Prison To President

Dear Mister Trump.

I was both alarmed and inspired at the dramatic pictures of your  valiant scuffles with New York's finest. 

Of course, it was all AI generated stuff,  I discovered, after having called the US Embassy to protest at your treatment. I bet that, had it been real, you would have shown those lefty minions a thing or two. You did show them a clean pair of heels in one of the pictures. Now that's the sort of president that a modern country needs. Thought in action and action in thought and all that. Boldness in both.

Based on those pictures alone, we would have invited you to take on the role down here in South Africa. After all we elected a chap for two terms based on his dancing ability. You see, we know what really matters in leadership. Unfortunately, our warm, firm, fraternal  friendship with the comrades  across the Bering Sea precludes such an arrangement.  Also many of our people, particularly distinguished Twitter intellectuals, see your country as the Great Satan. Quite a generous and helpful Satan, but a Satan nevertheless.

There is something quite ominous, though, about the timing of those pictures. As Secretary-General of the TWAT group (Trump Will Again Triumph), I thought it prudent to do some precautionary research. This is just in the event that you do end up as a  distinguished guest of the state. Here is the good news. Your countryman, a Mister Debs, campaigned from his prison cell, back in 1920.  He garnered almost 3% of the vote. Now Mister Debs,  with all due respect, was a nobody compared to you. You had the wholehearted support of such patriots as the Proud Boys. I bet that even the Humble Boys, if they exist, would give a testicle for you. Or part thereof. Many solid citizens see you as the best thing since low GI sliced bread. 

I saw the martyred, noble profile of Mister Debs in his mugshots. Picture your own mugshot - determined chin jutting forward, lips pursed to issue commands, eyes gazing at a distant horizon, orange hair in place. What a campaign poster!  A memorable slogan such as 'Stone  walls do not a prison make' would complete the deal.

Mr Lula of Brazil went from prison to president. Mr Mandela went from prison to president. Mr Zuma went from president to prison -  oops, sorry, let's  skip that one. So there is much potential in this prison scenario. If those men could do it, Good Lord, what could not  a determined patriot like you do?  What's more, you would top all those achievements by being the first president actually domiciled and officed

in prison. (There's something about working from home).

 

The drama of your State of the Nation address from a prison cell would be the stuff of Hollywood legend. I see you perched on your striped blanket, flanked by characters with memorable names such as Fingers Finnegan, Machine Gun Malone and Two Ton Tony. Your sonorous 'My fellow Americans' would roll out to a  haunting acapella background rendition of 'We Shall Overcome' and 'Let My People Go'. Cheers and wolf whistles  from your fellow Americans in the institution would raise the patriotic hairs on even bald American citizens. Cameras would capture fervent two-finger and middle finger salutes. Moments to savour and remember. 

Sir we in the city of Durban have been paying a salary of some R45,000 per month, for the last 10 months or so, to a city councilor awaiting trial for the murder of his predecessor.  Proof enough that a prison sentence in modern times is not an insurmountable obstacle for the man, or woman, or trans, of ambition and vision. 

So, there we have it, sir. We can make some sparkling lemonade out of the lemons that are being flung at you.

I am available as a consultant (working from the outside, of course). Fees can be negotiated and you will find me more than reasonable ('desperate' has been used), particularly as I am currently unemployed and engaged in writing real news to counter the flood of fake stuff that you boldly identified some time ago. 

Yours in the struggle fought from within.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

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O Tichmann 

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