The Far Gone Country

The Brits are hopeless at politicking. At least if the recent interview of the leader of their opposition is anything to go by.

How does the man expect to become a political demigod if all he does is to speak quite rationally and sensibly about plans for the economy? One can't worship a fellow who sounds like the bloke next door, or at least a couple of doors up, in the wealthier area. There was no foaming at the mouth, yelling threatening and cursing;  nothing to get the blood pumping  and the heart rate up.  He wouldn't last a week in South African politics.

 

This man missed the golden opportunity to blame the Vikings, the Germanic tribes the Franks, the Dutch  for all of the UK's present ills.  I would have issued a couple of thinly veiled threats to everyone in the UK named Frank, that he / she / they needed to depart for their ancestral homelands.  And leave the UK to the original Celtic people, who dwellt in peace, harmony and prosperity for many long years. 

I just received an email urging me to earn cash from my couch. It was from one of those survey companies that pay ten cents for an hour's worth of survey work.  That reminded me of how creative our own politicians are. They have made advances in banking, real estate, the ultra-modern, multi-use furniture  movement, construction, farming  and any other  endeavour that you care to name. Genuine Renaissance men and women. Our future is bright.  

I wish I could say the same  for your country, Sir Keir Starmer. It's no wonder that we thrashed you at iSandlwana and could probably do the same today with our elite, modern, well equipped military. You may play soccer reasonably well but Bafana would whip your national team on any good night - say one with intense Durban humidity and loadshedding.

I sent the good knight a couple of videos of Mr Malema and Mr Zuma in action. I like to be helpful. Now that's how it's done, sir. I would pay close attention to the dance moves and the stirring lyrics of the Boer bashing song and the one about weaponry. This is the sort of stuff that appeals to the discerning, analytical voter. Of course, if you don't have those in your country, it does pose a slight problem. We have nothing but.

I fell about laughing when I read of politicians in the UK resigning, or being sacked, for mistakes and misdemeanours. Resign - whatever for? (Or, as we'd say here: For who? For what?). There are promotions, deployments and redeployments galore for the loyal cadre. What's a small mistake involving a billion or two, compared to years of unflinching loyalty to the Party? 

These fellows actually forced a prime minister out over a couple of Castle Lites or whatever they drink there. Ridiculous. 

We have a fellow dodg..., pardon, facing over a dozen charges. Many people ask, quite reasonably:

"Where's the evidence?" and

"Why don't you report him at your nearest police station?"

You see, we South Africans are nothing if not scrupulously fair. After all, all that there is to date is a few hundred hours and pages of testimony.  And the condition of various state departments, after his enlightened reign, though that can be traced back to apartheid  - and van Riebeeck. Obviously, that evidence needs to stand the rigours of the trial process before there's any talk of 'proof'. Now that would have happened long ago, but for the state's bewildering resistance to Mr Zuma's reasonable request for a different prosecutor. And illnesses - something no -  one can predict or plan for. Not even, Mr Zuma, who prophesied of the end of the ages.

The other thing that makes the UK lag behind us is the limited choice of parties to vote for. (I tell you that this is what will destroy the US as well). We have over a hundred or over two hundred, depending on what one reads. That's real democracy in action - lots of kak parties to choose from. 

Sir Keir Starmer, those videos are on the way, with a bonus collection of the wise sayings of Hlaudi Motsoeneng, Dr Ace Magashule and Fikile Mbalula. They are a bit short, but dense.

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted

Tymebank , South Africa  

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O Tichmann 

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