Absolutely Fabulous ANC

 Dear Mr Mantashe 

Someone asked on social media which politician we despise most.

What's to despise? You Honourable Members do not get the credit you deserve. Never, in the history of man, has a group of politicians so successfully and seamlessly combined politics and stand up comedy. You have saved me a fortune in tickets to comedy shows. The likes of Trevor Noah and Ismo must tremble every time you step up to the microphone. 

It's almost impossible to select the best routine from your long-running, history-making tour of South Africa. ANC politicians join in protests against illegal miners. Imagine the FBI protesting against rampant crime. Use the Zondo Commission report for ANC renewal. That one had me howling with laughter until a concerned neighbour came over to check on my health. 

I do think, sir, that you are a top contender for comedy routine of the decade. Back in 2019, you proudly announced to the world the discovery of hazenile in South Africa. A luminous moment, were it not that the discovery was an April Fool's joke in an article.

'The fake mineral was first mentioned on the website of Smart Energy International on April 1, where it was described as a "miracle new mineral to revolutionise battery storage."' (Financial Mail). 

I'm not surprised that your people missed the April Fool's disclaimer. So many other things on your minds: Zondo Commission report, karpowerships, ANC Family Feud - the list goes on. Of course, sir, had you caught the minor slip in time, you could have yelled out 'April Fool'. Maybe you still can? If hazenile really existed, it would probably explain how your Party's batteries keep going despite blunders, incompetence and corruption that would have brought down ten governments in a  normal society.

You politicians keep us laughing through the cold, dark Eskom nights. A minister brought cancer medication from Russia in her head. Hazenile existed in your head for a glorious moment. It's good to see ministers using their heads. This cerebral, imaginative approach to life's challenges is what has made us a leading, pioneering country. Like Captain Kirk, we boldly go....

Wakanda built it's technology on vibranium. We are the potential Wakanda of the future, with our plans for bullet trains, smart cities and giant flag monuments. Your people should check it out for the next international mining conference. Also, sir, you might want to check out stronterium, unique to South Africa. Similar to strontium but with some remarkable properties, scientists often refer to this mineral by its abbreviated name, stront.

Yours in the quest for miracle minerals  - or just the odd miracle.

Richard

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

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