The Land That Commonsense Forgot

 Dear Jeff

I read the draft of your book, as promised. Interesting title: The Land That Commonsense Forgot'.

You asked me to be brutally honest with you. 

The part about the liberation struggle and the triumph over oppression made good, inspirational reading. 

I also enjoyed your satirical treatment of the descent into chaotic corruption and decay. Echoes of Orwell's 'Nineteen-Eighty-Four', complete with the tortured reasoning and language of the Party. I think that your treatment of the liberation from commonsense of government, politicians and people was nothing short of brilliant. Corrupt politicians treated as heroes, buffoons feted like pop stars, incompetents promoted to the highest positions in the land - the humour is deliciously dark. It's also quite disturbing and I couldn't help wondering what benighted country you based this story on.

Here's the brutal part. Jeff, you can't expect readers to believe that a country was sold to a foreign family over a few curries. I know that there's suspension of disbelief, but that's asking too, too much. Then there are other really bizarre episodes that no publisher will let ride. Really - medicine carried by head, a trip to Geneva that somehow bypasses Switzerland, political parties that resemble rogues' galleries and circus troupes, the far-fetched slapstick around electricity and water supply! Above all, there are two aspects that I urge you to remove, if you don't want the book to sink without trace. Not even the worst buffoonocracy in the world would spend millions on a commission into treasonous corruption and racketeering and then allow the accused to frolic in high and low places. What on earth were you smoking when you cobbled that up? (I did warn you about Durban's finest). Then there's also the bit about the very senior parliamentarian swanning off on special leave in the midst of investigations into very serious allegations. That doesn't happen. People resign.

If you remove those bits, I believe that your book will do very well. It has to be believable. The odd stretching of the boundaries of credibility is to be expected in a fiction novel, but this.....

If you do not, your family may well buy your book and praise it to you. In all likelihood, they'll be saying privately: "What a load of unbelievable codswallop."

Harsh, I know, but that's the brutal truth.

Best of luck.

Yours in the struggle to publish.

Richard 

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Reddy - Willing and Able

Dear Mr Visvin Reddy

People are so wicked and irresponsible.

But then you know that already, don't you?Apparently, devious persons unknown tampered with your speech, somehow editing the video.

I believe you. I do not know you but you look the sort of mature, reasonable type who wouldn't spew out that sort of horse manure. I don't know much about the law but it all sounded rather threatening and bordering on, or crossing over into, incitement to violence. Talk of civil war and preventing South Africans from voting! You do know, of course, that that makes less sense than a bout of flatulence. No, I don't see any grown man embarrassing himself and his family with such mindless gibberish. So clearly, someone tampered with your video.

They made your speech sound like a very badly dubbed version of something Mussolini would have done on a bad, babelas day. With some malemarisms thrown in. Or something that a would-be school bully, cum clown, with a juvenile craving for attention, would do. I just don't see you spewing out that vile stuff on a public platform. Especially not in the name of umKhonto weSisu...., sorry Sizwe. (By the by, I have an Afrikaans speaking friend who insists on pronouncing umKhonto quite differently. I don't know if it's a real word that he uses, or what it means. It just sounds rather odd).

You have my empathy. I was once in the same leaky boat. A very irritating fellow was running down that fine crime fighter,  Mr Cele. I responded that I would fix it up. Do you know what they did? They edited my speech and substituted a different f verb.

 Fortunately during my court appearance, (for threatening violence, of all things!) I had several character witnesses who testified.

that I never swear. WTF,  I was properly brought up. I am sure that you could call up a host of witnesses of unimpeachable character and integrity. Mr. Zuma and Dr Ace are but two examples. Incidentally, I know that Mr Cele himself would have responded with dignity and restraint. You wouldn't get him yelling out stuff like 'Sharrap, Sharrap!' Good heavens, the man's a cabinet minister.

I do hope that the people who did this are arrested and get their just deserts. Sir, I think that, in the meantime, you should lie really low. Perhaps lower than a snake's belly. Sinister persons are probably following you around, just waiting for you to say something innocent like: 'Have a nice day'. Just so that they can record you and twist it into something ugly or as stupid as that edited speech. I think stick to sign language in public (just watch out for ambiguous gestures).

