ANC Excels

 I am outraged. 

I read that the ANC has been ranked as the 16th most corrupt organisation out of 7,000 worldwide. 

This is a travesty. Surely you belong in the top five, or at worst, top ten. 17th!  This has to be racism at play. How could they not top rank an organisation that cast off the yoke of oppression (though that bastard, Apartheid,  still rears his ugly blond head from time to time) and rose to achieve the following:

1. Misallocated, redeployed, wasted and looted trillions of rands that could have made a significant difference to the quality of life of all South Africans.

2. Failed dismally to deal with rogues, frauds, incompetents and thieves within the party.

3. Indeed, retained, promoted, transferred and otherwise rewarded so very many of the guilty.

4. Allowed corruption, incompetence, indifference, buffoonery to blossom and flourish in every sphere - wherever they lifted a leg and marked their territory 

5. And did so, so much more to transform South Africa 

Who else has turned bullshit into a sublime art form?  Who has conned millions into believing that being deceived, stolen from, lied to, manipulated, is good, liberating, revolutionary and should continue until Jesus returns. I use the word 'conned' innocently, as an abbreviation for 'convinced'. Once more, Africa sucks the dry hind tit. Once more we are denied our rightful place in the shadows. 

I think that the ANC, led by the redoubtable Ms Pandor, should take this matter up with the International Court of Justice. Perhaps Iran, (or some other friendly country equally motivated by a raging thirst for justice, world peace and the brotherhood of man), could help with the financing. I mention that only because I have heard that Iran is generous and well disposed towards us. No surprises there. We are both countries hard at work to right past wrongs committed against women and other historically disadvantaged persons. Kindred spirits you might call us, except in the matter of consumption of spirits.

South Africans will be delighted to know that, in the beloved country, are several other parties deserving of a place among the heroes of corruption, betrayal, lying and other black, oops, (sorry, SAHRC), colourful  political arts.

Here's a bit of 'he pushed me first' schoolboy nonsense between the DA and Action SA from X:

Action SA: "Lying is an art form with the DA.

The ANC today supported an ActionSA amendment to REMOVE the VAT hike and give South Africans income tax relief." 

DA:  "ActionSA has done a deal with the ANC to pass a 1% VAT hike over the next 2 years, making life more expensive.

The DA condemns this sell-out tactic by ActionSA, which has worked with the ANC to adopt the Budget and has condemned South Africans to a higher cost of living"

Is it any wonder that the opposition has been as effective as a perforated condom?

We are beyond the eleventh hour, on the way to failed state hell and the best our opposition parties can give us is "woof, woof, woof". 

"Under the spreading chestnut tree,

I sold you and you sold me"

George Orwell: Nineteen Eighty-Four.

Guys, the truth will out sooner rather than later. How you waste our time and hope.

I have to say that Herman Mashaba started out sounding like the kind of positive, forward - looking politician South Africa so badly needs. Lately, his bitter, victim - like bleatings have him sounding more EFF / ANC / MK than the old ActionSA. It's like watching a noble Tussaud wax work melt into a pathetic caricature.

But, to the point: well done, ANC, well done!

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Comedian Sues Political Parties

A stand-up comedian is suing a large number of politicians and political parties. They are, he accuses, unfairly drawing audiences away from stand-up comedy, using the most reprehensible, underhand tactics.

They are not members of the Entertainers' Guild. They have never paid a cent in membership dues. They perform under the guise of making political speeches. As there is no apparent charge (see the next sentence), the competition is grossly unfair to professional comedians. To make matters worse, they are heavily, no, entirely, subsidized by taxpayers. And they are packing in the eager, laughing crowds in stadiums and halls around the country.

He cited the  politicians' joke that there has been no expropriation without compensation to date and alarmists should stop exaggerating. One may give crack dealers automatic weapons, he said, but until they have been used, there is no cause for alarm. Besides, all that's required is an assurance that the weapons are only for recreational purposes  - shooting cans in the bush. That is a poor analogy -  insulting too. Crack dealers have very little integrity. But they do have a teeny bit. whereas the average South African politician.... Actually there are very few average South African politicians. The majority are well below average. Mostly a cadre of 30% graduates of real world politics. But our best and brightest comedians cannot compete with the material churned out by the shy but brilliant speech writers.

