Grateful Dead

Dear Home Affairs 

According to TV news, a gentleman is struggling to prove that he is alive because your records have him down as having departed this vale of tears. 

I feel for him. I also go with the Chinese notion that crisis equals opportunity. His crisis, my opportunity. I herewith, hereby and forthwith apply to be declared dead until further notice. This would give me a respite from creditors and other stressful life issues. My WhatsApp and Facebook status will be edited accordingly.

Please do not respond with the standard government issue stuff about the difficulties involved. I have done my homework. This gentleman is not the first. You have handled the recording of deaths with great efficiency and aplomb. Could we please proceed without delay. 

I am sure that many politicians and public servants would benefit from this service. There are whole departments in the state apparatus that have shown no signs of life for some time.

One issue troubles me. A gentleman complained that he cannot travel. We live in a woke world. Why should the dead be discriminated against? I don't see why any dead person, with appropriate documentation, should not be allowed to travel where the spirit moves him / her. I am willing to take the knee for that. Or go full length. The Grateful Dead have never suffered travel restrictions. Racism? Yes we, in South Africa, are cemeteries ahead of the rest of the world with our DEE practices (Dead Employment Equity). It's been reported that dead people have voted, drawn salaries and won tenders. Proud to be South African. Let's just fix the travel thing.

 

I will notify you when I am ready to rejoin the living. Assuming, of course, that the rehearsal doesn't transition  into opening night in the interim. 

Yours in the struggle for some peace, if not in life, at least in temporary death.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

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