I don't know who 'they' are - yet.  I'm sure that they are the same lot who edited Mr. Malema's 'die forZuma'  into 'kill for Zuma'. And messed with Mr Mbalula's speeches to make him sound silly. Which, of course, he isn't. A trifle peculiar at times, yes, but not silly. Certainly not a clown.

It's a wicked world that we live in. People who have no business opening their mouths in public, polluting the atmosphere. People who should know better, breathing fire and slaughter, when we most need common sense and sensible solutions to our challenges. Then we have some, running around, editing fine, inspirational speeches.  Making them sound like the garbage  dumped on the streets of Durban recently.  I would sue them dry.  You might want to contact MERDE (Mann Enterprise for Resolution of Dire Emergencies) for assistance in this regard. We have a BBBEE rating (Bloody Bad, Bold, Enterprising Etters). My banking details are below and you can contact me via EFT.

You started your speech with 'Hear me carefully'. Nice touch. Reminiscent of your great leader's venture into creative numeracy ('Listen carefully: seven hundred million thousand and twenty hundred thousand...). A wise man emulates other wise men.

Yours in the struggle against shadowy manipulators of video material. Onward to the ballot box! 

Richard 

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The Law is 'a Ass'

Dear Mr Zuma 

I am so glad that your star is on the rise - for now.

I paid rapt attention to your recent speech, which made Churchill look like a fumbling, primary school debater.

You manfully tackled the use of Roman Dutch law in South Africa. Look at what the Romans and the Dutch did in times past. Not exactly exemplary behaviour, looting, raiding. None of that ever happens here.

I find all that stuff about 'audi alterem partem' most unnecessary and irritating. Take the 'Nemo Judex in causa sua' principle.  Really! Who better to judge your cases than you yourself? Who knows you better? The commission and all that unpleasantness could have been avoided, and we would have been dwelling at ease in Eskom's pleasant light, universities, bridges,  cities and green mealies rising out of the good South African soil. If only we had jettisoned those unafrican, so-called legal principles.

It's all very petty and irritating, focusing on fraud, theft, corruption etc. All the while, serious crimes, such as teenage pregnancy, go unpunished. If I read correctly, you would banish the miscreants to Robben Island. Keeping them safely separated, I assume, to forestall any further breaches of the law.

I am delighted that you are leading the charge against immorality,  particularly of a sexual nature. Who better?  Set a thief to catch a thief. No, I am not saying you are a thief  (just a Roman Dutch proverb).  Nor am I implying that you ever wallowed in the muddy ditches  of sexually immoral shenanigans. I simply think that, in your long adventurous life, you have witnessed much of the seamy stuff. It must have grieved you profoundly. 

I understand that you are for corporal punishment.  I trust that it will be public, as a grand spectac...., I mean example. This should deter those involved in racketeering, fraud, money laundering and other forms of corruption, which I know your soul detests. Sir, have you considered stoning and similar stuff. I found some interesting and promising methods of deterrence in books on our past history. And I refer specifically to KZN. I trust that you will look into those (the methods, not the books).

You pointed out that if we were truly free, thirty years on, people would not be arrested during democracy, as they were during apartheid. I could not agree more. A friend used that very argument after being arrested for redeploying several luxury German vehicles. Where is our democratic right to piss on the rights of others? I say this Roman Dutch law is a proverbial ass. Let's stop with the arrests and allow people their democratic right to loo...., sorry live large in the quest for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and free stuff. 

You mentioned that MK was  deliberately not given an English name like "democracy or something that we don't know".  A little confusing, as you headed a democratic government for several long years. Perhaps that explains your "I know nothing, nothing' nothing!" and "what have I done?". It might be a little bewildering to head up a democratic government while being somewhat unsure of what democracy is. You said that, in the past, the 'Spear of the Nation' was used to resolve matters. A good point. Very sharp. What was wrong with the old feudal system? People knew their place. There were no teenage pregnancies, as far as I can gather. No Hollywood style arrests

 (See The Scuffle Continues : Bollywood- Style Arrest: https://thescuffle.blogspot.com/2020/10/bollywood-style-arrest.html.)