Talking of integrity, look at how Ms Baleka Mbete cracked up an international audience during her Al Jazeera interview. Who can top the piece about the politician who went from gaol to head up the party's integrity committee. The tags just kept flowing.

 "I don't believe he was guilty".

"The judge did, but then again, he's just a judge". 

In a sort of reverse Monopoly gambit, the gentleman went straight from gaol, bypassed 'Begin', and probably collected a bit  more than R200.

It's hard to beat the one about the discovery of hazenile in South Africa, announced at an international mining conference. The only deposits are to be found in an April Fool spoof article in a mining magazine. 

The 'Red Pig' helicopter story almost tops the Wakanda - like hazenile discovery. With the same level of care and attention to detail, it was announced from some government basement that a parliamentary group would be visiting an airforce base to inspect the Rooivark helicopter, a marvel of South African ingenuity. That one fairly crackled with wit and humour. While many maintain that it was a typing error or worse, I stubbornly and hopefully cling to the belief that South Africa quietly built a helicopter vastly superior to the Rooivalk. It would certainly give the grunts on the ground much reassurance.

When a performer starts his routine with something like  "The highly ethical and fastest-growing political Party in Africa, uMkhonto WeSizwe, under the magnificent leadership of His Excellency President Jacob Zuma...", he has the audience in the palm of his hand, while they simultaneously roll in the aisles like EFF politicians at a municipal or parliamentary punch up. By the time he gets to such gems as "The Moses of today, His Excellency President Jacob Zuma. Under divine leadership,  President Zuma continues to fight enemies here and abroad for the economic freedom of ordinary South Africans...",  the need for ambulances and medical practitioners has become urgent. Yes, I can see where the complainant is coming from. Who can hope to compete with the piercing wit, the immortal one - liners, punchlines that devastate like a George Foreman roundhouse? 

South Africans, why do you complain? Our bellies may not be full but where else in the world has a nation been fed such an extravagant buffet of belly laughs? And that, said our claimant, is but the top of the tip of the rapidly melting iceberg.

When the claim succeeds, said our man, moneys will go to a fund for struggling artists (as opposed to struggle artists, of whom we have a plentiful but seemingly useless abundance).

I believe that he has a strong - to - open - and- shut case.

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The Mar-a-Largo Candidate

Explaining what makes Vladimir Putin a cruel, vicious dictator is as redundant as explaining what makes Count Dracula a  vampire.

Nonetheless, some of my friends, (including a famous Honourable Daughter),  see him as the modern equivalent of the Great White Father Across the Sea. So, for them, here are a few subtle hints.

It is common cause that anyone brave or foolish enough to speak against the Frowning One quickly ends up in the place - where - one - does - not - pass - begin nor receive R200.

His political opponents seem to routinely end up in the same place, or dead, or all of the above. 

A small detail that seems to have escaped the attention of that philosopher - statesman, Donald Trump, is that Vladimir is the cruel aggressor and invader in the Ukraine Special Operation. 

He ticks all the duck detection boxes, as applied to bullies, tyrants and dictators.

He looks like one, talks like one, walks like one. Ergo, he is one.

Of course the proof of the pudding is, as always, in the eating and it would be enlightening for the Great White Father worshippers to spend some time in Russia and shoot their mouths off with gay abandon. 

If Russia is indeed the forerunner of the Brave New World, then many economic and political refugees have not noticed. They do not exactly crowd the ships and planes to get there.  Many people express the desire to move to the great Satan,  the USA. There may be some who would give anything to move to the Big Cabbage, Moscow. I have not come across anyone who does. Perhaps you have. 

What is wrong with Donald? What does Donald Trump see that makes him worship  at Putin's throne? It seems as if he would willingly burn down Ukraine to please Vladimir. On that note,  let's make a prediction, namely that given all the leeway, this bugger (Trump), will burn the whole world down. The world needs leaders with compassion, character, competence and cool heads. The USA has gone for gigantic ego, hot heads, dubious character and bluster. That's not exactly a recipe for healing chicken soup for the world. So back to the question of why Trump's heart beats rapidly at the thought of Putin. Some possibilities.

Perhaps Trump is not as smart as he's reputed to be. Or he may be street smart, which doesn't always mean wise. 

