Close Encounters SA

Dear Fellow South Africans

 I am often plagued by ominous dreams peopled by Ground Forces, ANC luminaries, municipal councillors and other scary figures.

 Last night's was the mother of nightmares. I had had a nutritious fishcake supper and spent the day on some light reading by assorted ANC and EFF thinkers. I cannot attribute the dream to any disturbances to psyche or digestive system. 

 I was aboard an alien spacecraft in the sleek, aerodynamic shape of a Joburg street legwinya. A massive screen displayed images and video of South Africa. The aliens, pleasant enough in demeanour and appearance, were dressed in Star Trek type attire. A Ms Hofmeyr lookalike pressed a coke into my hand. "Have no fear, Earthling", she said. "We are on a fact finding mission and merely seek your help in confirming a few things". 

 I relaxed to the extent that one can relax on an alien spacecraft. Footage of potholes, speeding taxis and mounds of rubbish in downtown Joburg appeared. "This is your world class city?" I shifted uncomfortably and thought that I heard a suppressed snigger but aliens don't snigger ( I think). 

Crystal clear footage followed. Taxi operators were punching, kicking and slashing opponents. "Your cutting edge business model," she commented, with what might have been a smirk, except that aliens don't smirk either. 

 Footage of Brackenfell, Senekal and various EFF gatherings followed. "Some of these people are your legislators?" The aliens were leaning forward with inscrutable expressions and a strange gleam in their eyes. Footage of a punchup in parliament followed. "Ah, and here they are legislating", said the Ms Hofmeyr lookalike. This time, the chortling was unmistakable. 

 I covered my embarrassment as best I could while the footage switched to Mr Zuma dancing outside a courtroom, enjoying a hearty laugh in the house and striding from the commission venue. "You elected this man to lead. Hmm. A talented dancer. We can see why you elected him twice". The aliens nearest me had the good grace to try to look solemn but the rest had discarded any pretence. A Judge Zondo lookalike had tears streaming down his face as he rocked with laughter. 

 Oh, the horror. 

I was shown footage of parliamentary debates, failed projects, crumbling infrastructure and more. Several politicians were depicted, speaking against corruption and trundling out promises. All restraint forgotten, the aliens hooted and roared with laughter until I could stand it no more. Our various ethics and integrity bodies sent them into frightening paroxsyisms of mirth. 

Mercifully, we eventually hovered over a deserted Free State dairy farm. An alien resembling some actor I couldn't place, said "We'll be back" and I was deposited on good South African soil. 

 I earnestly plead for assistance from an expert dream interpreter and a good psychologist. Pro bono, of course. 

 Yours in the struggle against apocalyptic nightmares.

 Richard

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

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