ANC KZN provincial secretary Bheki Mtolo says that the province will have a cleansing ceremony as they believe that the high murder rate is caused by bad spirits dating back to the Anglo Boer war. Jacob Zuma,Willies Mchunu and Sazi Mhlongo will be at the forefront of this program'
From a news report.
Dear Messrs Mtolo, Zuma and Other Concerned Comrades
There have been many wars in KZN. People of all hues beat, stabbed and shot the hell out of one another for many turbulent years. Typical of the white spirits to be the ones raising hell, while the others are getting on with their normal spirit lives. I imagine that that would include imparting wisdom to the comrades, such as you are now demonstrating. Also warning them in apocalyptic, technicolour dreams of the catastrophic consequences for a country when leaders stray off the paths of duty and service. Choosing instead the muddy, pig-dropping strewn lanes of greed, corruption, indulgence, buffoonery and neglect. Of course, none of that happens here. I am sure that while these white spirits run amok, those of duskier hue are shaking their spectral heads in disgust and disapproval. Just by the by, I hope that it's not an intake of white spirits that led your team to this remarkable revelation.
I can see the paid assassins, murderers, thieves and robbers, once delivered, by your ceremony, shaking themselves as if awakening from a dream. The inkabi (paid assassin), flings from him the AK47 and blood money of some R10 000. He rushes to confess to the intended target that a rival politician has unfriendly intentions. Likewise, armed robbers stop their charge into a mall, drop their weapons and prostrate themselves in abject apology before startled shoppers. Rapists turn up for therapy, druglords turn up at Sunday services.
I love the way you comrades think. What could more effectively free us from the chains of grinding poverty and the horrors of rampant crime than a few magnificent statues from flood relief funds and this spirit- klapping ceremony. I trust that there will be plenty of well- seasoned meat to consume. Perhaps a shot or two to knock back? I will not shrink from doing my part in the spiritual battle. As an extra-mile contribution, I'll happily hoover up some (inevitable) tenders at the usual, carefully calculated rates. Down with white spirits, I say! Phansi! (The exception being the bottled sort). I can offer my experience gained as Spirit Controller at a Merebank company that manufactured cane, gin and vodka from molasses. Of course I know that it's a different sort of spirit we're dealing with here. But what the heck, say I. If you can control one lot, you can control them all.
I am glad to see Mr Zuma at the forefront of another enlightened initiative. Has he not had his share of spirit harrassment? Troubles over firepools, charges, debts; targeted by journalists, prosecutors, malicious descendants of said white spirits - the list of trials and travails is long. And what has he done, as he once asked? Ruled the country with great wisdom, transforming SARS, the security cluster and other important entities. Why, we were on the threshold of Uhuru before he was unceremoniously advised to retire. How we long for the days of no crime, scandal or suffering of any kind. Come back, Mr Zuma, all is forgiven. We'd just need you to attend your corruption trial first - in full. Your diligent daughter, Dudu, seemed to intimate that some Pale Ones (possibly CIA aided and inspired?) are behind the recent tornado carnage - if I understood her intriguing tweets. These spirits must be stopped, sir. You are the man to lead the charge.
Mr Cele is confronting the challenges of alchohol, tattoo and population growth-fuelled crime. You are dealing with malignant Boer and English spirits. How can we lose?
South Africans, particularly the poor, are ecstatic.
Yours in the struggle against spirits of caucasoid persuasion.
Richard
Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted
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