An American friend told me of a news item she'd seen about pit toilets in Limpopo. She was almost as shocked as our president often is.
It is good to know that our reputation as torch bearer of compassionate democracy on the African continent has reached even the shores of that great Satan the USA .
I know that people unkindly compare the amount of money spent on making our great leaders comfortable to the amount spent on problems such as these. South Africans must understand that there is a logic to spending millions on ministerial swimming pools, household intercom systems and leaking roofs. Bloody cruel, callous and selfish, yes, but still logical.
How shall the Honourable Ones steer the ship of state if raindrops keep falling on their heads? Or they cannot order a gin and tonic via the house intercom system? How can they be expected to make the innovative, bold decisions that improve the lives of all South Africans if they are to be troubled by load shedding? The R454 000 reportedly spent on installing a generator for a minister, the 2.1 million spent on diesel - why those are mere crumbs weighed up against the invaluable body of work that the Honourable Ones have done to transform South Africa.
Some compare the money spent on protecting politicians to the amounts spent on fighting rampant crime. Of course our leaders must be protected. Who knows what black-hearted villains lurk out there, just waiting to superimpose leaders' faces on pornographic material? As happened recently. I fell into a dead faint at the thought of Mr Ramaphosa and Mr Cele's heads misused in such gross fashion. This is the sort of thing that leads to the collapse of civilizations. In fact pornographic graffiti showing Caesar in uncaesarlike like poses is said to have hastened the fall of Rome. Maximus Rudis, vile graffiti artist was responsible. He was apprehended by a brilliant centurion, Celsius Bhekus. the Roman forerunner to Sherlock Holmes. He received his just reward at the sharp end of a lion's incisors. Just as our own lion of the law, Mr Cele, pounces regularly on villains of every description, keeping us safe and secure. And will probably pounce on this villain threatening the security of the state with fake pornographic material. These and other fascinating facts can be found in my new book The Role of Celsius Bhekus, Fixus Umbilicus and the Emperor Zero in the fall of Rome. Available at all reputable bookshops and zol outlets. Incidentally, I have yet to write the book but that should be a doddle. I intend to seek support from a noted patron of the arts - Herman, Lerman - something like that.
As for the minister of electricity, he deserves every cent that he earns (apparently a Zuma-perplexing amount of cents). In truth, he should be awarded a massive bonus, similar to the sort of stuff that Eskom staff receive for their sterling performance in keeping the lights on intermittently. The man who made the earth-shattering discovery that a reliable supply of electricity will ultimately lead to the end of load shedding deserves the sort of plaudits that an Einstein or Newton would receive. Shedding light into the dark corners of a conundrum that has vexed mankind since the dawn of time. Who knows but that his next epiphany would be that a reliable supply of common sense and conscience will ultimately lead to the end of ANC horse manure.
R400 000 was allegedly spent to eliminate pests at the home of one of our hero-politicians. Now while industry experts are said to have asserted that the job could have been done for R5,000, I do not think that they understand the tenacity of pests in the homes of politicians. I suspect that the pests still exist in numbers. No doubt it will take many billions more before they are finally removed. An event that many, many South Africans look forward to with great longing. In the meantime we shall have to endure their chirping and nibbling at everything in sight. There is an extremely effective pesticide on the market but South Africans are yet to learn to use it effectively. Voters Choice it is called. Together with the eco-friendly solutions, Civic Action and Democratic Action, this pesticide has been known to remove the most stubborn vermin. Unfortunately, the use of these solutions has been severely restricted on the African continent. One hopes that that will change as people become thoroughly - to put it elegantly - gatvol of the havoc wreaked by pests.
Yours in the struggle for logical, fair, compassionate distribution of state funds.
Richard
Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted
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