to be a cutting edge approach to crime fighting. I am not sure what the criminals would smell but I imagine that your average inKabi or other villain would sink to the ground, overcome.

What puzzles me is that Mr Cele has not been promoted yet. Is it not your party's custom and practice to promote people for non-performance or for naughty deeds? Why not an ambassadorial post for Mr Cele? There must be an island somewhere, with a population of fifty that would thrill to his crime fighting philosophy and tales of 

derring do.

As for you, Youth League chaps, if the youth are the future and you are representative of the youth, then the future does look somewhat cloudy. I suggest that you get proper jobs. Do something a bit more useful than tramping up and down the streets. If you like marching so much, there's always the army. There you can march to your heart's content.

We are compassed about with problems and horrors. And your solution is to march aimlessly. I sincerely hope to see you march off into the sunset on the twenty-ninth of May.

Yours in the struggle for meaningful action.

Richard

Richard 

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Newshounds

Dear SABC TV News People

Time was when you broadcast long, lingering coverage of funerals and quite inconsequential ANC internal meetings. 

I noticed that, in a surge of innovation and creativity, you have moved on to long, lingering coverage of court cases. During one such broadcast, a legal expert was brought in to explain why the accused had not been granted bail. I thought that the judge had already explained that quite well.  But then again, he's just a judge. Perhaps,  like me, he does not understand how critical it is for South Africans to have the matter minutely dissected, like a frog in a school laboratory. Certainly far more important than examining what's going on with the global powers that are threatening to blow us all to smithereens. Or the cancerous politics gnawing at our national innards.

I think that it would be quite useful to bring all that attention and analysis to bear on.

the challenges of crime  and corruption run riot, incompetence  and buffoonery in government and politics, and all that makes our country stranger than fiction. I imagine that normal media companies would regard all of the above as God's gift to journalism. However, you do seem far more intent on reporting on mediocre soccer, mediocre politicians, mediocre politics and the like.

Perhaps I missed your reports but I did not see much about the solar storm

threatening Interruptions to.electricity output recently. Rightly so. We are way ahead of the global curve with our own scheduled interruptions. In fact, at times we cut to the chase and just simply do away with electricity altogether. We South Africans do not fear solar storms. We have politicians.

I see that, in typically fearless reporting style, you dropped the DA flag-burning advertisement. I am absolutely certain that this had nothing to do.with influences from above (I am not sure if that shouldn't be 'from below'). Your decision was surely based solely on patriotism and strong values alone. I am sure that your frequent, nay continuous, coverage of the most irrelevant and insignificant ANC gatherings stems from the same convictions. The unveiling of a solitary tap in a village is indeed of great consequence. After all, how many politicians worldwide can boast of having attended such significant,  ceremonial occasions. I am surprised that our government has never taken the opportunity to invite heads of state and royalty to such ceremonies. Just imagine what that would do for South Africa's image and status abroad. 

I do enjoy the relentless, ruthless way in which you destroy the lying, dodging and kakspeak of many politicians during interviews. Oops, sorry, that was the BBC and CNN. Got a little mixed up with all this news channel surfing. I realized my mistake when a journalist failed several times to point out the obvious during a newscast. Based on much watching of South African TV news, I understand that that's the job of a journalist or a political analyst: state the obvious with as much drama and conviction as you can muster.

I wish you well on your journey of 

fearless news and truth hunting. Should we have a change in government after 29 May,

I hope that that is not too disruptive for you. If you should be forced to do real journalism, that leaves us with only The Daily Sun for light entertainment.

Yours in the scuffle for real news.

 Richard

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Treason

There was nothing unusual about the news. Murders, theft, fraud, arson, bumbling, bungling, blustering politicians and all that makes South Africa a great country to live in.

Then, unspeakable horror, a political advertisement featuring a burning national flag. I fell into a dead faint and only the crashing of gunshots exchanged between local, rival drug gangs roused me. I stumbled to my feet, muttering dazedly: 'Treason'. Then for good measure, I quoted a dimly remembered verse from Hamlet:

"Treachery! Lock the doors! Seek it out!"

"How did that make you feel?" my psychiatrist asked, at our session the next day. 

I shuddered. 

"I've seen people burn the flag during a service delivery protest. I saw a tattered flag hanging from a government building. That was disquieting, but this...." 

I had to have a sip of bottled water, before I could continue. My psychiatrist noted it - for the bill.

"There was something so deeply disturbing about the whole thing. Almost satanic. I fully expected John Steenhuisen to break into eerie chanting, backed by a sinister choir of DA voices."

As I had already shuddered once, I sighed.

"Are you not overreacting just a little? After all, it was a digital image, not a real flag. And it was all a metaphor for renewal from ruin and decay."

"Metaphor, schmetaphor!" I yelled, pounding a cushion. "Did you not read what our president said?"

'The burning of the National Flag in a political advertisement is treasonous. The National Flag is a sacred symbol of our unity and existence as a nation and to burn it is despicable. 

Any organisation that commits such an act, especially in the name of political expediency, is an organisation that seeks to destroy our country, that seeks to destroy our country’s unity and collective identity. People died for the National Flag. South Africans rally everyday around the National Flag.'

"Even as we speak",  I told the good doctor.  "I feel our national unity unraveling. And it was so solid. No more holding hands around the campfire, singing Kumbaya. Now people will be calling one another names on social media "

I buried my head in my hands, stifling a sob.

"I can see it already. People will come up with vile slogans like 'Kill the Boer' and 'One Settler, One Bullet'. Our collective identity is in its moer."

The tweet below, by a PhD titled person, merely deepened my depression.

'The @Our_DA is now showing & celebrating the burning of the South African Flag as part of their election campaign because they yearn for the old apartheid flag that symbolises apartheid.

They are suffering from the Swart Gevaar syndrome.
#VoetsekDA'

That's not quite what happened in the advertisement that I watched. There must be another that this good doctor viewed.

Very perceptive to have detected that subtly hidden yearning for the old apartheid flag. I would have missed that. Ah, the advantages of a good, solid, lengthy education.

I looked up the meaning of treason in law.

'Treason is the act of attempting to overthrow a government or harm a sovereign, usually by a citizen of the country whose government they are trying to compromise. This can be done by waging war against the state or by materially aiding its enemies'.

Yes, I have to say that using a burning flag, (which is later renewed), as a metaphor for the burning need for rescue and renewal of the country does fit that definition perfectly. 

In truth, one could even replace that definition with the description of that dark, dastardly deed by the DA.

 A pity that the death penalty is most unlikely to be reinstated. On the brighter side, corporal punishment will be reintroduced once Mr Zuma again grasps the sceptre of power. (And who doubts that he will indeed do so?).

A bit of public whipping under the flag will surely discourage digital flag burning and similar outrages. It would also restore our unity and collective identity.

I feel better already.

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