Tuesday, 11 May 2021

The Real Nine O' Clock News

 Dear Fellow South Africans 


I need your help - really.

I awoke from a pleasant dream this afternoon. Dr Ace was apologizing to me for something. He had just handed me a wad of cash and some share certificates for a housing project. A thunderous explosion had me leaping to my feet mid - snore.

There on ETV news was a chaotic battle in mid - Joburg. Friends later told me not to be ridiculous. That it was a Marvel Comics movie. I don't believe that and fully expect to see the video on Yusuf Abramjee's Twitter timeline.

We regularly have little red men marching around causing chaos. We have a farting pastor, two senior citizens hogging headlines for brazenness and buffoonery and much more. There's nothing unusual about a huge green man battling a giant robot, while a fellow in an iron suit flies overhead. Besides, here's irrefutable proof:

1. While Johannesburg crumbled around them, residents went about their business. A little perturbed yes, but not hysterical. I could have
 sworn that I saw two vendors selling magwinyas amidst the mayhem.

2. No - one was arrested. The police fired thousands of rounds and missed the guilty parties.

3. Someone said: 'Bruce Banner will not be arrested'. That's the clincher. None of the people who stripped and destroyed the country have been arrested. That's definitely real South Africa.

I know that you don't usually respond to my requests but please, please make an exception. This is critical. I have a R100 bet riding on it.

Yours in the struggle for real news reporting.

Richard 

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