 

Sure, there was a bit of corporal punishment  - the odd beheading. But I never ever heard of anyone protesting or carrying on.

So inspired was I by your eloquent speech, pregnant with the possibility of a return to moral rectitude and timeless values, that I sang out a few verses of "umShini Wami" (Bring me my machine gun). Okay, so there's only one verse - I sang it several times. Just by the by, if I can't make it to a golf course for some physiotherapy, I find that this song, with accompanying dance steps, does wonders for any ailments that I have (gastric, colds, chronic or terminal stuff etc.).

That speech convinced me that, in your mshini-cradling hands lie the answers to the corruption, inefficiency, incompetence, disunity and aimlessness that so bedevil our nation. And we know who the devils are. I could have sworn at one point in the speech that I heard the music of the spheres. But it might have been my neighbour playing some gqom. That and the sugar free coke that I had in the spirit of the moment.

Bring me my ballot box.

Yours in the struggle for justice and a great leap forward in this century.

Richard 

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As You Sow / Vote

We know that voting in South Africa has nothing to do with common sense, reason or even previous experience.

It has even less to do with the survival of our country. Buggerall to do with national security. 

There's no point in talking sense when it comes to elections and voting. 

So here's the bizarre Alice in Wonderland truth.

If you want a government that has proven skills in stealing, blundering, exquisite BS and the ability to destroy a country faster than our Zimbabwean friends, then your choice is easy and clear.  The comrades are ready, willing and able to deliver. But don't despair. you have five long years to protest. It's worked over the last 30 years, hasn't it? so don't fix what isn't broken.  But then again, what isn't broken in South Africa?

If you want a government that has little to offer,  apart from noise and violence, then go with the boyz in the hood.  That is, Red Rioting Hood and friends. Unfair,  you say?. Well, of all the achievements of this particular party what else stands out? 

You know that they are also alleged to have dipped into various cookie jars .  I cannot prove that but it's common cause that they certainly wasted huge amounts of taxpayer money in Ethekwini and elsewhere. With a little help from their coalition friends. I'm not going to bore you with the details, but it's all there to read, if you really want to. And many don't want to, so let's move on.

In a normal country, a party with that record not only would have zero votes but would not exist within a year.  But then we established at the outset that our normal is a little different.  A bit more like the normal of Alice in Wonderland, Nineteen Eighty-Four and Animal Farm.  

If you want a government already tainted by having a figurehead who has managed to dodge trial for years for a dozen or more  charges, look east, young man, look east. If that's not exciting enough for you, scandals hang like several albatrosses around his honourable neck. 

As far as I can gather the manifesto of the particular party is to be found in  a popular song about a firearm. 

If on the other hand, you long for the return of sanity, law and order and the hope of progress then..... 

Ah, but we're not talking about such foreign concepts are we? How could we hope to decolonize our country if we hang on to such colonial notions? Promises of free stuff, dialectical materialism, revolutionary slogans - now that's the stuff of Leadership.  A bit of land and some state ownership to top it off.

Never bow before colonialists when you can have your fill of corruption, buffoonery, incompetence, indifference and all the other things that have made our country great. 

So there is no point in saying vote wisely, vote rationally, vote for the future of our country. 

Nothing will change your minds, so vote as you please. As the song says: 'there'll be time enough for counting, when the dealing's done'.

In other words, vote in haste, repent at leisure. In still other words, you will probably get the thoroughly shithole country that you deserve.

It is a great pity that your children deserve better, and so do their children. But what the heck. Nothing like clichés, slogans, song, dance and T-shirts to fill the empty belly and soothe the soul. 

Dear fellow South Africans, don't say we didn't tell you so.  

As you vote, so shall you reap. And, tragically, so shall we all.

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Best of the Best

Dear Fellow South Africans 

Did you know that Bafana Bafana is the best football team in the world?

