Van Riebeeck Made Me Do It

 Dear Fellow South Africans 

I watched a tense thriller called 'The Curse Of The One-Legged Man With A Long Grey Beard'. It was tense and thrilling  (as I wrote in my weekly movie critic's column in The Durban South Spectator). The story revolved around a curse passed down through several generations.

This thought-provoking, cinema nouveau classic provoked some thinking. I read Mr Zuma's incisive analysis of the root causes of crime in South Africa and have often wondered whether we are under the curse of Jan Van Riebeeck. If Mr Zuma is to be believed  (and why not?), this bugger illegally imported crime into South Africa. He also brought 82 men and 8 women.  I assume these to have been the lowest sort of scoundrels, ready to do the bidding of their criminal mastermind. And so the curses of crime, buffoonery, incompetence, slothfulness and corruption descended upon the pure soil of South Africa. And here they remain to this day.

Should you be tempted to scoff, let me point out that Mr Zuma's rigorous research is well supported. Another noted historian, Ms Mbete, made similar claims (see Al Jazeera interview). As do many reputable Twitter historians. Who am I to differ? I barely got through high school history.

Further evidence, anecdotal but compelling. A friend told me this intriguing tale over a bottle of Hennessy. He was window shopping at the local liquor store, when a supernatural event took place. A voice clear as an SABC reporter's, uttered these words: " Neem de fles Hennessy, mijn vriend" ("Take the bottle of Hennessey, my friend"). As in a trance, he redeployed the bottle to one of the inner pockets of his greatcoat (pockets he normally uses for documents). As my friend knows no Dutch, I must believe him. As I must believe Mr Zuma and Ms Mbete. Of course, I immediately stopped drinking the Hennessey and switched to coffee.  Not the Van Riebeeck instant, but the Jacobs (favoured in KZN).

I believe that the curse is as real as the many conspiracies hatched against Dr Ace, Mr Zuma and other heroes. 

Yours in the supernatural struggle against ancient curses.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

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