Could Putin have something on him? Did he perhaps have a meaningful relationship with, say, a Russian actress?

Does he simply admire the man because he's always wanted to be a dictator himself when he grows up?

Is there perhaps a Brokeback Mountain thing going on here in plain sight of the whole world?

Here's my theory in the form of a short story. 

A masseuse  in an up market, elegant  massage parlour leaves her client to disrobe in the cubicle while she makes an urgent call. 

"Comrade,  the orange - haired man is here. Shall I now use the special lotion that you gave me?"

"Excellent. Yes, go ahead". 

"Is it true, comrade, that the lotion will release nanobots through his skin". 

"Da, comrade. These will make their way to the relevant part of the brain and every time he hears the word 'Putin', he will go into the ecstasy that a spaniel goes into when the master shows up"

For Manchurian Candidate, substitute Mar-a-Largo Candidate. 

That very afternoon, Trump's secretary pops into his office.

"I'm done for the day, sir, and if it's okay with you, I'd like to put in an extra day's leave after Thanksgiving."

"Thank you Stella. Of course you may".

He pauses. A blankness, like a veil, falls over his face.  His eyes glaze over. He mutters the words "put in". 

"Are you alright sir?"

He gives himself a shake. 

"Yes, yes. I'm fine. You go off and enjoy yourself". 

As the secretary's footsteps echo down the corridor, he picks up his telephone.

"Vladimir", he says.  "What do you need me for? You know that I'm yours to command."

"Ah, Donald, my good and faithful friend," says the heavily accented voice at the other end. Yes, there is this thing with Ukraine...."

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Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

 Is Mr De Ruiter  back at Eskom? 

That's the only explanation for this new plunge into accustomed darkness. After all, if memory serves, the ANC and friends dubbed him the prince of darkness, blaming him for our power troubles. I recall Mr Mbalula calling him a racist and a 'right wing', both of which characteristics are bound to destroy any power utility. The 'right wing' thing put me off my favourite KFC offering for months.

And things were going so smoothly before the national elections. Cynical South Africans read all sorts of nasty things into the coincidental timing. Of course it's coincidental. These things happen. Have you not noticed an increase in acts of generosity, visibility and church attendance by politicians around election season? Just part of the mystical rhythm of life - like the seasons.

No sooner had we voted in municipal elections than the lights all went out in Massachusetts. A fitting metaphor, perhaps.  Now repeated after national elections. Could it be that the universe is  telling us something, fellow South Africans?

There's a more prosaic explanation, namely that  past performance is usually a reliable indicator for future performance. Ah, but we are slow to learn. So caught up are we in airy revolutions, gorging on racial hatred, resentment, the joys of victimhood and the other pastimes that make South Africa a 'green and pleasant land', that commonsense and the plain truth elude us. The ANC can neither do the barest basics expected of a government, nor just tell the truth about what the devil is really going on. Still, so many windmills to tilt at, so little time.

There is really only one revolution that matters. Liberation from the tyranny of group think,  useless slogans, clichès and the lies and manipulation that cover a multitude of politicians' sins. In the confessional, these would include:

Broken promises, 

Commitment to incompetence and buffoonery,

Lies by commission and omission, 

Corruption and winking at corruption,

A mystifying lack of humility that never acknowledges the failures, the lack of knowledge and / or ability that shine as brightly as the Durban sunshine,

Failure to lay out a vision and a strategy that South Africans can get behind,

Promoting division, resentment and racism,

And, as the advertisers say, there's more.

There's much careless talk of treason following Afriforum's activities in the United States.

But what about the list above? How's that for a concerted, diligent and already partially successful attempt to destroy the country?

Bend it any way you wish but a government that, over decades, cannot keep the lights on, nor address the issue coherently and intelligently is not worthy of the name.

But, vote on, dear fellow South Africans. That, too, is part of the mystical rhythm of life in the beloved country.

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Ramaphosa Goes to Washington

Encouraged by the  courteous, constructive discussions between Zelensky and the top men in Washington, Ramaphosa arrives at the Oval Office. 

Bouyed up by optimism, he wears a smile and has been careful to wear his best suit (out of respect for the sanctity of his surrounds). 

