Superior Intelligence

 'This week, two ministers gave differing accounts on whether the SSA presented the police with intelligence' - from a news website

Dear Mr Cele 

I am concerned about the quality of intelligence that you are receiving. The Mann Enterprise for Resolving Dire Emergencies (MERDE) stands ready to assist. More than I can say for....,sorry, that slipped out.

We have access to unconventional but superior intelligence sources. What's more, they are actually intelligent. Madam Zuzu, our neighbourhood psychic had several visions before the current madness. I did not pay her sufficient attention, as she was halfway through a bottle of gin. She had a vision of livestock being carried through the streets.  Also one of a very hungry man watching Masterchef Australia on a brand new big-screen TV. Had I remembered that she accurately and consistently predicted the outcome of most Bafana matches, I would have paid more attention.

We tried to get in touch with a South African celebrity, celebrated for incisive analysis. Unfortunately he was occupied with analysing incidents of cheating on partners. Deep stuff, apparently.

Fortunately, I was able to spend time with our local political commentator, Peter Pompies, over a beer (purchased before the liquor ban). In the measured diction and precise academic language one has come to expect, he said: 'Hier gaan k.k kom". 

Sir, we are ready to share this kind of valuable information with you, going forward. Or backward, depending on how things are handled in your circles.

Yours in the struggle for superior intelligence.

Richard