Instead of mocking our TV news channels, I thought I'd try to see things from their viewpoint.
I imagine that these are some of their guidelines (quite reasonable, don't you think?).
Speaking English correctly is overrated. As is variety in pitch, pace and tone, when reporting. Just get the words in.
There is no need to get all technical and pedantic in interviews and ask all sort of complicated questions. Keep it simple (and) stupid.
Very little of interest or significance happens in the world outside of South Africa. Oh yes, there's the odd looming global conflict and we can give that a few minutes. That Russian business, for example. No point in involving ourselves too deeply. Russia's quite far away.
On some (or many) issues, it's not really necessary to hear both sides. That audi alteram partem stuff is fine for stuffy courtrooms. For our viewers, it just muddies the waters unnecessarily.
Don't allow reporters to poke their noses too deeply into other people's business. It's not polite.
The more closely your reporters resemble mannequins with microphones the better.
Viewers are deeply interested in long, lingering items on funerals.
There's a lot of unimportant stuff to avoid boring viewers with: fresh corruption scandals, government bungling, horrific crime, serious and building conflicts, unresolved national issues and scores of unanswered questions. Leave the oh so serious documentries and investigations to the BBC.
Keep it lighthearted (and lightheaded). Think of the wonderful attitude and example of the band on the Titanic.
Viewers love Tik Tok snippets and anything inconsequential, meaningless or mediocre. Don't challenge them or disturb their sweet slumber.
It's unfortunate that we can't get people of the calibre of Jeffrey Dahmer and Jack The Ripper to give their considered views on integrity, morality and other stuff. We keep trying.
Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted
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