Trump: Welcome to Washington,  Mr Ramaposer. How was your voyage from South Sudan?

Ramaphosa: South Africa. And we flew.

Trump: That's what I meant.

Vance: South Sudan, South Africa. It's all Africa, isn't it?

Ramaphosa (frostily): Mr Vance, have you ever been to South Africa?

Vance: No, but I've watched YouTube videos. 

Trump: Mr Ramaposer, I'll be frank. We are unhappy about your attacks on the mighty dollar. You can't have it both ways: accepting our aid and attacking our currency.

Ramaphosa: That's not true. I personally kept billions of dollars under my....awkward pause.

Trump: We've given you billions in aid. Never once have you thanked us.

Ramaphosa: You've taken billions in gold, diamonds and other minerals from us and paid peanuts. Never once have you thanked us.

Trump: I don't like your tone, Mr Ramaposer.  You disrespect the Oval Office. (Wagging a finger). Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

Vance chimes in. And you didn't wipe your shoes properly when you came in.

Ramaphos: ,  I find your comments patronizing and I'm insulted by the racist undertones. Would you be speaking like this to a European head of state?

Trump: You should have seen the going over we gave Zelensky. 

 Trump and Vance exchange glances and chuckle.

Trump: I'm offended by the racism slur. Some of my best friends are African Americans -  and Mexicans. But you should be a lot more careful about the company you keep if you're serious about having a positive relationship with the great USA. 

Ramaphosa (Huffily): We are a sovereign state. We won't be dictated to about our relationships.

Trump, red in the face:  Sovereign state! You're nothing but a shi....

Trump's stabbing forefinger connects with Ramaphosa's eye, just as the latter leans forward to fire off an angry retort. Ramaphosa swats the finger away. A shoving match gets underway.

"How dare you assault POTUS in the Oval Office!" Vance yells, crossing himself.

Heads bump and, in a reflex action, Ramaphosa shoots out a left jab. Trump reels, then headbutts Ramaphosa. Both men fall to the floor, clutching their heads. Vance gets in a couple of kicks to Ramaphosa's ribs. Secret service agents run up, guns drawn.

Trump rises unsteadily, hands raised to still the pandemonium and get the agents to back off.

"Ha, ha. Just a bit of robust diplomacy,  folks",  he says, helping Ramaphosa to his feet. 

"Of course, you fake news people will blow this out of all proportion. Thank goodness for real news channels like Fox." 

Fox journalists nod vigorously while erasing some footage.

"If we world leaders can't be honest with one another, what's the world coming to? Eh, Ramaposer?"

Ramaphosa nods shakily, dusting himself off and adjusting his tie.

Trump: Well, that was a fruitful exchange, wasn't it? Now, Mr Ramaposer, about AGOA....

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The Finger

On the government's coat of arms should be a finger raised in the universal rude gesture. 

I brought an elderly lady from an old age home to the nearby state hospital. They call it a hospital but it looks like a squat in a thoroughly disreputable neighbourhood.

She spent an entire day, mostly waiting.  A specialist, due in the afternoon, had not arrived by 8pm. I asked a doctor to find out when this would happen, as I would have to wheel her back to the old age home in the dark, through unsafe streets. 

"She is coming," the doctor told me, supposedly having called the specialist.

He just didn't say which day, month or year. 

It is far better to give the finger to weary, dispirited patients, than to lie. Lying is clearly not covered by the Hippocratic oath. At 9 pm, it's decided that the patient should spend the night. That decision could have been made much earlier, if anyone gave a fig. Ah, but then we are just South African citizens, not ANC royalty, friends or family. 

The next morning, I roll up, confident that all has been done. How stupid I am. 2 pm on this second day and all that has been done for the patient is to make her sit and wait, in a twilight zone where all communication has died a painful death. Drawing out the misery is a uniquely South African service skill.  State departments have honed it to a fine art. I speak to two sets of medical practitioners. One, like a good South African politician, makes a promise, then disappears forever. The other reports back that the doctor will follow up. Now where did I hear that before?

This government poison has seeped into business as well. Not for the first time, I queued at the only Capitec ATM out of three, that was still functioning. As in a Monty Python movie, the dreaded 'Out of Service' message proudly flashed on at the exact moment that I stepped up. Capitec, it's a fascinating business model that you have, sticking a couple of dead ATMs next to the sole living one.