Well, apparently Mr. Cele told officers at a national police day that the South African police service is among the best police services in the world.  So what the heck -  Bafana is best. Local is lekker.

In my eagerness, to assist Mr. Cele - and Lord knows he needs all the assistance he can get - I did some research. 

According to one source, 85.5 percent of murders go unsolved in South Africa. An Independent Police Investigative Directorate (IPID)annual report stated that more than 5 500 cases of police criminal offences are reported every year. I seem to recall Mr Cele saying once that there is no police brutality in South Africa. The report speaks of more than 3500 cases of torture and assault. Perhaps that was not brutal enough for Mr Cele.

Yes, I think we have enough evidence to support Mr Cele's assertion that we sit up there at the summit with the best. Probably just below Scotland Yard and the FBI.

There was a report in 2019 about the much- maligned,  best president of all time , who built roads , bridges and universities and never looked sideways at a ten rand note. That's Mr Zuma. The great man was alleged to have had sleeper agents in the police.

• "Unknown sleeper agents were deployed to and are still integrated into structures in the police and state-owned companies, such as the Passenger Rail Agency of SA (Prasa)". News 24

"The High-Level Panel Review Panel on State Security earlier found that Zuma had abused the SSA for personal gain."

Now, judging from the very large number of photos and videos of police officers sleeping.

at desks,  in cars and in other places where sleep may be found, there could well be some substance to the sleeper allegations.  They certainly know how to sleep in this top police service.

Incidentally, the report also dwelt  on  how former public protector, Ms Mkhwebane seemed to ignore the 'sleeper agents' information, in favor of 'pressing' investigators on the SARS rogue unit. A phantom of someone's fertile brain, if I read that right.

Just thought I'd mention this to join my voice to the many voices of support for the two much-maligned individuals - Mr Zuma and Ms Mkhwebane.

What have we here, Mr Cele. Delusions, lies, a passion for mediocrity - all of these? We've had Tintswaloworld, 'loadshedding- is -not-the-end-of-the-world', now this

I can only again quote an earlier post, 2020:

'If George Orwell had written 2020 in South Africa:

The party's ever-present slogans fluttered proudly from deserted dairy farms, vandalized railway stations and scorched public buildings:

INCOMPETENCE IS HEROISM

DECAY IS PROGRESS

BULLSHIT IS TRUTH'

(The Scuffle Continues : 2020: https://thescuffle.blogspot.com/2020/12/2020_21.html)

The alarming thing is that, in South Africa, this is not satire, but truth. 

The frightening thing is that, in South Africa, we have become so accustomed to delusion, lies and soul numbing mediocrity that we will vote it in time and again.

Yours in the struggle for some sanity.

Richard 

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Wait Until Dark

Dear Fellow South Africans

 

I trust that you thoroughly enjoyed the Tintswalo story and the one about 'private hospitals good, public hospitals better'. I hope that you have stored these nuggets away for inspiration on polling  day.

 

Here's another, that will probably top the wonderfully winsome SONA story.

 

 Ms Sylvia Lucas of fast food fame is reported to have said that load shedding is not the end of the world. I agree Ms Lucas. That will probably be facilitated by the Middle East or China or Iran or North Korea or the US, or all of the above.

No, Miss Lucas it is probably just the end of South Africa. Let me reassure you that the fast food places will still fry on, as they probably all have generators. If I had the ability to write children's stories, I would write one called 'Tintswalo and Friends. Here's an example of what would be in the book:

 

' See Jane drive to KFC. See her chauffeur go in to fetch a bucket of KFC. See Jane send him back to fetch the other nine buckets. Jane is enjoying her KFC. She thinks of all the people who cannot afford KFC, or any other food. Fat tears roll down Jane's  cheeks. Jane has a tender heart (not that 'tender', little ones!). She has another drumstick and  feels better. Does Jane have money to pay for the KFC? Children, tell your parents to get a government credit card. Then you can have all the KFC you want. The nice people at KFC smile when they see Jane. She is a very good customer. Children ask your parents the meaning of 'customer'. It means different things in South Africa. If you go to a government department it means peasant'. Don't fret, dear children. You will soon learn what those words mean.  In the next chapter, little friends,  we see more of Jane and Tintswalo's other friends. Depending on how your parents, uncles and aunts vote, we may see a lot of them - a whole lot. Isn't it fun?'

