Julius and the Ides of March

Dear Mr Malema 

A friend called you a rotund, little, Gucci-wearing, quasi-communist thug. I was outraged. Too many adjectives in one sentence. I defended you of course, pointing out that you are  neither rotund nor little.

I then marched on his braai in righteous indignation, demanding an apology, which came  in the form of a medium-rare steak. Pretty much as we dealt with those counterrevolutinaries at Clicks.

Sir, I was in the full flow of preparation for Monday's historic march. My red 

ensemble was neatly  pressed,  beret ready to be worn at a jaunty angle. The very model of a modern red-breasted revolutionary (apologies to Gilbert and the other bloke). Then disaster struck. I  pulled a tendon, during one of those 

 knees-ups while practice-marching to the nearest spaza with pamphlets.

Just as you were once willing to kill and / or die for His Former Excellency, Zuma, (before the falling out, followed by reconciliation over Earl Grey and Romany Creams), so am I prepared for the ultimate sacrifice for the Cause. Despite crippling, fiery shafts of pain, I shall watch the entire thing on TV news. 

Naturally, I am prepared to forego  a whole day's pay. I am unemployed but it's the principle....

As a committed soldier of the revolution, I was mentally prepared to respond to looting and any of the ill disciplined behaviour that is anathema to our glorious movement. Alas, I must watch from a distance. Nevertheless, I am certain that racists, colonialists  (colonial clerks included) and other WMC types are quaking in fear. Did we not give a glimpse of our power and potential in recent by-election victories? From the promising 0.47 percent in the Western Cape to the soaring 4.16 percent in the  Eastern Cape. Truly, a juggernaut on the move.

My CIC, a word of advice. I still recall the image of that red beret, lying forlorn on the brackish soil of Brackenfell. Shall we give those environs a miss? I am also scrolling through Twitter.  I intend to  identify areas where right wingers with intentions not as pure and peaceful as ours are spewing out veiled and unveiled threats. Most disturbing and unsettling behaviour but then what can one

expect of those who don't have the maturity and calm wisdom that sets our Movement apart? I shall send a list of areas of concern.

Incidentally, during that conciliatory high tea with Mr Zuma, I imagine that you fell upon each other's necks as Jacob and Esau did, with protestations of undying love and loyalty. The only thing that I love more than such moments of drama and tenderness, is your exemplary display of consistency. 

Despite excruciating agony I shall be watching with interest and enthusiasm, revolutionary songs on my lips, revolutionary beverage in hand.

I rest secure in the knowledge that Ramaphosa will be herding Ankoles in short order. Loadshedding will be at level zero. South Africans will stream into Zimbabwe, Malawi, Lesotho and other sister countries in Mater Africa and vice- versa (with some vice included). 'And all will be well and all manner of things will be well'.

And they lived happily ever after upon the borderless continent of brotherhood and love.

Yours in the struggle for the Cause and branded stuff.

Richard 

Tips for the blogger gratefully accepted 

Capitec Bank, South Africa  

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