Netflix has playing an intriguing game with a friend of mine, kicking him out at delightfully irregular intervals. And Netflix blithely continues, seeing no need for apologies or explanations that make sense to a rational human being. 

We are drowning in execrable service. And gulping down the stuff as we go. Have you been allowing this to happen to you - monkey business as usual? You shouldn't.

I am sure that there are some fine, compassionate, competent people somewhere in the swamp that our country has become.

We just didn't meet them on this occasion.

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None So Blind

"The ANC parliamentary caucus has expressed its "strongest condemnation of the rampant fraud and corruption uncovered at Eskom". | @gerbjan.  Thus reported one of our news agencies, with a straight face.

ANC jokes are so tiresome. Marching against crime, pontificating about the basic human rights of people in other countries (to water, safety etc.), eternally self-correcting and self-renewing, creating mythical Tintswalos, seeing Apartheid, a sinister, Bigfoot - like creature,  in every fumble, blunder and self-inflicted disaster. 

If you are going to lie, try to be consistent. Your minister of darkness, very early on in his stellar dance-and-tell career, said that technology, not corruption, was at the root of Eskom's problems. De Ruiter was reviled for daring to suggest that something was rotten, not only in Eskom but in the upper echelon as well.

The ANC is not alone. The people ultimately responsible for the steaming mess at the bottom of our pit toilet are the voters. Imagine voting in the fox to guard the henhouse, year in and year out, blood and feathers on his grinning jaws. 

If reason and commonsense were allowed under our tattered border fence as readily as illegal immigrants are, the ANC, EFF, MK and their bedfellows (or fellow bedwetters) would have been discarded at the polls a long time ago. Show me one positive thing that these merchants of misery and mischief have done for South Africa. Show me one thing that they have touched that has not turned instantly to excrement. Show me what thirty years of ANC rule, many years of EFF prancing and yapping and MK's directionless dancing and singing have achieved for you, fellow South African. Our politicians love the word 'fokol'. One can see why.

If you ask me for proof of non-performance, incompetence, buffoonery and indifference, then you clearly have not read or watched the news for thirty years. You have gone about your daily business with eyes tight shut. I cannot help you, Rip van Winkle. Go back to sleep.

I write this at a state hospital. It's a drab, dingy place, the overall appearance and atmosphere better suited to one of the more notorious prisons. Walls and floors are cracked and peeling. 

Tired, bewildered patients shuffle from station to station, while staff shuffle papers endlessly. One would think that the business of this hospital is paper, not patients. Medical and clerical staff are generally brusque, sometimes impatient and sometimes seemingly angry at the world. 

"Go here. Go there," sums up most of the communication from the angels of mercy. A nurse set up a drip for the person I was accompanying.

"What happens next? Where do we go to?" I asked, trying to avoid the black hole of bewilderment that tends to follow each stage of treatment.

Her reply did wonders for my confidence in our medical practitioners:

"I don't know. I'm just following the doctor's orders." 

"We too," I said. "If we just knew what they were!"

And our jocular president spoke, during a State of the Nation Address, of a state hospital that was better than private hospitals. 

Again, if you're going to lie, try to steer clear of science fiction and fantasy. (I just mention this apropos of nothing).

"How dare you? Who are you to tell us how to vote? It's our democratic right!"

I know of a guy who, in a show of extremely foolish bravado, drank a bottle of vodka, neat and in almost one go. It killed him. But it was his democratic right.

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Dudu or Death

Dear Honourable Dudu 

Thanks to you, I now know what it takes to be an honourable member. That was a fine piece of oratory, your tweets advising Floyd to eff off. I now have full confidence that you will address repo rate issues with gusto and finesse. I can clearly see that your deployment to parliament was a wise choice indeed, based on the fine qualities that we sometimes get a glimpse of from your thought-provoking tweets. The latest, of course, being a particularly choice example.

Your transparency is commendable. We see the soiled laundry.

I do not know what led to the falling out. You must have been sorely provoked, as we all know what a model of restraint, forbearance and reason you are. Floyd must have done something really bad. He did once put a chokehold on an impertinent journalist, so nothing would surprise. 

