Mbalulafication

Dear Mr Mbalula 

 

In these difficult times, a good laugh is always a welcome thing. 

 

I just viewed a wonderful video in which you said that the ANC fought load shedding, corruption and state capture. And also creates jobs. 

Sir, it is not wise, sensible, or even normal to boast of all the thrashings that one has been dealt in fights. Worse, you've been thrashed by the Frankensteins of your own inept creation. It was horse manure, but hilarious horse manure. Up there with some of your best performances at the open mic.

 I hope that the ANC appreciates what an absolute ass..., er, asset you are. 'A gem of purest ray serene'. Cometh the election, cometh the man.

 

If these had been school examination subjects, you and your party would have been lucky to score F-minus on each of them. What's more, we will not be allowing you to rewrite in 2024. Demotion to kindergarten is now your best and brightest prospect. 

 

One assumes that you Mr Malema and many comrades attended the same classes in buffoonery. And excelled. Topped the class.

Here are some suggestions to beef up your campaigning. Take a leaf out of the book that your comrades are reading aloud. Haltingly, but aloud.

1. Make subtle threats about  losing grants and the return of apartheid. Via the DA's sinister back door. And where will the ice cream empires come from then?

 

 2.  Expand on the apartheid theme. Remember that every ill that has ever beset this country can be laid at the door of that still - lurking villain. Without apartheid,  there would be no corruption, no inefficiency, no incompetence. Uhuru  and  Utopia would have  arrived long ago were it not for the van Riebeeck legacy. 

3. Don't forget that you now also have Zuma to blame. There is a wonderful treasure chest of stuff that you can lay at his feet. Just be careful to omit that he was an ANC member,  president and your boss. One hopes that we too, with our notoriously short memories, will have forgotten. You must grasp that mkhonto by the shaft. Before your party is shafted.

 

4. You also need to vigorously attack the DA for resisting decolonization of the Western Cape. They have severely impeded the revolution by making it safe clean and orderly.  What clichés, slogans, dances, songs and stand-up routines have they given to the people of South Africa?  None,  I tell you. On second thoughts, in view of their dismal performance in those critical areas, perhaps you should not mention them at all. 

 

5. Don't forget Bafana's terrific victory over Morocco; inspired, of course, by your own performance.  Who knows what would have happened had Mr Zizi Kodwa not  taken the time to coach the team last week?  It needed a comrade to set right what that white coach was failing at. Pretty much the same as what happened at Eskom.

Sir, there's a fair chance that you will take a  bit of a bollocking at the polls but don't let that stop your mbalulaficating. 

As I said, we need all the laughs we can get in these dreary times.

Yours in the struggle for good, South African stand-up comedy.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted

Tymebank , South Africa  

51090259373

O Tichmann 

+27 833970723