Giants of Service Excellence

Every night before pension payout day, I hug myself with delight as I drift off to sleep. 

The reason: the joy of interacting with my local giants of service excellence, Shoprite and Capitec (branches not named to protect the guilty). 

Shoprite, your service is not bad. It's execrable. Pensioners queue, knees ache, cashiers disappear and re-appear in time to a mysterious celestial beat that only Shoprite hears. Communication is verboten.

Like the Englishman who replayed the rugby world cup final against South Africa, in the hope that it might end differently, I approached the queue hopefully. A short queue. Oh joy unspeakable! But Shoprite had a card to play. Cashier disappears. Time crawls on its belly. Cashiers re-appear when all hope is gone. They argue among themselves. An unhappy looking fellow finally mans the abandoned till. Another joyous pension day.

And now to Capitec. Your service is  - I sought long and hard for a way to put this delicately  - shite. Why don't you have both ATMs accept deposits? Have you not noticed that the deposits queue is invariably like a Soviet bread queue on a particularly bad day? Why don't you waive those ridiculous in-bank deposit charges on days when your ATM breaks down?

I went to enquire about money sent to me from the U.S. and inexplicably delayed. Previous deposits have appeared as soon as the transferring company mailed me that it was done. This particular deposit is swaying gently in the breezes of some place of limbo called the Transferring Bank. Or something. The banking equivalent of purgatory, I  imagine.

Some of our amiable exchanges:

"I know that previous deposits were quicker. It's not always the same, sir."

"Surely it should be. It's called consistency."

"It's because it's from another country."

"The world has become incredibly small. I'd understand if the deposit were from another planet."

"People are stealing billions in this country. Your systems have the resources, time and energy to mess with a citizen's rental money, miniscule by comparison."

And many more pleasantries of the sort to gladden the burdened heart.

Guys, some suggestions:

1. Stop acting like caricatures of manchingelanes at a dubious nightclub.

2. Show the customer some respect. Your 'eff the customer' approach to service piles on the misery already inflicted by your role model, government. Guys, you don't have to imitate them, truly.

3. There is no excuse for poor service. Challenges have solutions  - if you care to look for them. Or if you care, period.

4. Understand that the money is ours, not yours.

Outside the mall was a large delivery truck. A colourful panel on one side, with a picture of a lion, proclaimed:

"We protect what's most important!"

I thought that would be people. How stupid.

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

1378565477

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723