Ms Mkhwebane And KFC

 Dear Fellow South Africans 

Like you, I am horrified at allegations and revelations spilling out of the "Public Protector Inquiry".

To whit: "Her bodyguards were poisoned she claimed but it turns out they ate too much KFC!" This from a tweet. 

This is the kind of conspiracy theory that will destroy this great country. There is no such thing as too much KFC. See the excerpt below from a report of not so long ago

"Premier Sylvia Lucas's office on Sunday defended the use of her government credit card to purchase over R50 000 on fast food during her first 10 weeks in office."

I am sure that, with MS Lucas being a politician of substance and a person of wisdom; discretion and discernment, KFC would have made up a significant proportion of the fast-food purchases. After all, she dispensed this nugget of nutritional wisdom

"We need Powerade for the energy, you know," she was quoted as saying.

It is widely known that KFC has the same beneficial effect. To what else can one attribute the sterling performance of our law enforcement officers and politicians?

This deep-fried Southern delicacy played a role in a revolutionary prison reform experiment. Another excerpt from not so long ago:

"Gauteng Community Safety MEC, Sizakele Nkosi-Malobane, has defended her decision to spend more than R60,000 of taxpayers’ money treating prisoners to a KFC meal, after pictures of her handing out the food went viral on social media, according to a report by The Star.

Despite many commenters pointing that ordinary, innocent South Africans could not afford the luxury of fast food, Nkosi-Malobane said that the decision was made due to cost factors and to remind prisoners of the benefits of the outside world."

I can see convicted rapists and murderers falling to their knees in repentance at the first explosion of  eleven-secret-herbs-and-spices flavour in their mouths.  I see them turning to charitable works and lives of selfless service.

This gem from Ms Lucas:

"How would we have eaten if we didn't use taxpayers' money?"

Now that deserves a place on a plaque on every ANC wall. And as an epitaph on the tombstone of the Great Liberation Movement.

Spokesperson for the premier’s office Monwabisi Nkompela said Lucas’s spending was “not excessive” and was “totally blown out of proportion”.

Large amounts of KFC can blow things out of proportion, as the many beach-ball shaped stomachs attest.

I am sorely disappointed that the panel did not shine a laser light  on the KFC conspiracy. Yes, yes, there were intriguing e-mails, interesting  cash disbursements, unusual public relations initiatives and other delightful matters to spend many jolly hours on. Still, it's a matter of priorities. When will we wake up to the truth that this country runs on KFC? (Also vegetarian curries, for a while, some say). As long as we ensure that there is a deep-fried, deeply spiced chicken in every pot, all will be well.

We are what we eat. 

I have not been paid in kind by KFC for this article. Therein lies another travesty of justice.

Yours in the struggle for justice and the odd drumstick.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

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