Let's be frank. Our elections have nothing to do with competence, track record, integrity. In truth, none of those silly relics of colonial thought are relevant. We are about entertainment, showbiz and, er, subtle inducements.
Municipal elections approach. I propose an appropriate format for our times and our beloved country. A showbiz extravaganza that has all the elements that make our elections so special. Televised, this will give the national broadcaster a powerful shot in the butt. Far better than the mindless gibbering about 'open'.
First up would be the game show Family Feud. The ANC should ace that one.
Braaimasters next, as the contest heats up. The ANC could do roosterbrood, buttered on both sides. Floyd could batter something for the EFF. The DA would argue among themselves about the colour and consistency of the marinade. Skilpaaidjies would nicely symbolize the FF+ march of progress. Toast for Cope.
Politicians Got Talent would have our honourables doing what they do best. Jumping through hoops, magically making stuff disappear, stand-up comedy, song and dance.
After those exertions, a relaxing Balderdash contest would round things off beautifully. This popular game involves making up imaginative definitions for various unfamiliar words. The ANC could tackle 'integrity', ' service', 'decency'. For the EFF, add the difficult 'credibility', 'consistency' and 'dignity'. 'Reality' should challenge the DA - for starters. For the rest, 'relevance' should have them puzzling mightily. The climax would be having them all wrap their heads around 'vision' and 'nation-building'.
There you have it, fellow South Africans: The Election Games. Also nicknamed The Hunger Games.
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