The Cele Conundrum

 Dear Mr Cele 

More people  = more crime. So obvious.

Why did we not pick this up earlier?Thank goodness for your beautiful mind.

Population growth, you pointed out, is a prime reason for your failu...., I mean, difficulties in the struggle against rampant crime. Ah, then China and India must be drowning in rape and murder, I thought. Not that simple, as you explained. China has a policeman on every corner, quoth you. That's a lot of corners and a helluva lot of coppers.

We do fall within the UN recommendation for police officer to citizens ratio. I suppose that's irrelevant though, when there's crime on every corner. Let's not talk about police quality  as I'm sure that our KFC-crunching officers compare with the best. Apart from that, the UN are not God, Ms Mbete once pointed out. It is interesting that we fare better than Mother Russia as regards the ratio. That's probably why their criminals are running amok internationally.

These nuggets from your thorough research and fertile, analytical mind will be invaluable to our police on the beat in some corners of the land. You will be pleased to know that a very experienced friend of mine agrees with you. He was being mugged for the fourth time when he asked his assailants why they were beating him when they already had his wallet. 

"Population growth, bruh", growled one of the villains, sinking a fist into his midsection.

"By golly", he thought, just before passing out. "Mr Cele was right".

And that was a comfort.

No doubt you will be in iinternational demand to lecture on the Cele Conundrum. I imagine that Joe Biden has already called:

"Mr Ramaposer, we'd love to have your Mr Sele over to lecture the FBI. By the way, those war games with the Reds....."

You've done your homework, sir. Alcohol, tattoos and now unprotected sex - the three horsemen of the near-collapse.

We now await your inevitably,  equally dazzling tactics and strategies to defeat the curse of crime.

Yours in the struggle against population growth-driven crime.

Richard   

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

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