Politically Incorrect

 Dear Fellow South Africans 

I have a cynical friend. He said recently that our election results were the equivalent of the Romans voting the barbarians in - time and again.

Ridiculous, right? I mean, barbarians loot, pillage, rape and murder, among other time-honoured pastimes. You don't see any of that, do you? I'm considering cutting ties with him. He's so politically incorrect. Just as I've cut ties with Rupertists, Gordhanists, Stratcommies, WMC puppets (indeed, all puppets, including Chester Missing), counter-revolutionaries and 1652 settlers.

He said that many South Africans are like groupies for Darth Vader, the Joker and Leatherface (something to do with chainsaws and forestry in Texas). As I don't watch soapies, I had no idea what he was talking about. It was like being at a political rally. Far removed from reality.

He went on to say (between my stifled yawns), that we have a trash wish. We will not be content until we hit the slimy bottom of the trash heap (probably just below Zimbabwe). I was rather hurt, as I have good friends in Zanu PF. We are, said he, like a poorer version of Bafana Bafana: comfortable with losing, refusing to learn, passionate about mediocrity.

Being of a cheery, optimistic disposition, I could listen no more. I tuned in to Uyajola for some uplifting content. Some people are unbelievably pessimistic. We have Msholozi, Carl, Dr Ace, Julius, Hlaudi, Mr Manyi, the two Andiles and many other heroes. What could possibly go wrong?

Yours in the struggle for...something.

Richard 

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Capitec Bank, South Africa  

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O Tichmann 

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This Present Darkness

 Dear Fellow South Africans 

How's that for a perfect metaphor?  We vote. The lights go out.

On the subject of darkness, we really ought to have cleared up some superstitions long ago. 

1. There is no better devil, no matter how well you think you know him. Devils do what devils do. Your butt is not exempt from roasting because you feel some kinship. 

2. Wolves do not lose their taste for mutton. Their howls of remorse only drown the noise of the rumbling of their cavernous bellies.

3. What politicians say means less than a 'whisper from the buttocks' (French journalist). Deeds, not words  / Ditiro eseng mafoko (school motto).

4. Even great captains suffer catastrophic shipwreck when the crews are woefully inept.

5. The contracts that you sign with the devil are worth less than the used scraps you sign them on. That's a pathetic way to sell your soul.

6. No matter how inflated with wind the clichès, platitudes and slogans are, they have never filled a belly.

7. X does mark the spot. It may well mark the spot where we buried South Africa.

8. And as we shuffle on post-elections, for bullies in politics and government, as elsewhere, silence means hearty consent.

Yours in both hope and the weariness that comes with dreary inevitability.

Richard

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O Tichmann 

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Heroic Vote Count

 Apologies to Sir Henry Newbolt

There's a breathless hush in the hall to-night

Ten to make and the wards to win

A rock-hard chair and a blinding  screen,

An hour to wait, and the last votes in.

And it's all for the sake of a mayoral chain.

And the desperate hope of a season's seat,

But his comrade's hand on his shoulder smote

"Stay up! Stay up! And watch the count!"

The face of the map is sodden red

 Red  with the wreck of 

campaigns that broke 

The voting's done and the wards are gone,

And the comrades blind with dust and smoke.

The river of gatvol has brimmed its banks,

Uhuru's far and Long Live a name,

But the voice of a comrade rallies the ranks-

"Stay up! Stay up! And watch the count!"

This is the word that each five years,

While in her mould the party's  set,

Every one of her sons must hear,

And none that hears it dare have doubt.

This they all with focused mind

Must bear through life like a plaque in flame,

failing fling to the cadre behind-

"Stay up! Stay up! And watch the count!"

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Pearls And Swine

Dear Fellow South Africans 

I was paging through the Good Book  today (being Sunday). I came across advice about not casting pearls before swine. Wondered if it had some relevance, as I'll be casting my vote tomorrow. There was also a caution about being trampled by said swine should one be foolish enough to do it anyway. My spider senses did tingle a little.

I found the story of the son who returned from the hog trough most intriguing. He'd blown his entire inheritance and now sought forgiveness. I couldn't really make a link to anything happening here. I filed it away for further rumination. Of course, I'd value input from any theologians who may read this.

Then there was the exodus from Egypt, which one of our politicians referenced recently. He neglected to mention the forty year wandering, which came as a result of worshipping a golden calf, among other things (as far as I could make out). Our record of golden calf worship doesn't fill one with optimism. I don't know whether the past twenty-seven years would be taken into account as time served. I am partial to both milk and honey. I fear that both will be above our pay grade at this rate. Unless Mr Malema triumphs. 

I suspect that fatted calves will also be in short supply. 

