Class of 1652

 Dear Mr Mpofu

The new electricity minister has an epiphany. The stuff of Nobel prize nominations,  to wit (as you legal eagles are wont to say): 

A reliable supply of power = ultimate end of loadshedding. (I am still mesmerized each time I read this).

Now, with his hand stretched out to grasp the coveted medal, you have handed the Nobel Prize Committee a gigantic headache. You traced ALL our national problems past, present and, I assume, future, with laser-like precision to the exact date of 6 April 1652.  Two world-changing discoveries in the same year. It's almost too much to take in, even for the country that gave birth to the likes of Hlaudi Motsoeneng. Ah, wait, a simple solution: he gets the physics prize and you are deserving winner of the peace prize.

I quote from your magnum opus, first published in that leading political science journal, Twitter.

"On this day 6 April 1652 ALL the problems of the Southern tip of our beloved continent started….

It will take a monumental effort on the part of all patriots to erase  all the rot,hatred,misery,racism,landlessness and bloodshed which characterised our society since that day!✊🏾"

I agree that a monumental effort is required. No-one can accuse you of not doing your part in quenching the fires of hatred and division  on our southern tip. I think that a vital part of that effort has to be the construction of a working time machine. For many comrades, nothing short of a comprehensive moering of that damned, smiling villain, van Whatisname, will suffice. 

I always knew deep in my heart that we couldn't possibly be responsible for the horrific violence, the crime, the corruption, the incompetent bumbling and clowning. Those 1652 devils made us do it. After all, prior to their arrival  (curse the day), this land was a veritable   garden of Eden, minus snake. Now we have the ubunja philosophy: I am a thief / fraud / thug because of 1652.

.

Thabo Bester and others of his ilk do unspeakable things under the slumbering noses of the authorities. The Guptas skip blithely to new adventures in corrupto-colonialism. Zuma-numbing  amounts  are looted with gay abandon. Buffoonery scales heroic new heights.With each fresh outrage, I merely chant the calming mantra: '6 April 1652' and it is the well with my soul. You probably do not realise what a difference your sterling detective work has made. Even as music soothes the savage beast, so does your revelation soothe our troubled breasts.

Some clothing was stolen off my washing line today. Did I curse, swear revenge? "6 April, 1652", I whispered to the Durban breeze. I sensed that the universe smiled.

Just between us, sir, I think those vile, imperialist running dogs are behind your run of bad luck in the courts. May I recommend a friend who consults on that sort of thing. I think you'll find his fees as reasonable as I'm sure yours are.

I wonder, sir, why you didn't go all the way back to Adam and  Eve. They tend to get blamed for all sorts of stuff, anyway. If you tend towards the other theory, the gases involved in the big bang. Gas and popping sounds make a nice backdrop to your story.

Viva superior logic, viva!

Yours in the struggle to break historic cold cases.

Richard

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

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