The People Shall Party

 Dear Mr Malema 

The White Monopoly Controlled media have been at it again with lurid headlines about cash, condoms, expensive liquor and the people's CIC. They have no skaam cells.

Even if any of this is true, what's the  point of leading a party if one can't party from time to time?  Even that degenerate neo-colonialist Boris Whatisname knew that. How much more does not a principled party of the underprivileged deserve to kick back, and knock back a few 20 year old scotches while discussing  dialectical materialism? And chuckling drunkenl..., sorry, merrily at the Afriforum jokes. Why should the Brits and the ANC have all the fun?  After all you're not the ACDP, sipping guava juice and making small talk. You are red blooded revolutionaries of whom Chè would have been proud. Indeed, he would be bursting with pride.

Marching on dark dens of counter-revolution, schools and old age homes is thirsty work. What do people expect a world-renowned CIC to drink - chibuku?  I can see the headlines from the same sensation seeking news media - 'Malema Chugs Chibuku'.  Imagine the humiliation of having a smug BBC presenter pronounce that 'Mr Maleema was said to have downed several cartons of Cheebookoo at a party for the party'.

No, the champion of the poor deserves far better. Rank and revolutionary struggle have their privileges. 

Much has been made of the condoms. People should keep their minds off the seamy side. Their smutty imaginations probably conjured  up visions  of arms and legs waving in the air, underwear strewn around, pants, moans, groans, grunts, yelps, loins....., I think you get the idea. Do they not know that condoms have many uses beyond the obvious? Finger warmers, soft thimbles, cute mini-balloons, are but a few. I've heard that the lubricant is good for arthritis.

At any rate, you are supposed to have once said that a revolutionary is a walking, killing machine. I think that modesty restrained you from saying  'walking, killing, lovemaking machine'.

As for the cash, well, the sofas need pumping up, don't they?

Sir, I would investigate  the leaking of this information  (or depraved, debauched ramblings of the decadent WMC puppets)  as rigorously as you scrutinize racist shampoo advertisements. I can tell you now that evidence of white tendencies and DA and CIA involvement are a very real possibility. Bloody agents abound.

Yours in the struggle for work / life balance and good, clean fun.

Richard 

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