Wait Until Dark

Dear Fellow South Africans

 

I trust that you thoroughly enjoyed the Tintswalo story and the one about 'private hospitals good, public hospitals better'. I hope that you have stored these nuggets away for inspiration on polling  day.

 

Here's another, that will probably top the wonderfully winsome SONA story.

 

 Ms Sylvia Lucas of fast food fame is reported to have said that load shedding is not the end of the world. I agree Ms Lucas. That will probably be facilitated by the Middle East or China or Iran or North Korea or the US, or all of the above.

No, Miss Lucas it is probably just the end of South Africa. Let me reassure you that the fast food places will still fry on, as they probably all have generators. If I had the ability to write children's stories, I would write one called 'Tintswalo and Friends. Here's an example of what would be in the book:

 

' See Jane drive to KFC. See her chauffeur go in to fetch a bucket of KFC. See Jane send him back to fetch the other nine buckets. Jane is enjoying her KFC. She thinks of all the people who cannot afford KFC, or any other food. Fat tears roll down Jane's  cheeks. Jane has a tender heart (not that 'tender', little ones!). She has another drumstick and  feels better. Does Jane have money to pay for the KFC? Children, tell your parents to get a government credit card. Then you can have all the KFC you want. The nice people at KFC smile when they see Jane. She is a very good customer. Children ask your parents the meaning of 'customer'. It means different things in South Africa. If you go to a government department it means peasant'. Don't fret, dear children. You will soon learn what those words mean.  In the next chapter, little friends,  we see more of Jane and Tintswalo's other friends. Depending on how your parents, uncles and aunts vote, we may see a lot of them - a whole lot. Isn't it fun?'

In other news,  Ms Lucas's colleague, Doctor Electricity, assured South Africans that it will soon be over. As it is unlikely that he was referring to load shedding, one can only assume that this statement ties in with the whole End of the World theme. Perhaps that explains why Mr Ramaphosa said that we should look on the bright side of load shedding. I think that we are being prepared for a time when load shedding will be the least of our problems. It's good of the ANC to give us these subtle warnings. Quite unsettling when you're not forewarned and the roof falls in.

 

Dr Electricity is a most interesting fellow. His dancing skills complement his communication skills. Indeed, it's sometimes difficult to tell which of the two he is actually doing. I seem to recall that on one day he gave three different reasons for stage six load shedding. Now I do know that it's an extremely complex business, so perhaps that understandable. 

He mentioned the ramping up of planned maintenance as one of the reasons. That was just a little puzzling. Fool that I am, I thought that planned maintenance was, er,  planned. I could kick myself. Just because the word 'planned' was used, it does not have to follow that any planning actually took place. After all, in South Africa, and particularly within the ANC, words have many meanings. It's a 'Nineteen Eighty-Four' and  'Alice  in Wonderland' thing.  'Progress',  "Justice', "integrity',  'revolutionary', even 'comrade' and many other words mean exactly what the speaker intends them to mean at a specific time.

'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less. ' 'The question is,' said Alice, 'whether you can make words mean so many different things.' (Alice in Wonderland).

The answer from our comrades in the ANC and other revolutionary parties: an emphatic 'Yebo Yes'

I am inspired. I cannot wait to cast my vote. I hope that you are equally inspired.

Yours in the struggle to dodge the end that comes "not with a bang, but with a whimper" (T.S. Eliot).

Richard 

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Tintswalo Revisited

 Dear Mr Ramaphosa 

We all know that the state of the nation address has nothing to do with the actual state of the nation. 

It's more about the state of the ANC's fortunes right now. We know those are in a shambles. What with the mighty Nxamalala Msholozi Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma and faithful daughter Dudu huffing and puffing at your fragile house in KZN.  There's Commander in Chief of singin', dancin' ground forces, the shouting, pouting Julius Red Rioting Hood Malema. Don't let the 0 to 3 percent scores in by-elections fool you. These guys are on the march, fire issuing from their nostrils.

So, it is somewhat understandable that you would take refuge in the realm of fantasy and fairy tale. Tintswalo tripping through the Mzansi woods, the noble ANC, having vanquished and negotiated with the big bad wolf, now filling her basket with RDP, NSFAS and social grant goodies for grandma and the whole family. Yes, it does make one cringe, doesn't it? When power stations, people and hope are taking a battering as never before. So taking refuge in Tintswalo Land is understandable, but not forgivable. No one serious about our future should forgive you at the polls. No one serious about our survival should forgive you at the polls.