There were outpouring of support for you both. The most heartwarming of them all came from Apostle Deza:

"We’re NOT Confused Nor Misled. We are fully behind Duduzile. It’s Dudu OR Death! 😭😭😭🙌🏾 #HandsOffDudu Hands Off ✊🏾

Apostle Deza"

Such a ring to that: "Dudu OR death!" It's the sort of ringing battle cry you'd expect to hear in an epic like 'Lord of the Rings' or 'The Charge of the Light Brigade'. I strongly suggest that you adopt it as an MK war cry. I bet it would scare the living daylights out of anyone foolish enough to oppose you.

I scrolled through the thoughtful comments on X, casting more light on this family disagreement. Dear reader, a stroll down this lane will show you how strongly grounded the MK Party is in principle and sound problem-solving and conflict handling skills. They will never be shaken.

'Floyd is a factionalist he tried that in the EFF and CIC Julius Malema ended it, Commander Dudu never be shaken by this useless SG

#HandsOffDudu'

'We are still not confused. We are protecting our Sister Duduzile Zuma Sambudla from the Man who singlehandedly collapsed the VBS Bank. The only bank owned by Africans.'

'VBS Fraud Floyd Shivambu is a problem - he's a sexist and a chauvinist.

#HandsOffDudu

Proud African'

'He did bites Julius Malema so many  times, fortunately Julius Malema is immune to snake 🐍 venom and he wanted to sell the EFF to Rupert and failed.

Today he's seen biting everyone who's disagree with him in the Mkp .

Unfortunately he touched the wrong one !

#HandsOffDudu

Kate'

'They Will Expel Me Tomorrow…It Is Well With My Soul

OKSALAYO FLOYD IS USELESS!!!

#WeSeeYou

Duduzile'

'What I know is that Comrade Dudu can't betray her Father. She discovered something about mahonisi evil plans.

Battalion 54'

It is a little confusing. Floyd was going to add great value to MK, with his sound ideology and superior logic, according to such expert commentators as the respected Kim Heller. What happened to the sweet nothings that used to pass between Dudu, Floyd and Julius? As I place great value on the analytical skills of the Comrade commentators above, I again come to the reluctant conclusion that Floyd did Something Bad.

It's also surprising that, after denials and indignation, some of the comrades are asserting quite openly that Floyd did Something Not Quite Right at the VBS Bank. Begs another question: why, then, did you welcome him like a long-lost brother at MK?

All a bit messy, but I'm confident that wise heads, of which there is clearly no shortage in the mighty MK Party, will prevail. Any fears that one may have are laid to rest by this tweet:

'MK Party is strong than ever my Lord, don't worry about The EFF gossiping lies about Brother Floyd and Dudu

Coastland 24'

Yes, the proof  that the MK Party is 'strong than ever', is self-evident in these exchanges. 

Dudu OR Death!

Yours in the struggle against sexists, chauvinists, factionalists and other counter- revolutionary types.

Richard

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The Unquiet American

An American called Jason Hinkle has popped out of the backwoods or swamps recently, probably sipping at a jar of moonshine, as he praises Julius Malema. Of course, if you were here, mate, your pampered ass (trying to use terms you'll understand) would be singing a different tune. Julius has interesting thoughts about you, based on your complexion.

That must be strong stuff you're glugging. For you, Julius, Olympic class flip-flopper, race cardsharp, high life connoisseur, renowned for contributing nothing beyond clouds of hot air, is a hero. I wonder which of his heroic deeds you admire most: the dubious Ratanang Trust activities, his role in the VBS saga, the many hysterical outbursts and marches that added no value to our national struggles? Perhaps it's his oratory that gives you goosebumps, reminiscent of the greats: Mussolini, the little Austrian, our own Eugene Terreblanche. Or is it the way he can carry a tune such as 'Kill the Boer'?

In one of your mindlessly gushing tweets, you mentioned that he is fighting the banks. Yes, he allegedly did a good job on VBS, total annihilation of the enemy. I suggest that, instead of making inane, uninformed comments, Mr Hinkle, you return to catching catfish, brewing moonshine or whatever it is that you did before you became an expert on my country. You embarrass yourself.

South Africa has far too many Hinkles already, long deserted by commonsense, who fled in horror, never looking back. 