There was advice about being wise as serpents and harmless as doves, which I think we've rather got back-to-front over the years. Also about it profiting nothing to gain stuff (I thought t-shirt or tender - don't know why) but suffer the loss of one's soul. I might have got that one just slightly mixed up but that's the general drift.

Now, of this one I'm certain: as we sow, so shall we reap.

Yours in the struggle for clear sight and wisdom.

Richard 

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Mistakes

 Dear Mr Mabuza

I agree with you. Things are not functioning. 

Your tweet:

"We recognise that we have made mistakes and things are not functioning as 

they should. We are a strong nation, committed to dealing decisively with 

our issues and improve matters in our beloved country. #VoteANC We can deliver!"

The mistakes now. Was money looted by mistake, as in: "There I was, just a-walking down the street, singing doowa-diddy-diddy-down-diddy-do, when this enormous bag of money fell into my outstretched hands"? Or were the mistakes to do with quantity and timing? Too little, too much, too soon, too late?

Of course there's no denying that voters made mistakes and will continue to do so come 1 November. 

There's also no denying that we are a strong nation. How else could we have survived the last 27 years of dealing decisively with issues?

And, oh yes, your decisiveness shines through in the way that you have dealt with corruption. It's been stamped out, hasn't it? We can sleep now?

The shuffling within the Party has been decisive, too, by shuffle definition: 'walk by dragging one's feet along or without lifting them fully from the ground'. Perhaps that's why it's been so difficult to step aside.

We are filled with confidence.

Yes, of course you can deliver. So can Mr Delivery. It's just a question of what exactly. I, for one, have enough lawn manure already.

Yours in the struggle against mistakes.

Richard

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Capitec Bank, South Africa  

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O Tichmann 

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Wisdom And Truth

Dear Mr Mantashe 

Ever since you uttered the words below, I have hung onto your every word with the hunger of one who yearns for wisdom, knowledge and understanding:

Ndimi inyani [I am the truth], ndimi indlela [I am the way]

Gwede Mantashe to Necas board members - reported by City Press.
City Press called it a rant. I call it poetry on a level of the work of Khalil Gibran. It is original, isn't it?
I think that your most recent gem was about not criticizing the ANC if you didn't vote for the Party. It may be a little out of alignment with democratic principle and the free speech ideal. What the heck! Still brilliant. I grow every time you open your mouth. That other stuff is colonial pop philosophy and this is post-colonial South Africa. Where the lion sleeps tonight - on a full belly - while the other animals...

The other teeny problem with this is that you and the comrades are at the helm of Ship SA. Regardless of who voted for whom, no-one aboard is spared the shocks and aftershocks every time you scrape the keel. Or encounter rocks. Some say that we are on course, like that other great vessel, for our own personal iceberg. No doubt the band will still play Jerusalema and other classics, as we gently slip beneath the waves. Comforting.
This reminded me of a previous ray of molten wisdom that you once shone on us, back in 2017. It had to do with a vote of no-confidence. There is no notion of voting with conscience in the ANC, you were reported to have said.

"What do you think the ANC is, Father Christmas? I don't know where this notion comes from that we are a collection of individuals who have conscience. We are members of ANC in a party political system."

Wise words, sir. Proven true. The absence of conscience, collective or otherwise, has been amply demonstrated through the years.

Yours in the strenuous struggle for wisdom.

Richard

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Race You To The Bottom

Dear Mr Lesufi

I, too, will never apologize to racists. 

In fact, I spent this very morning looking for racists not to apologize to. A fruitless search, but judging from what I see on social media, they are, like the aliens, among us. I will also not bow to right wingers. Which is why I insist that my Spur spicy wings be taken only from the left side of the free-range chicken.

I am sure, sir, that what is spoken in Eskom's darkness, will be revealed in the light of the karpowerships or whatever comes next. 

I am in total, harmonious agreement with you. Bugger the racists. Apologize to Afriforum instead. I will accept your apology, as I am almost a member of Afriforum, just as I am almost a member of the EFF, DA, ANC and about two dozen other interesting organisations. I try to keep an open mind. Almost? I was on the point of posting my application form when I heard alarming rumours of assassination threats. You may have heard something? A journalist friend at The Daily Sun is checking this for me. Also the two dozen plus organisations. 

I must mention that I admire the calm, restrained tenor of your communications. I am filled with serene confidence and hope for education in hands such as yours. Being of a similar calm, mild disposition and between jobs, I am available to assist you in your dealings with racists and non-racists. My salary expectations are modest by New Dusk standards. As you can see, I like to keep an open hand to complement my open mind.

I can relate to the excerpt below, from a news report:

"The MEC states that he is under regular attack from various sources and that his utterances should be viewed against such background," 

 I too, am under attack from various sources;  mashonisas, bank managers, insurance salespersons and other sinister types among them.  We have much in common. 

Yours in the struggle against racism and intemperance. 

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723