The festive season beckons. I once more sought out some expert advice on a jolly South African Christmas menu.
"What is on the menus of our revered politicians?" I asked several famous chefs. "They of the discerning palates and gently rounded midsections."
"You must try our richly flavoured offal broth", said a KZN chef.
Seeing my doubtful expression, he explained enthusiastically.
"Offal is hugely underrated and unjustly despised. Yet everywhere you go in KZN, offal is on the menu. Politicians and voters alike love it and gobble it up at every opportunity. You could say that KZN is full of offal."
"Our broth", chimed in his partner. "Is a hearty, slightly fiery marriage of finely chopped offal, shallots and KZN's finest chillies. Fire in your belly", he smiled. "And a riot of flavours in your mouth."
"I see you", I replied.
"Our fish", said the Western Cape chef. "Is the champion. Some politicians favour the more delicate flaky flesh. Personally I find it just a little bland and uninspiring."
He paused and stabbed at a flopping fish with a stubby finger for emphasis.
"I prefer the firmer flesh that can be eaten off an intact backbone",.
he said.
"More flavour, more character."
"Some people", his colleague said. "Would like us to use less white wine in the preparation." He shrugged. "It's the flavour of the Cape."
On the subject of white wine, some of the witty set have taken to calling it Cape Whine and make silly jokes about Western Cape politicians whining and dining.
"Fillet of Ankole", said the next chef I spoke to, nodding emphatically.
"Similar texture to buffalo, but infinitely richer in flavour. It's almost as expensive as Kobe beef and needs to be savoured slowly, very slowly.
"A sort of dining long game", I said.
He nodded.
He steadfastly refused to disclose the ingredients that are used in the mystery marinade. "Some things should remain secret", he said with an enigmatic smile. "Ideally, he added. "One should enjoy this dish with eyes closed, so as not to be distracted from the many subtle flavours. Eskom load-shedding provides the perfect ambience."
Chefs from the smaller and newer parties had great difficulty explaining cooking methods and ingredients. They seemed to to be experimenting with a South African variation on gumbo. I tried a few spoonfuls. For my taste, a very awkward, sometimes unhappy courtship of flavours. One hopes that they hit on the right formula in time for Christmas.
Mzanzi mess a variation on Eton mess (Limpopo bananas substituted for strawberries) is a popular dessert with some populist politicians. They will often invite friends from across the border to enjoy the mess with them. Diners have been known to break into spontaneous dancing and singing after a mouthful of mess.
As as for drinks, bloody Marys for some of our energetic populists, Russian Bear for other comrades. The DA people will probably stick with the Cape whine.
Lass es schmecken!
Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted
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