Some characteristics of creeping hinklesim:

* Spouting praise for public figures of dubious standing and achievement 

* Ignoring facts and track records for the warm sensation that comes from baying with the mob - not unlike that of urinating on oneself

* Scorning logic and sober analysis for the joy of wallowing in hatred, victimhood and wet dreams of revenge

* A preference for burning over building 

* An inability to understand that the intolerance, spite and reckless opportunism that you support, will bite you too, eventually. Ask Floyd and many others. 

There are populists and there are (a very few) people that you can trust to do the right thing for their country and future generations.

See a distinction there, Mr Hinkle?

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Expropriation

Dear Mr Ramaphosa

People just don't understand how hard it is being president. So many people to please. So little time.

I am glad that you haven't squandered precious time on such issues as out-of- control crime, crumbling infrastructure,  galloping corruption, incompetence and buffoonery in high places, and everything else that makes us a great nation. Don't get me wrong. These things are, of course, important to the little people. But one needs to understand the great game. Smoke, mirrors Orwell's Newspeak and Double think. I am pleased to see that you have taken the bull by the testicles and gone for the big, sexy stuff -  the Bela Bill, expropriation and, no doubt, more to come.

People have been saying that you have no spine. Well I think that you have now shown them that you can fu..., sorry shake things up  as well as the next man. I think you have just become as controversial as Trump. Of course he has some real power and resources. But who needs all that when you have historical unrighteous indignation, the accusatory finger and powerful comrades on your side.

So glad to see that you've not been distracted by trivia. After all, people die somewhere every day. Also glad to see that you remember the important rule of high politics: when troubles come, find something significant (if useless) to refocus attention.

I love the way you focus on the things that are bound to bring national unity, pride and inclusiveness. Nation building, right?

Talking of Trump, good for you, thumbing your nose at him. So we lose a whole lot of trade, jobs, grants for NGOs to do the jobs that government is failing to do...So what? At least we'll have our pride. And our friends in far away places in the Middle East and Eurasia to console us. What more does a country need?

Some say also that you are leading us rapidly down the road to another Zimbabwe. Stuff and nonsense! We are way past that on our way to our own special, imaginary Uhuru. It will eclipse everything that Zimbabwe has done in the fertile fields of transformation. (A rude friend says that, in much of Africa, transformation = trashing the hotel room most thoroughly. What does he know, bloody agent?). Is it not true that if you can believe it, then you can see it? While you flit around the world stage, making earth-shattering pronouncements, unifying your country and putting all your people first, as always, your ministers are rather quiet. That is, except for the gnu ones. Perhaps if one is going to continue down the jolly paths of banqueting while buggering things up, it is a good idea to do it quietly. 

You will certainly long be remembered as the man who, with his faithful companions, stuf....,sorry, shook South Africa up as never before. While many South Africans are hungry, it's good to know that at least there are many promises and sparkling visions to fill the belly in the interim. One day, when the smart cities are doing whatever smart cities do and the bullet trains are speeding along, people will understand and appreciate your genius. As the day is most unlikely to come anytime soon, in the meantime let's just call you the biggest bullsh...., sorry, meant to say pinch hitter of all time. (Bloody autocorrect and predictive text!).

It was on your watch that the concept of our country having much fokol to offer her own people and the world came to full fruition. (remember how we loaded the Russian ship with tons of fokol, according to our so-called minister of defence?).

Yes, you will be remembered. 

Yours in the struggle to mount the steep stairs of statementship. 

Richard.

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723

Celebrating Incompetence and Indifference

On too many occasions to count, the SABC  has displayed programme information that has nothing to do with the programme actually on screen. It might help if SABC staff actually did their jobs, instead of, say, causing allegedly drunken disruption on flights. (I just dreamed that one up). Such clumsy buffoonery is not earth shattering in comparison to looting of trillions and gross neglect of duty. Or in comparison to the treasonous betrayal of long suffering South Africans.

It does illustrate something fundamentally wrong and broken in our country. It indicates how deep the neglect, incompetence and indifference run. If the national broadcaster, which haemorrhages money like a  throat slit from ear to ear, cannot do the barest minimum, cannot meet minimum requirements for a functioning broadcaster, then you can be sure that similar incompetence  will be found elsewhere in government. Perhaps everywhere.

