Just the Job, Mr President

'President Cyril Ramaphosa has called on businesses in the country to remove prior work experience requirements for job positions, in a bid to boost the employability of South Africa’s job-seeking youth.' - from a news website 

Dear Mr Ramaphosa 

I really like your proposal. I'd like to take you up on it. Consider this as taking one for the country.

I am realistic about having to start at the bottom. The Sports Ministry would suit me fine, as I am an ardent Sharks supporter. Ditto for the Springboks and the Proteas. I even watch Bafana on the rare occasions that they go beyond the first round of any competition.

Second prize would be Arts and Culture. I am a bit of a culture vulture and I like the KZN approach, which apparently once involved downing R6000 worth of booze at a function  - very artistic, very cultured. Hard work but someone has to do it. 'If it is to be, then it is up to me'. (William Johnsen).

Your own job would be safe for now. (Or until Mr Zuma or Mr Malema  or Hlaudi could well mould your seat of power to their powerful bottoms).

I cannot claim to qualify as a youth. In a parliament filled with persons glowing with youthfulness, that could be a challenge. I am sure we can get around that, as we get around corruption, criminality and everything that stands in the way of the Revolution. And progress.

At any rate, I can sleep with the best of them (in the purest sense of the word). I also have a talent for bulls..., I mean, bold public speaking. 

I am not entirely without experience, having worked in a creche and a circus in my long, undistinguished career.

To be mentored by the ANC's intellectual giants would be marvellous. There's Fikile Mbalula who fu..., sorry, fixed up so many ailing departments (damn these almost identical English vowels).  I would love to sit at the feet of the minister who landed in Geneva, bypassing Switzerland. (I'm trying to bypass Zimbabwe, on the way to Harare). Only in the ANC is such wisdom and experience to be found. Where else could one learn of carrying medicine in the head, smallanyana skeletons, crime detection by tattoos, firepools?

Mr Ramaphosa, why not build on your idea? We could cut out work altogether and just pay. I know that that approach has already been pioneered in parliament. Let's push the brown envelope further. Granted, it would be unfair to say that all politicians don't work at all. There's arduous, demanding stuff to be done:  strenuous dinnners, gruelling business class flights, unveiling of taps, foreign shopping, reading off speeches and complex numbers.... Lord, I feel weary just listing some of these.  If you think this a joke,  you try shopping for products with labels in a foreign language.

I need to mention, sir, that I have extensive experience in modern banking practice, combined with knowledge of the very latest in furniture fashions. I'm not sure how, but that may be useful down the track.

Yours in the struggle for shortcuts to the top.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

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O Tichmann 

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