As for the parties mentioned above. Why anyone would take them seriously; why anyone would think them capable of addressing complex problems and restoring some hope and optimism to a battered nation, is a question beyond rational analysis. The burner burns. The destroyer destroys. Only a very few understand and have the skills to build. Breathing fire and slaughter, revenge, hatred and impossible Uhurus also belongs in the land of fantasy. Tintswalo reloaded. Dark cave stuff from the dark past. There it needs to stay. We have had our fill of darkness. 

A little light, please, South Africa.

Mr Ramaphosa, the man-who-preferred-the-public-hospital folk tale was insensitive in the extreme.  We do expect insensitivity from the ANC. It's how you roll, blue lights accompanying. Let the people who queue all day, daily, tell you how crass that was. You wouldn't understand the misery, especially for the elderly, of being ill, weary, shunted, disrespected, treated in grudging, cavalier fashion, waiting, waiting, waiting. 

Why should you? Tintswalo.

Yours in the struggle for some truth and decency.

Richard 

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Trump, Zuma, Malema for President

Dear Mr Trump 

You could have destroyed your campaign with that remarkably witless comment about NATO. 

Fortunately for you, it doesn't matter to the cult members what you say. You could sing 'Baa Baa Black Sheep' to thunderous applause. We, in the sh..hole countries (as some clown once referred to us), know this well. We have our share of populist politicians with mandibular dislocation (python-like mouth stretching). 

And you call Joe Biden a mental basket case.

It's intriguing that you so resemble our own Zuma, Malema and others. Every time you open your mouths, you destroy any remaining illusions about your fitness for office. I'm not saying that you couldn't be presidents - of, say, a small football club. 

This does beg a question. Which came first: sh..hole politicians or sh..hole voters? Important, because we seem to be digging ever bigger sh..holes around the world, wielding our democratic rights and privileges as a mean brat wields a hammer.

I'm glad that we are not NATO members. We sometimes have a little trouble paying bills. And you said that bills must be paid. Or else. (I love it when you go all persuasive and diplomatic). Terrible if you encouraged Russia to attack us for unpaid  bills. Of course that's academic. Russia would never attack us. They are our loyal mast..., pardon, mates. When the West was giving them the cold shoulder, we even loaded a uniquely South African product, fokol, onto one of their ships one night. (See The Scuffle Continues : Bringing Fokol to the World: https://thescuffle.blogspot.com/2023/05/bringing-fokol-to-world.html )

Nevertheless, your idea is not without merit, applied elsewhere. Banks could not only refuse to help errant debtors,  but even encourage willing third parties to attack them. As I was saying to my bank manager when he complained about my....er, that's not really relevant here. Mr Trump, when you were in business, did you....., nah, perish the thought.

Well, sir, thank goodness for sh..hole politics. I wouldn't be too concerned, if I were you. Prattle on.

Yours in the struggle for significance on the global stage.

Richard 

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Promised Land

Dear Mr Ramaphosa 

I joined your electrifying (in a purely figurative sense) State of the Nation address rather late. 

I was delayed while compiling a letter of commiseration to Mr Malema. I agree with him that the barring of EFF politicians from disrup....., pardon, attending the address is undemocratic. I might add: racist, white-tendencied, bloody agent-like, counter revolutionary and also not nice. I am willing to kill and / or die (or all of the above) for the principle that highly paid, privileged legislators may behave like nyaope inspired hooligans if they so desire. Also that nyaope users may behave like honourable members if they so desire.

But, to the purpose of my letter. I was moved, inspired, intoxicated by your address - between brief power naps. I do not understand why some people responded negatively. I suppose that's what one can expect from recipients of white privilege,  who will complain at the slightest inconvenience e.g. rampant, brutal crime, occasional daily power outages, some regular corruption and other minor irritants.

What I'm really interested in is the country of which you spoke so poetically. The land of Tintswalo. It can't be the Western Cape, because that's run by that party whose sole preoccupation is to bring that Apartheid thing back from exile. Then we'll all be in worse shite than we already are. They disguise the intention and the activity by pretending to provide good services and law and order. Cunning. But, like the Daily Sun, some of us see through the subterfuge ('Die Son Sien Alles'). As for me, I was moved to tears of laugh..., I mean, joy and a bit of inexplicable retching.

Fascinating, this land of which you spoke, sir, flowing with the milk of government  kindness and the honey of money lavished on the people's most urgent needs. In some countries that would be  international court cases, statues, tender projects in progress, song and dance in council meetings. It so reminded me of the song Big Rock Candy Mountain. To honour your eloquence, here's an excerpt from White Rock Candy Mountain:

On a summer's day in the month of Feb,  the president came a walking
Down a carpet red, past the honour guard, his outfit smart and striking
As he strolled along he sang a song of a land of milk and money
Where Tintswalo grew and laughed and played in a garden oh so sunny

The opportunity and the BEE,  the gushing money fountain
Where the good stuff is  and a life of bliss in the white rock candy mountain

Sir, please provide more detail on the land of Tintswalo. 

