Rumours of Terror

 Dear Fellow South Africans 

I would have believed the Sandton terror alert more readily if Mr Fraser had issued it. 

This is a man who can spot, from 100 kilometres away, a dollar bill folded into the recesses of a Sealy Posturepedic mattress, or an overstuffed La-Z-Boy recliner.

A clutch of cryptic, sometimes contradictory, comments issued forth from the authorities. One report was about a covert operation poised to pounce on a terrorist cell. Very credible. See July 2021.  My teenaged nephew could have told that trouble was brewing, back then.  Actually, he did: "These ous are going to cause k..k." My teenaged niece could have told of the sinister chatter on social media. Even our neighbourhood psychic, Madam Zuzu, while shopping at Woolworths, heard eerie voices whisper "we see you!" and "ziyakhala!". As for our intelligence agencies, I'm not sure that some of them would recognize a terrorist cell if they stuck a limpet mine on their dimpled butts.

Then there were the usual mindless, knee-jerk reactions from our anti-American, pro-Russian comrades. A sort of tiresome, tuneless bleating like Animal Farm's "Four legs good, two legs better." This one goes something like: "Americans bad, Russians wonderful comrades."  Dear Comrades, if only life were that simple! 

At any rate, my advice to would-be terrorists is: 'don't bother. We have people who have already comprehensively buggered up the country. There's not much left for any terrorist worth his salt to bugger up. 

Yours in the struggle against terrorism and rumours thereof.

Richard

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