Learn From South Africa, Mr Putin

 Dear Mr Putin

I am dismayed at the rather dismal performance of your mighty army. 

Trains are still running in Ukraine. They have electricity more often than we do here in South Africa. Most railway stations have not been destroyed. There is no cable theft or rampant looting. I mean no disrespect but you guys have done a piss-poor job.

Then there's your propagand..., I .mean communication. It's crude, unsubtle and humourless. Our national broadcaster slips in jolly chunks of Party doggerel and Party shenanigans regularly and everyone here thinks it's regular news.  It's done with subtlety and style. You could learn something.  

Our politicians can talk the most bizarre gobbledygook  under the sun to rapturous applause and acclaim. Add some rhythmic dancing and a thrown bone of a t-shirt, a food parcel, a braai, and they are feted like rock stars of Southern African politics. One of them once tweeted about having landed, not on, but in the moon. The sort of utterance  that lands people in  institutions for  long spells. He's still in his ministerial job of covering up potholes in the roads or something. True story. Another displayed alarming ignorance of the differences between killing and dying. That would disqualify anybody from a job as a dog-walker, let alone a member of parliament. Our hero is field marshall, (or some equally absurd title) of a populist party, where his acolytes revere him as the Vikings did the Norse gods. Mr Putin, you have a lot to learn.

What's really noteworthy, for your circumstance, is that our lot destroyed an entire country without firing a single shot in anger. 

Sir, you really should get in touch with our chaps. I'm sure they'll be delighted to help. You are held in warm regard in some quarters  - I think it's your bubbly personality and keen sense of humour. Some, I suspect, think of you as The Great White Father Across The Sea.

Yours in the struggle for military and political ascendancy.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

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O Tichmann 

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