Degrees Of Separation

Dear Mr Steenhuisen

 Now that you occupy a bottom - scorching seat at our national political table, it's important that we settle this matter. 

 You were once made fun of over post - matric qualifications. I too, suffered similar indignities. Worse, it was rumoured that the signatures on my matric certificate closely resembled my own elegant flourish. I am therefore in your corner, sir. I offer this advice. 

I ignored the juvenile stuff on social media. Girded up my loins, stiffened my upper lip and relevant sinews and paid the price. R500 for a first degree, purchased at the Germiston taxi rank. A further R1000 for a masters - on production of a first certificate, of course. Academic standards must be maintained. 

 Of course, success is sweetest purchased with blood, sweat, tears and other glandular secretions. I recommend our cutting edge solution (we cut the edges off long-winded texts). We have modelled our college on the highly successful version that produced scholars, poets, generals and other people of substance in happier times of old. One needed to answer only two questions in order to graduate. The examination was often conducted from horseback (I don't have a horse but can borrow a neighbour's bakkie). 

We have contracted the three year degree to six months. Why waste years in musty classrooms? The prime contribution of many 'educated' people on our continent has been to support demagogues, buffoons and thugs in speeding us down the excrement- coated slide to ruin. 

 Tuition fees? We accept EFTs but prefer brown envelopes and filled black garbage bags, in line with custom and practice. You will enjoy our Politics 101 course. Some of the modules: 

 Cultural Significance Of Braais And Food Parcels In Election Campaigns

 Power Of Populist Prattle 

Marching For Power And Profit

 The Concepts Of Elasticity, Fluidity And Malleability As Applied To Language And Conduct In South African Politics 

 State Capture Simplified 

 Some may question our approach to tertiary education. Let me point out that Newton made a significant discovery while happily munching on an apple and being clobbered by another. Archimedes did likewise in the midst of a relaxing bath. Our own former president spoke of the power of the shower. The pillars of a sound education are good nutrition and good hygiene. Let's not muddle and mystify simple basics. 

 We look forward to hearing from you. 

 Yours in the struggle for relevant education.

 Richard

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

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