Things You Didn't Know About South Africa

 Did you know that a South African expedition has achieved the near- impossible?

Just yesterday, I attended an exclusive meeting of the South African Explorers and Adventurers' Society (SAEAS).

Dr Beavis Blatjang and Professor Moses Mafikizolo, expedition leaders, had us on the edge of our seats (they were small seats), as they recounted their enthralling adventures.

Going where none have dared venture before, the expedition set out two years ago to find an honest policeman in South Africa. The lean, almost wasted physiques and weather beaten faces of the explorers told a tale of physical and emotional hardship. Their chapped lips told the rest.

I shall spare you, dear Reader, the harrowing details, which had me reaching for my flask of medicinal brandy, during the telling. Suffice it to say that, obstacles and dangers notwithstanding, the expedition was, if not a resounding, then at least a faintly echoing success.

"Our first setback", Dr Blatjang explained, "was that a very large number of those we sought to engage with were at the Madlanga Commission, in hospitals or away consulting with their sangomas".

"We also had to contend with hostility, sarcasm, evasiveness and other negative b

ehaviours, quite unexpected from guardians of law and order", continued Professor Mafikizolo. 

Professor Mafikizolo then quoted some interesting responses from discussions held:

"I didn't struggle to be skint."

"Despite lifelong service to the community, I barely get by on my salary. The mansion, Maserati and Porsche are little tokens of gratitude from various people and gifts from family abroad."

"My lawyers have advised me not to comment."

"Is this a paid interview?"

There was much more, but to cut to the chase, the expedition tracked down some honest officers in various parts of the country.

"It was rather like trying to track down Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster", Dr Blatjang commented. "But after hacking our way through a jungle of lies, fantasies and even subtle threats, we found some officers who have kept the faith. Most were in the lower ranks, but there were some high ranking officers who remembered what 'serve and protect' meant."

"We lost people along the way", added Professor Mafikizolo. He shook his head sadly. 

"Some are even now undergoing therapy, their faith in just about everything shaken to its foundations. But we soldiered on."

That led to the inevitable question: what comes next?

The answer had all present gasping in shock. A journalist fainted.

"We intend", the professor replied, "to mount an expedition to find at least a dozen honest, competent politicians in South Africa."

There was a stunned silence.