KZN Calling

 Dear Voters

I had an epiphany, an awakening, a life-changing experience, in the early hours of this very morning. 

A blinding flash of light (which turned out to be the Durban sunrise) burst upon my Netflix-quality dream of running battles with zama-zamas and sinister CIA agents. A voice, distinct and distinctive as that of Gwede Mantashe, intoned: 

"Arise and take your place in KZN politics".  I arose.

That's not really how it happened. But I'm as entitled to flights of imagination as are my hero-politicians. Writing is a wretched, thankless business and I have  decided to do something more lucrat..., I  mean, meaningful, with my life. I sense a calling. 

I notice that positions of influence and power in KZN and in The Party are 'ripe to harvest', so to speak.  Also that young, old (mainly old), adored, despised and hitherto unnoticed are all piling in.

I know that the bar is set very high in KZN. I have not been involved in interesting transactions involving millions and billions, yet. Nevertheless, I do meet and exceed the other criteria. I understand them to be, among others:

1. An extremely colourful track record. A dismally colourless one will also suffice.

 2. A genius for obscuring a zero (or minus) contribution to the well-being of one's constituents with many, many cliches, slogans and acronyms 

3. The mystical ability to state the obvious with the gravitas of an Old Testament prophet.

4. A gift for calling day night and night day with such evangelical fervour that the converts and acolytes are overtaken by transports of ecstasy. 

5. An absence of skaam cells so dire that it would kill a normal human being.

6. A sense of entitlement that would put medieval royalty to shame.

My time has come to cross the Rubicon and the Tugela. As is customary, I shall first seek wisdom from Mr Zuma. As is customary, I  shall then ignore it. 

In Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four, O'Brien tells Winston that "We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness".  This may be my final 'Scuffle' article but I expect that we shall meet in the place where there is no light.

Yours in the struggle not to be poor (acknowledgement to the comrade who coined this inspirational slogan).

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723