We are in the direst of straits. But you know that. You probably saw it coming a long way back.
I've been scanning your fascinating advertisements with more than just idle curiosity. The pastor of the petrol - chugging church and I have both been buffeted by rising fuel prices. VAT has taken on its Afrikaans meaning. I fear that the man in the street will soon be quite literally the man in the street.
Even my dog is in debt and spends his days moping around the yard, instead of administering strategically-placed bites to the deserving. On that note dear burglars, thieves and assorted villains, you are wasting your precious time in our suburb. We have already been looted by those far more skilled than you. I would look to other compass points.
What do the politicians offer? Little beyond the accustomed platitudes, implied threats to, in the immortal phrasing of the Daily Sun, 'moer' some party or the other. And also quite creditable impersonations of a canine street encounter.
But you, dear practitioners of the magic arts ,offer hope and dreams. You offer a bewildering array of services at reasonable prices. Mirrors to see what one's enemies are up to (SARS beware), charms for every conceivable situation or game of chance, Frodo's ring of power - the list meanders on. It occurs to me that I need a package deal, cash on delivery of more cash, naturally. I invite you all to submit tenders for the following package (we South Africans do, in the words of Elvis, Love To Tender):
The casino-crushing charm - turbo version. I aim to hit all East Rand casinos, spazas included, in one week.
The lotto - looting charm. Please include plus 1 and plus 2.
The SARS - sedating charm. Self - explanatory.
I will pass on the short-boys-and-rats package. Home deliveries are outdated and labour-intensive. Besides, cash-in-transit heists are an ever present menace in the East.
With your supernatural radar at work, I suspect that your sealed tenders are ready for submission. I look forward to doing business with the winner.
Onward with radical economic transformation.
Richard
No comments:
Post a Comment