Broad Based Criminal Empowerment

 Dear ANC Leadership 

I write to you in my capacity as chairperson of the South African Board for Professional Criminal Practice (SABPCP).

We note with dismay the following, posted on social media:

"Under the ANC's rule an illegal immigrant from Zimbabwe was a manager at Human Settlement. A Lesotho illegal immigrant was a municipal manager. Now, a former assistant director at Home Affairs is also an illegal immigrant. How many  illegals are working in gov? @MYANC is not fit."

I write to point out that criminal activity is not a scarce skill in our country. On the contrary, since the days of Jan van Riebeeck, we have blazed a pioneering trail through the once dense jungle of global crime. There can be no justification for importing skills that we should, in fact, be exporting. Our own criminals are highly skilled. Indeed, at the peak of the profession.

Mr Zuma and Ms Mbete pointed out that Jan was the father of crime in South Africa. I think the Dutch East India Company pulled a Castro on South Africa (remember the Cuban criminals exported to the US?), and dredged the gaols of Amsterdam. Jan was obviously a notorious Person Of Interest. Introducing rape, fraud, theft, slothfulness, incompetence and buffoonery to our pristine shores. Clearly, our borders were porous at the time. Another tradition that we have faithfully maintained.

Nevertheless, since then, we have done extremely well on our own. No patronizing colonialists looking over our shoulders and making snide, superior comments on our criminal competence. We excel at every level and in every field and discipline. Long before you dared dream of Broad Based Black Economic Empowerment, our Broad Based Criminal Empowerment was taking the country by storm (sometimes a storm of bullets).

We have always been loyal and patriotic, 'Steal South African' our slogan. Why are we rewarded thus?  Should we not hear from you within seven  days of receipt of this letter, our lawyers will begin legal proceedings. They advised us that a class suit is out of the question as you have no class. 

We employ some of the sharpest legal minds in the country. Not unlike that chap who's been in and out of the courts lately. Whatsisname.... Be warned.

Yours in the struggle to preserve our sovereignty.

Richard (Righteous) J Mann 

Chairperson: SABPCP

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

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