Dear Mr Zuma
I trust that regular swims in the firepool and bracing dance routines are keeping you fit and in unfailing good humour.
Your enemies in Stratcom, WMC and the CIA, even in this season of peace and goodwill, are hard at their dirty work. My reasonable duty is to warn you, lest Mr Fraser and Mr Manyi have been lulled into lethargy by helpings of turkey and brandy-soaked fruitcake.
An excerpt from the cheeky utterances of someone from the Zuma group of restaurants:
“Zuma is not affiliated or connected with the Durban restaurant in any manner,” the statement read.
Well, thank goodness for that.
“A dispute is in progress between Zuma and the Durban restaurant and Zuma plans to take legal action regarding the trademark.”
It's a bit confusing as to which Zuma plans to take legal action. If not you, sir, I suggest that you engage Mr Mpofu without delay. This is a thinly veiled attack on your former-presidential self. How dare they talk of legal action? Did they seek permission to use your family name? A name that surely rolled off tongues through many centuries. A Zuma must have been present at iSandlwana, administering spear thrusts to assorted redcoats. Or perhaps supervising from a strategically located hilltop. Long before that, too. And they have the barefaced cheek to say that 'Zuma was co-founded in 2002 and Zuma London, the first restaurant to open, remained the brand’s home base.'
It would not surprise me to learn that there are ancient links between the Aztec Zumas and your esteemed family. It's not inconceivable that one or the other group went slightly off course during a fishing or hunting expedition and landed on the shores of the other. Your bearing and features have often had me wondering. Apparently, the Aztec name Zuma means Lord Frowns In Anger and I imagine that you are, even now, frowning in anger at the insolence of these upstarts.
Sir, I suggest that you register the Msholozi trademark soonest, before Msholozi Restaurant chains spring up in Melbourne, Paris and Tokyo. Just yesterday, I heard a mall Santa going 'Heh, Heh, Heh' instead of 'Ho, Ho, Ho'. You need to register that trademark chuckle, too.
The offending article went on to say that:
'In 2022, Zuma opened a first-of-its-kind lifestyle concept in Mykonos, offering a wider day-to-night experience for guests including DJ sets, a chic infinity pool, floating pool beds and multiple menus for lunch, sunset bites and dinner.'
Let them beat this: In 2009, Mr Zuma opened a first-of-its-kind political comedy concept, offering a wider entertainment experience for all South Africans, including dancing, a unique firepool and multiple high jinks on any given day No contest.
The Zuma brand is unique and valuable. Your daughter knows this. I would not allow this brazen hijacking thereof.
Yours in the struggle for trademark protection.
Richard
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