Exam

 Dear Fellow South Africans 

We strive to keep education relevant. Here is a suggested grade twelve final examination paper.

Instructions:

This paper combines all subjects (math, life sciences etc) in one integrated me.., pardon, whole.

Marks will be awarded for creativity, regardless of how nonsensical the content is. This is in line with our national approach to logic, fact, commonsense and everything else. 

1. Discuss the importance of KFC as fuel for law enforcement officers and politicians.  Compare with Nandos with special reference to:

# cost

# taste

# accessibility 

2. Trace the progress of a KFC drumstick from the mouth of a JMPD officer, through his / her digestive system and beyond. 

3. List the advantages of the Eskom approach to finances and reality. (The list may be short).

4. Draw up an Excel spreadsheet, indicating the following tax revenue movements. You may use your imagination freely, as you are unlikely to far surpass actual movements:

*  barefaced theft

* subtle redeployment  of funds

 * losses incurred through laziness and /  or  incompetence. 

* losses difficult to explain, except via a Bermuda Triangle - type phenomenon 

5. Analyse the following verses of poetry:

. "I met with Zuma but I did not intend on meeting with Zuma as a meeting is not necessarily a meeting to meet individuals but rather a meeting intended to meet with him in a capacity that we had already met."

Discuss rhyme, metre, imagery and other elements that make this a powerful piece of bulls..., er, literature.

6. The piece above was penned by:

  a. William Shakespeare

  b. Dr Ace Magashule 

  c. Floyd Shivambu (in a lucid moment) 

  d. A raving lunatic

  e. Some of the above

7. State Capture can be described as:

a. A rather large garage sale

b. Just people talking to one another 

c. Just people doing things with one another 

d. The fantastical plot of an outlandish novel written with the express purpose of discrediting one of our more interesting politicians 

8. Geneva was liberated from Switzerland by

a. William Tell

b. Stella Ndabeni-Abrahams 

c. All of the above

9. Being slightly lacking in integrity is no obstacle to membership of an integrity commission. Discuss.

Quote freely from thinkers, such as Jessie Duarte, Tony Yengeni  and other party philosophers.

10. Discuss Mr Zuma's approach to strengthening Treasury, the security cluster and other departments. You may compare and contrast with the strategies of strong leaders such as Robert Mugabe, Emmerson Mnangagwa, Richard Nixon and Donald Trump 

11. 'Such larks (Pip)...' 

Use this line from Dickens's Great Expectations to explore and discuss the exciting times  of Mr Zuma's presidency

12.Compare and contrast the speed and progress of South Africa's revolution with that of Zimbabwe. 

Add a graph to portray the decl..., that is, your findings, visually / viscerally.

13.You are given a choice:

      a. A truckload  of food parcels

       b. A tender to train unemployed youth in the mysteries of state tenders           

       c. A dairy in the Free State 

Explain which option could be optimally milked for profit. Submit your rough work and calculations on the separate sheet of toilet paper provided 

14. Your municipality has been without water for a year. Fortunately, your new budget has been approved. 

 Using the Marie Antoinette approach to social and  economic challenges (let them drink wine), plan your budget function. Google may be used to identify fine wines and whiskies.

15. Enumerate the  benefits of renaming cities and streets in difficult times. Discuss whether this should be extended to people, animals and inanimate objects, and why.

16. Various politicians have threatened to spill the beans. Discuss the nutritional value of beans in a politician's diet

17. South African parliamentarians debated the meaning of the word 'fokol' during a memorable session. Using your knowledge of South African politics and stretching the limits of your imagination, explain:

1. Why this is an appropriate topic of debate for legislators 

2. Why this is a justifiable use of tax revenue 

3. The etymology of the word

4. How Shakespeare could have spiced up specific scripts by using the word as judiciously as did our parliamentarians.

18. 'Ours not to reason why;

        ours but to do and die..'

These lines commemorate:

a. The charge of the light brigade 

b. The charge of the slight brigade - South African cabinet ministers and MPs in recent times 

c. All of the above

I do hope that you do better than the servants of the people in this exam.

Yours in the struggle for relevant, thought  - provoking, manure - free education.

Richard

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