Who would want to leave South Africa, with its glittering promise of peace, prosperity and harmony, its friendly people (just dive into X and see for yourself)  and visionary leadership in the ANC, EFF, Mkhonto weSisu and other progressive organizations.

But you have been to the mountain top (White Rock Candy Mountain) and seen the promised land. 

Who can resist?

Yours in the struggle and the long trek to the promised land.

Richard

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RIP Tintswalo

Dear Mr Ramaphosa 

 

I am very sorry to put a damper on your inspirational and eloquent State of the Nation address.

 

I tried to rush this message through to you earlier but was hampered by load shedding, which I know will end very soon. I thought that I should let you know that Tintswalo was tragically killed this morning. She was caught in a crossfire,   during a cash- in- transit heist, carried out by some heavily tattooed villains. 

The ambulance carrying her to a private hospital  was delayed by some strikers,  who blocked the road.  they also tried to pull her out of the ambulance. Perhaps she would have been better off being taken to a public hospital. Yes, she might have waited all day, but apart from that, I am sure that the service would have been excellent, as per the example that you gave last night. By the way, please do let us know where this unique public hospital is. It has to be the exception of exceptions. But these things do happen. 

After all, I've heard of Home Affairs officials who can organise documents with nice names like Lerato Ndlovu in a remarkably short time. Not sure whether it's a free service.

Incidentally, Mr Cele was right to focus on alcohol and illegal smoking during the lockdown period. The villains were reported to have been chugging on beers and chain smoking while discharging their AK47s and other weapons.  Loud gqom music almost drowned out the gunfire (I think he warned us about gqom, too).

This leaves Tintswalo's elderly parents in a rather difficult situation.  Of course the magnificent ten rand increase in their pensions is a great help.  But, as you know, prices tend to rise almost daily. I think that had they been receiving the R350 grant as well, they might have been able to open a flourishing ice cream or sandwich shop business.

Tintswalo's  mother collapsed while queuing for the third full day at Home Affairs to replace her lost identity document (lost during a minor mugging).This was after the ever-helpful security person told her that there is no special queue for seniors. "This is not SARS", he added helpfully. She has had some difficulty accessing various services as a result.  

Nevertheless, one hopes that the ever helpful Home Affairs officials will be able to assist her.  I know that they did a great job for some newly arrived immigrants from neighboring states.  Perhaps her local councillor can help as well, when he's not at a budget function or SALGA training to improve service delivery.

She is due to pay her fourth visit to her local clinic today and hopes to finally get to see a doctor or nurse. The clinic has been rather busy providing excellent services to a flood of investors from various countries. (Great how we attract investors across, or under, the border fences).

Tintswalo's  father is a graduate who paid his own way in the days before NSFAS. Unfortunately, despite Mr Patel's sterling efforts in trade and industry, his sector shrank dramatically and he was retrenched. His age was against his finding other employment. Well, you and I know that even young people can find employment only by divine intervention or that of relatives or blessers in government. For older people, the gates of the economy are firmly shut. I'm sure that, in the Uhuru to come that you spoke of last night, Mr Patel or some other energetic, innovative comrade will address that.

Mr Cele might want to attend Tintswalo's memorial service (may her soul rest in peace). It would be a great comfort to hear him speak of population growth, alcohol and other matters that give us hope in the darkest times. 

Sir, you yourself, if not occupied with some think tank or task group, might want to take the opportunity to campai.., pardon, comfort us. 

In addition to conveying the sad news, I wished to congratulate you on a confident, upbeat performance at the SONA.

So good to know that, apart from crime and corruption run wild, depthless bumbling, incompetence and waste, we are doing well. Mr Gigaba did once prophesy that "we gonna be alright".

One cannot but admire the unquenchable optimism of your Party. 

'Dreams are good friends', says the song. 

Particularly when you have alienated all others.

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Racist Perverts and the CIC

There is much to marvel at on X, as the 'best minds of our generation' unburden themselves of the deep things in their hearts and minds.

The tweet below should be compulsory reading for students of literature, philosophy and psychology.

"Twitter should bar racist fools and perverts from tagging the CiC's account!!because whenever they are bored from their lives characterised by denial of old fast approaching old age,erectile dysfunction and permanent sexual fantasies and they just tag CiC for attention."

