"Gang of robbers storms army base, steals tanks and armoured vehicles."
At the rate we're going (downhill), this fictional report isn't as ludicrous as it seems at first reading.
"The robbers went on to rob, then flatten a couple of nearby shopping malls. The president was shocked and had to be revived with smelling salts from a certified BBBEE supplier. Mr Cele said that police would work day and night to establish whether the robbers had valid licenses for the army vehicles. Also whether there was a link to allegedly racist killings that occurred recently." (Report by MERDE: Mann Establishment for Resolving Dire Emergencies).
It is going to be well nigh impossible to write fiction about South Africa. There is no more disbelief to suspend willingly. Anything is now possible. And probable. Alice in Wonderland was a sober, academic treatise by comparison.
This follows reports about the storming of a police station in Limpopo (where else?). The number of robbers waxed and waned from thirty to ten, depending on which report one read. A spokesperson with a genius for stating the blindingly obvious contributed the following:
'Services at the police station were temporarily affected during the armed robbery.'
It probably would be a little awkward to continue writing out affidavits with a gun to one's head.
"The SAPS can now confirm that the police station is now fully functional and accessible to members of the public.",
Not sure I'd be burning with eagerness to seek their services after that episode.
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