Raising Cain

 Dear Pastor / Bishop / Apostle Alph Lukau (Hope I've covered all the bases) 

I follow the shen.., sorry, activities of the shepherd Bushiri and, of course, your esteemed self, from time to time. For entert..., I mean, spiritual enlightenment.

I was alarmed to learn that the honourable Bushiri has departed. I thought it might be a chariots of fire thing but learned that he is just next door, in Malawi. I've heard Malawi spoken of as a paradise. It's not the same thing, though, is it?

You have been somewhat subdued since you brought that chap back across the Styx. Someone scoffed that he should not have looked so surprised. It's not like it was his first time on earth. Well, sir, if I woke in a coffin, with dozens of pairs of eyes on me, I'd also be surprised. Particularly if I'd been debating the relative merits of charismatic movements versus more traditional churches just seconds ago. In a rather different environment. With experts. Worse still if I spotted various bank managers and mashonisas in the gawping crowd. But enough of theological debate, sir. I have a proposition.

There are several fellows who owe me small sums of money but have since shuffled off this mortal coil. Do you think you could.....? It would benefit both of us. You do need to keep your hand in - or is it out? 

You could also be of great service to the embattled, beloved country. Several MPs and perhaps ministers may need your services. Judging by their deportment in parliament and their behaviour in general. After all, brain-dead = dead, doesn't it? Then there are the SOEs. 

But sir, let's discuss this over some fruit juice or a  non-alcoholic beer.

Yours in the struggle to venture beyond this vale of tears.

Richard