Great Balls Of Fire

Dear Fellow South Africans 

This is a first for the House of Parliament. For decades we have had heat without light. Today we've had both.

I was devastated at the thought of priceless treasures being incinerated. Bottles of Klipdrift, Johnny Walker... Please tell me that the bar was saved.

There's the usual, wild speculation about the cause of the fire. MERDE (Mann Establishment for Resolving Dire Emergencies) has already been hard at work. Unlike the sprinklers. What I am about to reveal may shock you. And the president. Let me make it clear that neither waterboarding nor continuously looped tapes of ANC speeches played backward will ever induce me to reveal my sources.

I have it on very good authority, and can now reveal, that oxygen, heat and fuel played a major role. All that remains (apart from piles of wet ash), is for us to identify the source of each. Our report will be ready at the same time as the Zondo Commission report and the comprehensive report on the twelve instigators (known in some quarters as The Filthy Dozen).

 

The only good to come out of this disaster is that two of my heroes have been vindicated. 

The curfew should have remained in place. I'm sure that Mr Cele was moved by the mystical intuition common to the professional policeman, when he issued his stern warnings. It would not surprise us to learn that loiterers were responsible. Probably playing loud Gqom music on ghetto-blasters to mask the noises of their mischief-making. 

We should have taken a leaf out of Mr Zuma's book. Not the car-boot edition. An olympic - sized fire - pool may well have saved the day. 

Too late for recriminations and regret. But let's have them anyway. 

Yours in the struggle for health, safety and the protection of the environment.

Richard

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

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O Tichmann 

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