And Justice For All

 Dear Mr Trump

Like our own Mr Zuma, you have been hard done by. Under different  circumstances you would have been revered like Lincoln or the fellow with the wooden teeth. Those different circumstances being, for instance, If you hadn't done some weird, unpresidential stuff or been born into the Lincoln family.

 Mr Zuma faced about 800 corruption charges since about 2016. After much muddy water under an assortment of  bridges, he now faces some sixteen charges. I don't know whether some charges went into an 'all of the above' sort of general category. 

The point, sir, is that you reportedly face some 34 charges. Using the formula arising out of our enlightened approach to prosecution (112 charges 'expiring' per year), why sir, your slate would be wiped clean in just over three months. You see the method in my seeming madness, Mr  President? 

Your chances in our advanced system are far greater than those in your antiquated, medieval American system. All that you need to do is to argue that your only prospect of getting a truly fair trial is in a sh...hole  country like ours. Methinks a solid, rational argument, hard to refute. We could do a temporary swop with Zuma, a  statesman with so many similar skills and ways that many of your compatriots will not even realize that you  are  absent. And he sings and dances as well as you do.

Incidentally, Mr Zuma's playbook  of appeals and lawsuits  might be helpful to you. We have it, from unreliable  sources, that he plans to sue The Almighty next. You will enjoy our broadminded, decolonised, robust approach to trials. A lawyer once reportedly accused a judge of witchcraft. Bet you don't have such esoteric, intellectual arguments in your courts.

We do still use some Latin, to good effect. Example:

"Your Honour, I don't know what to say about this....this f@#$%d up situation."

I think you'll feel quite at home with that.

By the way, we don't  have the electric chair, but that's a moot point. We don't have electricity either.

I, for one, look forward to your wiping the floor with those (leftist? communist? pinko liberal?) legal types.

Yours in the struggle for justice for all.

Richard 

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