A friend's brother was dying of cancer in a state hospital. She observed, among others, the following, during her daily visits:

Theft was rampant in the wards. Patients would walk in from elsewhere and help themselves to fruit, juice and even her brother's toothbrush. How low have we sunk, South Africa?

We know, of course, that stealing and fraud are not restricted to patients. The Tembisa skinny jeans saga is but one example. And we murder whistleblowers.

Nurses seemed only marginally interested in the welfare of patients. Something that I foolishly thought was the whole business of nursing. Apart from the many South African hospital horror stories,  I know from personal experience that this is the rule rather than the exception. Indifference rules. Incompetence flourishes. And we want to have a National Health Insurance.

What a way to end one's days. What a way to be dying. In the company of cold, uncaring strangers. How low we have sunk. It was a mercy that my friend's brother was taken home from the place where no mercy dwells. A place unacqainted with compassion and all that makes us truly human. Where the idea of Ubuntu is a cruel, hypocritical lie. 

I worked once for a Healthcare NGO, relying on donations, with excellent staff, from managers and doctors to care workers and volunteers. That is not just my opinion. That's the view of many, many patients who travelled far from their own local clinics to attend our clinic. The difference: a management tough on standards and values, soft on people. As you celebrate 113 years of abdication of responsibility and celebration of mediocrity, here's the first thing you need to do, ANC: sack every one of the so-called leaders and managers who have made long careers out of betraying the people of South Africa.

Somewhere in this country are people who do want to serve.

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723

Brain Farts, Racism and Beaches

 A Twitter / X intellectual:

"As black people we must normalize going in numbers on those white beaches that are mostly preferred by Racist.

Make sure they're packed!!! 

Go swim!! Fart!!! And enjoy yourselves!!

It's your country!!...."

Dear Farter

How kak must your life be that the best contribution that you can make to change in our country is to fart on the beach? Why are you so obsessed about where the 'racists' swim or whatever else they do? They were defeated in 1994. For heaven's sake move on. You are going to make yourself ill. The country needs much more than your gaseous contribution. So many needs, so much to do. Your creativity and talent are needed, but not your farts. You really do not have to give utterance to every brain fart. Your philosophy not only sucks but stinks also.

This bit of verbal diarrhoea from you is not worthy of comment, except that it is typical of so much that appears on social media. Lately I've seen some really brainless, racist remarks that belong at the mushy bottom of a pit toilet. This is the kind of comment that no adult with a milligram of common sense or intelligence would make. It's the sort of rubbish that suggests that you can lump and stereotype people on the basis of parentage and circumstances of birth. That is so ludicrously brainless as to merit the Moron's Nobel Prize. It says so much more about the speaker than about those spoken of. None of it is good. Or edifying. You guys have learnt so well from your previous Nationalist masters. In fact, you would have made marvellous little apprentices for a certain half-mustachioed Austrian, with a penchant for nonsensical rants.

I shan't quote any of the wisdom of the Twitter intellectuals here. That would be like laying out great heaps of human dung for futile examination. One of the charming quirks of racist behaviour is making witless comments about people that one has never met (a mercy for those people) and knows nothing about. It may stem from never having had the benefit of the wisdom and experience of older people. It could be from the company one keeps, instead of one's own counsel. True that if one lies down with dogs, one wakes up fleas - and / or excrement. It certainly stems from failure to use the brain that God bestowed (wasted?) on you. It most assuredly stems from that great, gaping hole where conscience and the merest humanity should reside. There is an excuse for the beasts of the wild.

There is a bit of nonsense that is fairly popular on social media. It's the fantasy that black people cannot be racist. That's like saying that black people cannot be jealous, hateful, unreasonable, unreasoning or foolish. When did black people become exempt from any of the foolishness and wickedness that besets the human race? Said it before: you can be as vile as anyone else; why limit yourself? 

Really, guys! Was it for this that so many sacrificed so much in our country? For the worst kind of infantile tit for tat? Go vomit this stuff in your toilet bowl. South Africa needs and demands more of her children.

Until you grow up, we don't need you.

Yours in the struggle to find a few grown-ups in South Africa.

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723