I wonder what was said to trigger this clearly, carefully thought out analysis. Racism, perversion, erectile dysfunction, the dread of approaching old age, permanent sexual fantasies  - all deduced from brief comments on X. Man, you are as sharp as a cutthroat razor. You sound like a practising psychiatrist. I lose sleep over the volume of execrable stuff that oozes out on social media. Do you think you might be able to help me too, after analysis of this article? 

Yes, I can well imagine that some bugger in the thrall of perversion, permanent sexual fantasy and the other stuff, would look up from whatever perverse thing he or she was doing and exclaim:

"I know what! I'm going to tag the CIC's account. Ooh, the ultimate thrill. Pant, moan, gasp..."

I suppose tbe CIC is that sort of chap.

How well you know these perverse, racist types, sir. There's a whole niche practice for you there. You need to go out there and heal our land. Just a small point. If they have permanent sexual fantasies, could they be bored as well? Perhaps they are boring fantasies. You would know about this sort of stuff.

I certainly agree that they should not disturb the CIC with their racism, perversions etc. One doesn't disturb a high priest of the revolution with that sort of stuff. He has high priestly and revolutionary things to do that affect the fortunes, not only of South Africa, but also of Africa. The cul..., I mean, the organisation depends on it.

I have no doubt that you can spot racism a county away. It's all around us, isn't it? I'm reminded of a song (apologies for tinkering):

I feel it in my fingers,

I feel it in my toes,

Racism all around me,

It's everywhere I go.

Ooh, it's blowing in the wind

That's how the feeling goes.

Thank goodness for you eagle-eyed spotters of racism, erectile dysfunction, permanent sexual fantasies and other dire threats to the nation. Under the EFF, South Africa will be safe and serene.

Just as long as racist, old age dreading perverts keep their erectile dysfunction and permanent sexual fantasies to themselves.

Mr Musk, please act promptly.

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To Serve and to be Kind, Comrades

A 'bag lady' walks into the most elegant and expensive department in a well-known store. 

She gets the treatment that any well-off customer would get. A man of the cloth, who has been watching curiously, asks the sales assistant why she treated the lady with such patience and courtesy,  knowing that she was most unlikely to buy anything. The assistant replies:

 "Sir, we are here to serve and to be kind."

The cleric is so impressed that he makes the incident the subject of his Sunday sermon. He asks his congregation:

"Are you here to serve and to be kind?"

Dear South African civil servant, what would be your answer?  Dear Mr President, dear cabinet, dear MPs, what would be your answer?  

Staying with our store chain, a top executive visits one of the stores. As is customary,  a flock of senior staff accompanies him on his store walkabout. He peels off suddenly in mid-conversation  to serve a customer that he has spotted waiting.

 Let me follow time-honoured South African practice,  and state the obvious, as do our politicians and political commentators.  There are several self-evident truths. 

 1. The culture of a company,  government department or even a country is seen and felt only in encounters  between people. The rest is words. Of no value whatever.

 

 2. Nothing  teaches more effectively than example.  It's simple but it has never been easy.  Certainly a lot cheaper and of longer lasting impact than a six million rand state of the nation show.  Among others this is what managers, politicians and presidents are paid for. Handsomely. To set the best example.

 

There's more to the 'bag lady' story.

In the congregation that Sunday were a couple of journalists.  They wrote about the incident and the chain's brand, already strong, became legend.

 

The other obvious lesson is that, out of such  intangibles as values and vision, come the greatness of an organization, a country, a people. If they are lived consistently. It would be foolish to think that success comes without the other elements -  planning, competence, knowledge, among others. I suspect that we, and in particular our government score extremely poorly on all of these. Well, it's more than a suspicion.  The evidence Is all around. 

 

We have had citizens battered senseless by blue light bodyguards. We have a member of Parliament who simply drops her tray  to the floor on an aircraft because she, a great ANC MP,  cannot wait any longer for it to be collected.  We have the member of  ANC royalty, who, when questioned about the bewildering  circumstances around the acquisition of her driver's license, answered:

“I don’t have time to stand in queue. I am not required to stand in queues at airports and things.”

As they say in the adverts, there's more, much more.

 

Dear voters, out of such arrogance and indifference, you really expect caring service? 

I have not mentioned betrayals and blunders. But a leadership that never misses an opportunity to act unworthily and dishonourably in the little things, is going to lead you nowhere but to decay and disintegration.  No matter how great the promise of your organization or your country. A brand of shame.

That is a fact.

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O Tichmann 

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