Viva EFF

"Besides spending close to R4million buying food hampers, two plate stoves etc in the recent by elections in KZN, The EFF hired a helicopter for 4 days costing hundreds of thousands to shuttle Floyd Shivambu around diffrent venues in the area. After all this The EFF was TOTALLY rejected by the people. Question is where is all this money coming from

We need truly caring , hardworking public officials who don’t only show up during elections- we r gatvol"

From the ever-dependable Twitterati newsfeed.

Dear EFF Comrades

Could this be true? 

If so, I am devastated at the news that all of your efforts were in vain. I,  like many others,  am enchanted by your strategies and policies that will ensure lots of free stuff for us all. I understand that that includes our fence crawling  brothers from other parts of the continent. 

More importantly, I come not to scoff but to help. (Except insofar as the  slang meaning of 'scoff' applies, i.e. 'eat). I don't believe that you have visited our  suburb. I'm sure that I would have heard the helicopter. Unless of course I mistook it for the police helicopter that rattles over so frequently.

Now, if you come this way, I believe that I can be of great assistance. All that I would ask in return is one of those food parcels with a bundle of notes tucked into it. You could afford that easily because you would not need a helicopter here. We have minibus taxis galore. Fares are quite reasonable for the times that we are in. Some of them will get you to your destination much quicker than any expensive helicopter would. You would certainly have my vote. I believe that that is a substantial improvement on zero votes. Should the bundle of notes be of a thickness that allows for generosity, I  could also guarantee you some votes from friends who are going through difficult times. Not as a bribe,  you understand. Rather as a foretaste of things to come when you ascend the steep staircase of power. Should you not have sufficient cash on hand, my VBS account details are below. 

Someone was concerned about where the money is coming from. I believe that it is far more useful to focus on where the money would be going to. I agree that we need caring, hardworking officials. And yes, you have set a good example. It is hard, exacting work flying around in helicopters, assaulted by the noise of motors, buffeted around by KZN winds and fighting nausea. Floyd must have been exhausted.  But happy in the knowledge that he was doing his bit to fight poverty, oppression, WMC, Stratcom, colonial clerks, Jan van Riebeeck, bloody agents, white tendencied counterrevolutionnaries and the CIA. 

Yes we are indeed gatvol of officials who only show up during elections. Unless of course they pad those food parcels with bundles of cash. Why should our president be the only one to have fun with bundles of cash?

Do let me know when you are available for a campaign. I am providing a similar service to several political parties. Nonetheless,  I am sure that I can fit you in.  After all, who would not want to lend a hand to the party of the poor and the downtrodden? Just a point of order sir. I would take all of those two-plate stoves and food hampers back from those people so ungrateful as to not return a quo for your quid. Let the manipulative buggers braai. You will not find me so ungracious. 

Yours in the struggle for a caring, hardworking approach to political office.

Richard 

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