Auld Lang Syne, Mr Cele

 Dear Mr Cele

You issued a warning about breaking curfew on New Year's Eve  / New Year's Day.

I was offended when someone called you a 'useless doorknob' on social media. I have found most doorknobs to be quite useful. Besides, he spelled it  as 'door knob'.

He raged about drug dealers, terrorists openly carrying machine guns, CIT robberies and hijacking, destroying the country. All of this is most alarming but he omitted incompetent and corrupt politicians and officials. The worst of it, though, is that he called you a dimwit. That cannot possibly be true, as I read that you qualified as a primary school teacher. 

 'All that he cares about is curfews', he went on to say. Patently untrue, sir. I know that you also care deeply about alcohol. You mention it more often than any of the other things that your critic was going on about. You were also quite passionate about cigarettes at one stage.

I was somewhat mystified by this part of your statement:

We will shut down all those that are operating illegally and those who are operating legally and break the law by playing Gqom music, underage drinking and selling alcohol after curfew will be prosecuted.

I did not know that playing Gqom music was illegal. I don't know what kind of music that is, and now don't care to know. It sounds dangerous. Even the onomatopaeic sound of the name suggests bludgeoning someone into unconsciousness.

“The only place you are allowed to drink at is your own home listening to soft music".

 I have prepared my playlist. ' Sounds Of Silence'. Killing Me Softly' and 'Careless Whispers', among others, will see us glide noiselessly into 2022. There will be no Gqom and should I hear any, drifting or pulsing from neighbouring houses, I will be on the phone to you. Post haste. 

Loitering is out of the question. Should an emergency arise on the stroke of midnight or after (say, the need for a cup of sugar or more soft music), would a brisk walk be in order?

Yours in the struggle against curfew-breaking and loud Gqom-like music.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

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