In other news,  Ms Lucas's colleague, Doctor Electricity, assured South Africans that it will soon be over. As it is unlikely that he was referring to load shedding, one can only assume that this statement ties in with the whole End of the World theme. Perhaps that explains why Mr Ramaphosa said that we should look on the bright side of load shedding. I think that we are being prepared for a time when load shedding will be the least of our problems. It's good of the ANC to give us these subtle warnings. Quite unsettling when you're not forewarned and the roof falls in.

 

Dr Electricity is a most interesting fellow. His dancing skills complement his communication skills. Indeed, it's sometimes difficult to tell which of the two he is actually doing. I seem to recall that on one day he gave three different reasons for stage six load shedding. Now I do know that it's an extremely complex business, so perhaps that understandable. 

He mentioned the ramping up of planned maintenance as one of the reasons. That was just a little puzzling. Fool that I am, I thought that planned maintenance was, er,  planned. I could kick myself. Just because the word 'planned' was used, it does not have to follow that any planning actually took place. After all, in South Africa, and particularly within the ANC, words have many meanings. It's a 'Nineteen Eighty-Four' and  'Alice  in Wonderland' thing.  'Progress',  "Justice', "integrity',  'revolutionary', even 'comrade' and many other words mean exactly what the speaker intends them to mean at a specific time.

'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less. ' 'The question is,' said Alice, 'whether you can make words mean so many different things.' (Alice in Wonderland).

The answer from our comrades in the ANC and other revolutionary parties: an emphatic 'Yebo Yes'

I am inspired. I cannot wait to cast my vote. I hope that you are equally inspired.

Yours in the struggle to dodge the end that comes "not with a bang, but with a whimper" (T.S. Eliot).

Richard 

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Tintswalo Revisited

 Dear Mr Ramaphosa 

We all know that the state of the nation address has nothing to do with the actual state of the nation. 

It's more about the state of the ANC's fortunes right now. We know those are in a shambles. What with the mighty Nxamalala Msholozi Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma and faithful daughter Dudu huffing and puffing at your fragile house in KZN.  There's Commander in Chief of singin', dancin' ground forces, the shouting, pouting Julius Red Rioting Hood Malema. Don't let the 0 to 3 percent scores in by-elections fool you. These guys are on the march, fire issuing from their nostrils.

So, it is somewhat understandable that you would take refuge in the realm of fantasy and fairy tale. Tintswalo tripping through the Mzansi woods, the noble ANC, having vanquished and negotiated with the big bad wolf, now filling her basket with RDP, NSFAS and social grant goodies for grandma and the whole family. Yes, it does make one cringe, doesn't it? When power stations, people and hope are taking a battering as never before. So taking refuge in Tintswalo Land is understandable, but not forgivable. No one serious about our future should forgive you at the polls. No one serious about our survival should forgive you at the polls.

As for the parties mentioned above. Why anyone would take them seriously; why anyone would think them capable of addressing complex problems and restoring some hope and optimism to a battered nation, is a question beyond rational analysis. The burner burns. The destroyer destroys. Only a very few understand and have the skills to build. Breathing fire and slaughter, revenge, hatred and impossible Uhurus also belongs in the land of fantasy. Tintswalo reloaded. Dark cave stuff from the dark past. There it needs to stay. We have had our fill of darkness. 

A little light, please, South Africa.

Mr Ramaphosa, the man-who-preferred-the-public-hospital folk tale was insensitive in the extreme.  We do expect insensitivity from the ANC. It's how you roll, blue lights accompanying. Let the people who queue all day, daily, tell you how crass that was. You wouldn't understand the misery, especially for the elderly, of being ill, weary, shunted, disrespected, treated in grudging, cavalier fashion, waiting, waiting, waiting. 

Why should you? Tintswalo.

Yours in the struggle for some truth and decency.

Richard 

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